Taking Care Of The Remains

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I know that I have mentioned this before but now I really need to come to terms with the fact something has to be done with the remains of my parents in order for me to go further along this grief journey... I know that mom did not want a grave and dad did not have any ideas of what to do with himself so now I guess we as a family will have to get together and decide but just the thought of scattering my parents remains makes me think I am just throwing them away in the wind and how after all they have done for me can I just do this...But if I do not my mom does not have what she wants done... Am I selfish for not being able to do what she wants us to do or can we do it and pray she forgives me.... Shelley

[marsha]

Shelley - I think a step in the grieving process is listening to your heart. I can only tell you what I did. At Joe's memorial service, I took only a portion of his ashes to spread in the ocean - but the rest are in an urn on my mantle. I also gave some of his ashes in a small container for his kids to take back to California. I think he would have gotten a kick out of the idea that he's now part of both oceans! If you do scatter your parents' ashes, it's not just throwing them away into the wind. It's returning them back to the earth. Whatever you decide to do with their earthly remains, it doesn't change that they are in your mind and heart forever. Hugs, Marsha

[STARKISS]

Now that I am settled with the fact something has to be done, How do I approach the other part of the family... And what to do is the other question... My heart says I need the place to visit if I have too, but following mom wishes I should agree to the scattering... Shelley

[marsha]

I've had friends who have planted a rose bush or a tree, with their loved ones' ashes sprinkled in the ground before planting. I also have a widowed friend who had some of the ashes placed in a small locket that she wears around her neck. Just a couple of suggestions. Can you just approach your family gently and feel them out about this? Marsha

[STARKISS]

Hi Marsha,

you have certainly given me things to think about and to mention to my siblings... Now I just have to figure out how to bring the topic up... Take care Shelley

[AnnieO]

We debated what to do with my parents ashes too. We finally planted 2 trees in my yard and put the ashes in the ground when we planted the trees. We also put some seashells that we brought back from Florida, as a reminder of all the wonderful memories we have from there. The grandchildren have picked out sun-catchers and wind-chimes for the trees . I remember seeing two different sites on the internet, one that would make a colored gemstone out of a tiny amount of ashes and another one that made beautiful crystal paperweight type of things, with ashes inside.

Shelley, I was like you. I needed to do something with the ashes in order to keep healing. It was frustrating because no-one wanted to make any decisions and just didn't realize how hard it was for me to have the ashes .

[STARKISS]

Thanks Annie O,

For sharing with me some ideals, I will definitely think about it and share them with my siblings as we decide what to do with our parents remains... Take care Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

We as a family have decided that taking care of the remains will happen sometime this spring... My siblings can not break it down for me any better than that... So here I side wondering when the day will come... I have been on a roller coaster ride with this topic, i know something has to be done but what.... I am now thinking the family wants to scatter them and if that is the case i will take part but take a picture of the area we do it in so that if I need to feel close the them I can still kind of talk with them there... I know this sounds weird but sometimes I just need that feeling that they are there somewhere if not just in my thoughts... take care Shelley