Grief Feelings

[wishbone]

I lost my dad on 5/23/03 and then my mom on 2/12/04.

This is my first holiday season without them both.

Wow. I was not prepared for the depth of grief feelings, i.e., no reason to go on.

I know intellectually that this can't be this way FOREVER but it's tough to walk past these feelings?

Anyone know what I mean?Thanks

[JCL]

Hello, I know exactly what you mean. I lost my mother on 10/17/04. I had been at the hospital everyday for three and a half months. We were going to take her home in a couple weeks. My mother had Diabetes and circulation problems and the circulation to her foot closed down. They tried three operations-a bypass on her leg, a partial amputation below the knee and then that did not work and they did another amputation above the knee. My mother survived all of that and then died from an infection from the dialysis catheter that they had inserted into her chest. I went to that hospital and fought and fought and fought for her to live. I am devasted. I adored my mother. I was just numb getting through Thanksgiving., but Xmas will be worse.

I have feelings just like many people who write on this site, of just wanting to join her. I feel so alone since she died. It still seems surreal and like she is just on some long vacation somewhere. I went back to work this week to a new job. I make it through the day and then everynight when I go home, I just fall apart. If it were not for some of the posts I have read on this site I might be in even worse shape. Reading these posts makes me aware that there are other people going through these feelings also.

I just wanted a couple more years with my mother. I was going to sell my house and go home to live with her and my father, so that I could take care of her. I feel that I got robbed of that time. I wasn't ready for this. I can't believe she is gone. Every night when I get home I feel like I face the realization all over again that I cannot pick up the phone and call her.