Grief Avoidance?

[Guest Mrs.Charley]

deleted

[dpodesta]

Mrs. Charley,

That is exactly what I did at first. I threw my self into repairs on the house that had been needed for years. I would work 9 hours a day at my work and then come home and work until it got dark which being the summer was 3 hours later. I would get my son to bed take a sleeping pill as I could not fall to sleep and then pass out. I did this all summer long. I don't know what it is like during the summer where you ar eput here in Texas it gets over 100 degrees in the summer and doesn't cool down at night. I was also working on filing bankruptacy. So between the two, I kept my mind busy so I wouldn't have to dwell on my real feelings. I posted that year around the end of Sept that the repairs were about done and the court stuff almost final and I posted that I was worried about what next. I knew with all that stuff being done that I would be able to start dealing with what I was running away from and I didn't like it. I didn't want to feel the pain that I knew would come from it. However, I did deal with it and I have come a long way from it. Today I see fond memories of my wife instead of sadness. That isn't to say that I don't feel sad at times, because I do. But today I don't have to be completely absorbed by them. Yes, you are trying to discover who the new you is and part of that discovery is dealing with those feelings and letting go of the guilt and through that yu will start to discover who you are. We will be right here beside you to help you along the way.

Love always

Derek

[Guest Mrs.Charley]

Derek,

Thank you!

It's so odd, because the people around me would say things like, slow down Barb, you need to relax. I kept saying "No...I'm OK...I need to finish this or do that".

Subconsciously I guess I knew that relaxing would bring on the pain, and I wanted no part of that.

I'm quite sure I wasn't avoiding my feelings intentionally, but I think when I realized I was going to have to deal with this all alone, I decided that NOT dealing with it was better. NOT! I now see that all of my efforts in all this and that, have been just going through the motions of existance and filling the days and nights with activities that I could call accomplishments.

Made me feel like I was still alive, silly me. Being alive means feeling and living, not just existing.

Baby steps, baby steps...

[dpodesta]

I think that it was a lot of us do in the begining is we try and exist. We can't see how we can continue to live. Like you said to simply exist is not living. The longer we run from our feelings the loger it takes for us to truly heal and make that transistion from existing to living. One step at a time.

Love always

Derek

[teny]

Hellow my friends .some times when I read your posts I do feel that if I could say what I think it would be allready in one of your posts.My first year was avoiding to be around people exept of my family.I was going driving long distance and crying in the car alone.I did not spend even one night at my house sleeping one day at my brothers and every other day with my son .Im in the second year I dont feel any better and dont want to have a house of my oun spending most of the nights with my sons family.runing away trying to find a meaning of what is left of my life like you Barb.your far away friend .TENY