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6 Months Ago Today

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My dad passed away 6 months ago today. I was doing fine until 10:47 am the last time I spoke with him. I started crying at the bank, went shopping but that only made me cry, i posted on FB and twitted not that it was 6 months, only todays date. One of my friends wrote me back, "we aren't stupid we know today's date"! She was/is one of BF's. I say that pretty loosely because I have lost so many friends in the last 6 months. My mom (they are divorced) started talking to me today about my 'wedding'! I thought what the F***, I am not even engaged nor have a boyfriend. I though how insensitive of all days to bring this up...well she is a whole different problem! I am not allowed to have any feelings around her because life is all about her and what she does!

I am sad today. I don't really have anyone else to tell because all my friends don't want to talk to me anymore. Ok, I do have some friends left....

I also don't want anything to do with Thanksgiving because my dad and i would go xmas shopping the day after thanksgiving and go out for a spanish coffee. It is what we did every year. I hear from my step-mom she will not be celebrating any Holiday and that the family business xmas party will aalso not be happening?! In some ways, I am shocked because I think my dad would want us to make an attempt and not entirely forget but how can we go on when these holidays meant so much to him........I am also sad because my mom is making no attempt to take the place of my dad or help in anyway make me feel better?

My thoughts for 6 months into this horrible situation!

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Dear T,

I felt what you feel. I have a sister seventeen years older than I, whom I thought of as a second mother. Reading your post, I recalled our first Thanksgiving after Mom died. I wanted to set a place at the table for Mom, which idea she termed "ghoulish." I don't understand why people react so differently (or should I say "indifferently") to death. I had a history professor who theorized that there were two types of people, in fact two types of cultures: Rememberers and Forgetters. I remain intrigued by this idea, as each has its virtues. I am a rememberer. I deeply resented the forgetters. My oldest sister's gift to me was a Tony Robbins seminar (motivational business speaker) ... afterwards my brother-in-law told me I was the "chairman of my own board." The message seemed to be, "Move on! Don't look back!" And don't come to us for guidance or assistance. My sister and her husband began dating when I was three-years-old. I had thought of him as a big brother ...

My friends, my family (other than my daughter) were not able to comfort me. My friends didn't know Dad, and each family member had their own relationship with him, and their own reactions to death, some of which pained and aggravated.

I found comfort in my mother's friends. I know it's different with men ... harder to get them to reminisce ... but when my father died I wanted to hear stories about him. It helped me so very much ... and maybe them too. Some of the stories were very funny, and almost all of them shed new light on my father's life ... his life apart from his family, his life as simply a man, a farmer, a politician, a card-sharp.

You're in my thoughts.


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  • 2 weeks later...

I miss my dad so much! I do not know how I will get the Holidays. He loved Xmas and so did I! This is the first time in my life i've never decorated my house or done anything....my mom is of no help because she actually lets it known how much she 'hate's christmas'. I told her don't worry we won't be celebrating then she sends my brother and I an email, how can I make xmas good for you two? Now let's say she is spear heading with my brother to sue my step mother on a different matter.

I feel like a lost orphan. I miss my dad so much! I have friends and family taking advantage of me and I haven't even had the will read or done.....my friend we went to the Civil War and I paid for the entire thing....I told my step mom and already did not trust people...is this how my life will be from now until.? I am a lost sole.....my mom doesn't help because she is trying to get my dads S.S. money and I said to her if you get it you should give it to my brother and I! she said, no way! I wish she would go away...or I could go away from her or she and my brother would go away! A new day! A new day has not come to me.........

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