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Growth Through Grieving (Loss Of Mother)

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December 5th, 2009

A month has passed since I lost my mother to leukemia. Now I grieve a dozen times or more each day. At times I cannot speak and hold my mouth wide open in wordless pain. Disbelief. Tears.

Strange, but I welcome this grief. For me it's cathartic. Feels like I'm shedding the skin of an old self. I seem to be more open to the world, more interested in other people, more willing to engage.

I look around and see the natural beauty of autumn is stunning.

There is nothing debilitating about this grief, other than I sometimes get caught teary-eyed in public. My functionality is actually better. I just carefully plod through each day.

I saw a psychologist/counselor, who told me that grief was "horrible". Becoming emotionally upset can be unpleasant, sure. But I told the counselor directly, that I did not think that grief was "horrible" at all. For me grief was a good thing, a vehicle for personal growth. The psychologist/counselor initially choked on my "grief is good" talk, but later seemed to like the idea.

It's not that I enjoy plunging into tears. It's about the quality of memories that I have of my mother. Some memories are painful, but it's an honest kind of pain. I just let the memory and the pain wash over me.

Ron B.

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Hi Ron,

Grieving heals our heart as it is our heart that cleanses itself and becomes stronger. I am sure you have your heart filled with all the good memories of your mom and I am proud that you cry when you are among others as well because it helps you be stronger, no matter where you are.


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