Lost Sister And Best Friend

[autumn61]

My sister contracted HepC from her ex,and was diagnoised in 1997. It ended up turning to end stage liver disease. In past six to eight years I have drove her to all appointments, shopping, etc... I helped her to apply for housing, and basically was one to help her through the years. I finally got her on SSI, because ESLD effects memory, she had gotten esophageal varices, ascities, and at end heptic encephalitis. For a long time she held down her own despite all the complications. Then it seemed in September she got even more swollen from ascities, and was very ill off and on. At end of November she seem to get even more sick, more pain and came to stay with my Mom and me most of December. Then she went home, and her muscles got weak, but she refuse to come back over here to our house, so I was constantly calling her, and going over to check on her. Her last appt was December 22nd, but even with her reporting problems they did nothing to help or for comfort. I took her back home as swelling made her have back pain, shortness of breath, etc... Her birthday was January 2nd, fortunately her best friend Rick went over made her meals that weekend because that was last time she had a birthday her 51st one. This past Saturday the 10th she took her meds and then said she did not feel good. My Mom and me went by done her dishes, got her some things. Sherrie said her stomach was hurting, but it didn't really seem critical. I think she knew something was going down, as she did not want to come home with us. Well that night I could not reach her so I went over, and she said her phone had died, and other one was not working. It was so sad as she was moaning in pain, but due to a bad ER experience around December 16th, she did not want to go to hospital. I wanted to stay, but she said I am not going anywhere I will be here, so I left to come home as my Mom is 80 years old and had been ill as well. Sunday morning 11th her friend Rick and I coulod not reach her, so my Mom and me went over to check on her. As we drove we both had that gut feeling, and when we went in I touched her and she was still soft and warm, so I dialed 911, but then when I went around I looked at her eyes and they were fixed and dilated, her nose had been bleeding as I assume that is where all blood came from. I knew that my gut was wrong and she was gone. The responders confirmed that, and ME was called out. My other sister, nieces, nephews and three of kids came and we stayed through them taking her to coroners office. Then sat in her apt crying and reflecting, even having a laugh as Sherrie was a fun loving lady, with a good sense of humor. This has been the worse death in our lives, the family chain length is broken as they say, now we have to wait to reunite on other side. I am heart broken, empty, stomach in knots, hard time sleeping, and keep seeing her the way we found her. I have been cleaning up her apt but it's hard, but they only give you 14 days. I have arranged for her cremation, and when weather warms we will gather and release 51 balloons. I am truly not sure I will recover, I will go through the motions because we have to, but I have a deep lose as I was always doing things for her, and talk to her every day and night, so I am lost... I can't describe how I truly feel but I can imagine many of us feel the same range of emotions.

[marsha]

Autumn - i am so sorry for the loss of your beloved sister. I'm not normally on this forum, as I lost my husband 6 months ago. But grief of a loved one is so, that we share in those feelings. I'm sure your heart is so heavy now. I can only suggest what others told me - keep yourself healthy, post here to let out your feelings (it helps tremendously, I can say that), and grieve in your own way, at your own time. There's no getting around it, I'm afraid. Yes, I can truly imagine how you feel; it's like the loss of a limb. My prayers to you, at this difficult time, Marsha

[kath]

Dear Autumn,

I cried all night after reading your post. My husband died of HepC 20 months ago and during my feelings of loss, I forgot much of what he had to go through. You described the battle so well for your sister. We had only 2 years since he was diagnosed and for a quarter of that time, he gave himself the PEG/Interferon shots for treatment. What I hated the most was listening to him moan. I felt so helpless. As with your sister, it was a nightmare and I couldn't (and still can't) understand why the doctors couldn't do more to help him. Varices, ascities, and encephalitis became our new vocabulary.

You were able to be a huge blessing in your sister's life. The way you cared for her and sensed what was going one with her touched my heart. Bob's family never came near, even when I called for help. I'm sorry you have to go through this painful journey with all of us here. It takes a toll on us and you need to take good care of yourself. Somewhere down the road, I came to realize that Bob's dying wasn't about me. Yes, I was left to feel the chasm his leaving left me in, but he had endured enough. Your story reminded me of that. While we don't have many answers, we understand your heartache. Come back often and take good care, Kath