Wow, I've Grown!

[shauna marie]

Here is a part of an email that I sent to my brother. He was worried about me, he was worried that I was back into pills. (Long story there.) I had to send him an email assuring him that I was fine, and here's a part of the email:

And when you compare this summer to last summer, I'm doing about a million times better. I

was working two jobs, you were helping with the rent, and bills still weren't getting paid. I was

living off of sleeping pills and fast food takeout. (For the record, haven't touched those in almost

a year.) And haven't gotten takeout in about that long. (Having food delivered.) Well, for the

most part. I was living on the internet, practically. I didn't read, watch tv, clean, anything.

Oh, and there was the matter of two bounced checks (that I can think of right now) and the fact

that I was writing checks at the pharmacy for cash two days before I was getting paid.

And instead of actually working, I was actually playing online until I got caught. Oh, and I also

DON'T do the check thing either.

This summer I do a LOT of reading, watching tv, watching DVD's, going to town, and cleaning

at times. Usually at least one night a week you can find me downtown reading on the church steps.

I really have met grief face to face. At times, it can be like a demon. While there is a place for grief, I was letting grief be first and let it control me. I didn't deal with the feelings or anything like that.

Sorry, just got off the phone with my brother. I THINK he finally understands how much better I really am doing and that I'm doing it all to the best of my ability.

Shauna