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The "me" Focus


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Okay so, I have noticed in my whole...grieving...process (though I don't really feel like I'm going anywhere) that there is a very strong focus on me.

I focus on myself. I think of my feelings. I think, "My purpose right now is figuring myself out, working on myself." My family (mom, stepdad) seems to understand, in that they tell me to take it easy, they help me when I am thinking "I should be doing ______" by making me realize, there is nothing I "have" to do.

But what about in two weeks, when I am back at school? What to do I do then about the "me" focus? I think it will still be there. I mean, I'm able to do less of the "me" focus sometimes...like, I talked to a friend today and asked how she was doing, and cared to know.

But a lot of the time, I am thinking of me, my grief, my memories, etc. How can I explain this to people? Should I try to explain it to my friends when I go back to school?

I am already planning on talking to them about how I might sometimes want to be alone, I'm still grieving and feeling very sad, and there are other times when I might need them very much, etc. But I can't really explain the "me" focus thing, right? It would sound too selfish, like...like I don't care about their problems, because mine is bigger. :(

In her book "Good Grief" Deborah Morris Coryell talks about this, about loss and how, the feelings of loss can apply to losing other things - jobs, homes, etc. I can understand that view, but....when my friend is talking about drama with her boyfriend (which she always seems to talk about these days), or another friend is complaining about not finding a purchase on e-Bay...and I think in my head, "Yes, but I LOST my DAD"....what do I do?! :unsure:

I don't want to be mean to people, especially friends, but at the same time, I don't want to stop the "me" focus, because 1) I can't help it, and 2) It seems to be part of the process, noticing and acknowledging my own feelings.

Also, because well...I'm really sad. I don't want to turn off my sadness and put up an "I'm okay" exterior at school, because I believe that would be detrimental to my grief work/process, and honestly, it hurts to pretend I'm okay. I'd rather feel the hurt of my loss than go around pretending nothing happened.

Does anybody have any suggestions, or experience, or anything, on this "me" focus thing??

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