My Mother Is Gone

[pauline]

I am new at this, so please be patient with me. My mother pass on and it will be a month the 25 of this month. I am finding it hard, it is as if I am in a dream and I keep waiting to wake up and it will all be as it was before. I have such a lost feelng inside and it still hurts, we were very close and I took care of her and her needs and her death was totally unexspected. Right now my apartment is a mess, I have not been to church and I just dont feel like being around people. Will this ever pass, and my life will be as it was.

[KathyG]

Pauline,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. You sound as if you're still very much in the numb, on-autopilot stage that's typical of the first few weeks after a loved one has died. It's common during this time for things to feel dreamlike and very unreal, but those feelings fade gradually once the shock subsides.

You ask if your life will ever again be as it was; it won't be and can't be the same without your mother's presence. You'll find a way to go on, but once someone is gone you can never recapture the past. The best you can do is to cultivate your memories of them and keep them alive.

You'll need strength for the long road ahead. So the most important thing you can do right now is to put yourself and your needs first. Eat healthily and get as much rest as you can. If possible, postpone doing anything that's difficult or painful for you until you feel more grounded -- or, if the thing can't wait, ask someone you trust to help you with it or even do it for you. If you don't feel like being around other people at this time, that's OK.

But if you have people offering to help or do things for you, don't turn them away completely; thank them and tell them you may call them later when you feel more up to it. You need to do this because in a few weeks, the activity stops and all the would-be companions and helpers fade away and go back to the regular lives, leaving you alone to pick up the pieces. True friends won't abandon you, but many people will stay away because they're uncomfortable interacting with the bereaved. This isn't because they're bad people; they just don't know how to deal with the aftermath of death.

It's probably too soon right now, but in a few weeks it will help you to find a grief counselor or support group. You've already found this site, and the people will welcome you, listen to you and offer their stories about how they have dealt with loss.

Good luck and God bless. You and your mother will be in my prayers.

Kathy

[mlg]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Believe when I say that no one who posts here wants anyone else to go through the feelings we do. But since life is not perfect, unfortunately most people do have to go through it at one time or another.

You will feel numb for a while which actually is a good thing because then reality really sets in and that's when you will find this site really helpful. It is her 24/7/365. The is NOTHING that you can't talk about here. There are some of the "posters" that are much more eloquent than the rest of us but everyone's intentions are to help make you feel better. Like Kathy said, just make sure you eat as well as you can and try to get rest. Don't worry when you can't sleep well because that is normal.

I hope in the not too distant future you will be able to find a grief support group to physically join because sometimes those actual hugs help.

[pauline]

I was finally getting around to putting things in the cedar chest that my mom had left me and putting away some personal things when I ran across this,Moms Handa My hands have rown older through the years,and they have wiped many tears. They held you when you were young and wiped a tear to keep you strong. So, hang this on your wall to view. Remember I will always love you! I cried alot that day, and I think I finally realized that even though mom is gone her love is still with me buried deep in my heart.

[meemo]

Pauline. I, as with everyone here, can understand and sympathize with you.When my mother died, I thought my world would end.I couldn't imagine life without her.The power and strength we have within us is an incredible thing.Believe that you will make it through this and you will. Sometimes all we have to do is ask for it and it will be ours.