I Lost My Sweet Boy Cat, Boliver

[srchriste]

I've been struggling with the loss of my sweet Siamese boy cat, Boliver, for the past six weeks. Coming to terms with the loss of a best friend and confidant is so terribly painful. And having people dismiss your loss because "he was just a cat" is frustrating and hurtful.

Boliver came into my life eleven years ago. He chose me. Nobody wanted him because he was the runt of the litter and scraggly. When I went to pick up his sister... he ran over to me, jumped on my lap and climbed up onto my shoulders and over my head and back onto my lap. He won my heart and I had no choice... I had to take him home. From that day on, he told me exactly what he wanted and when and I catered to him. He grew into a handsome boy and delighted us every day. He greeted me at the door when I came home and never left my side when I was sick. He had a huge personality and we feel so empty without him.

With regard to the heart/mind struggle, someone recently told me... "When you try to comprehend and make sense of something incomprehensible and your heart feels the pain of loss, your mind lags behind, trying to comprehend something new into your psyche. The pain is in your heart, while your mind lingers the facts of what happened, recalling the scene of the crime against your heart." These words express exactly how I feel. My heart goes out to all of you![attachmentid=317]

[DoubleJo]

He was "just a cat" to other people because they were not lucky enough to get to know him, because they are too cold to feel for others.

Boliver cannot be dismissed because he was here and added so much to life. What he brought to you and you to him was a wonderful thing. He was apart of you, a small friend and partner. It hurts. Instead of saying goodbye, try seeing it as being filled up with something very special inside of you: of Boliver's love living within you forever, because, you know, love really never dies.

My best- DoubleJo

[srchriste]

DoubleJo, thank you for your very kind words! They mean so much. I agree, love never dies.

Susanne

[DoubleJo]

Susanne, you mentioned his huge personality and how empty it feels without him. Every now and then we are lucky enough to have that "special" pet. The one who has this special bond, connection with us.

I had 3 dogs, one a springer spaniel. He was my special one, and even tho I still had my other 2 when he had to be put to sleep, his personality was so large that the house felt empty without him. Even my late husband, who didn't want another dog, felt it so much that he agreed we had to find another springer. Now Maxi is 11 years old and sleeping more. Now its' his time getting closer.

It's frustrating because we want them back, but can't have them. I look at my other guys and think how special they'll be when they're gone some day, each in their own way. I suppose it's like a puzzle- each part is needed to complete it, and if we're lucky enough to find all the pieces over our lifetime we will do that.

Now I have my late husbands'"step-dog" and "step cockatiels" along with my 2 guys and the neighborhood stray cats I feed . My world is full of precious little friends but I still have that empty spot waiting for my Kingsley Marsh. DoubleJo

[srchriste]

DoubleJo--I'm so sorry to hear about Kingsley Marsh; he must have been very special. I can now understand that we never "get over it" and I agree... there is always going to be that deep sense of loss for our "special" furry children. I feel guilty about not having the same bond with Boliver's sister and litter mate, Nadia. Truth is, he never allowed her to get close to me... he was a mama's boy. Now that my sweet boy is gone, she has come out of her shell a little bit and I try to give her extra attention. We are thinking about getting a baby kitty for all of us. We know we can't ever replace our Boliver... just hoping to have a good distraction from the overwhelming sadness and have some life around the house. We'd also save a life by adopting from a shelter. I don't know if it is too soon and we should wait or if it's the right thing to do.

Hugs, Susanne

[DoubleJo]

Susanne:

What is too soon? What is time? To a young person time moves too slowly. To an older person it moves too fast. If you feel the desire to keep your family intact with another cat, thats' fine. If you want to give your other kitty some extra time with you to explore its' personality more, that's also fine. Maybe spending new time with your other one first will answer your question. The way they act can help you decide.

Here's a cute little story:

My late husband had his daughters' 2 cockatiels, 15 years old when I got them! Each in their own cage, next to each they were very close. Wilma died last year. I waited to see how Fred would react, because being as old as he is I didn't want to get another to be left alone soon after, but he called and called for Wilma. I decided to get him a new friend, one not too people friendly, basically for him. I fell in love with a sweet little girl of 4 months. Now Fred is very happy having her next to him in her cage, and "Mushroom" ( because she popped up overnight like a mushroom) is in love with both of us. If I come into the kitchen she calls me and wants to play with me. So- Fred answered my question for me.

Kisses to your others- DoubleJo

[srchriste]

DoubleJo,

Thank you so much for your support! And thank you for sharing your "Mushroom" story... it is inspiring. I think sometimes we just get so overwhelmed with sorrow and grief it is difficult to imagine ever feeling whole or happy again.

Hugs, Susanne