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How Do I Walk Down The Aisle Without My Dad


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Hi, I'm in my mid 20's and I lost my 48 year old father this past August to a heart attack. I cannot belive he is gone, it actually blows my mind that he isn't here anymore. We were so close...he was one of my best friends/mentors/hero's...really the list goes on and on. I loved him with all of my heart. They were able to revive him after his attack but unfortunately too much time had passed and we had to take him off life support because he didn't have any brain activity. Fortunately, because they were able to revive him, I got to say "goodbye for now"...he was in a coma but I hope he could hear me... I believe that one day we will be together again.

I'm engaged and one of the hardest things to deal with is the thought of him not being at my wedding. I can't tell you how many times I pictured in my mind how it would be when he gave me to my husband...I even already had a song picked out for us to dance to. It tears me apart that he won't be there. Most of all I just miss talking to him...

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dear Tigereye,

I am sorry for the loss of your dear father. It is really awful to go through. I'm sure he would have desparately wanted to be the one to walk you down the aisle. My daughter is only 13 and this is one occasion I already carry the heartache for her. It has been a few months for you. I hope you have been able to see signs of his presence in your life...dragonflies, butterflies or something near and dear to you. I believe our loved ones are close and can still see us. We are at a disadvantage because we want to see them, the way they were, and that isn't possible. I have known people that have had something special for their dad in a prominent place in the wedding ceremony. One friend had both her dad's motorcycle helmet and her fiance's dad's helmet up front. Another had special flowers placed on the altar for all the loved ones that could not be there, except in spirit.

Please talk more here. It is a good place to vent and share. I will be waiting to hear what you do. He'll be there, I have no doubt about that.



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Dear Tigereye,

This may sound like a crazy idea, certainly not traditional, but what if you and your mother walked down the aisle together? When the minister asks, "Who gives this woman?" she would reply, "Her father and I." Then I imagine some close male relative helping her to her seat, perhaps her father, brother or son, holding her hand, symbolizing an unbroken circle of strong women and protective men.

And there is Maria Von Trapp (remember The Sound of Music?) who triumphantly marched herself down the aisle as an independent woman choosing to unite her life with the Captain.

Which song were you thinking of? After you and your husband dance, perhaps you could take the mike and smile and say, "This one's for you, Daddy. Come on, everybody join in! Dance with us!" And I imagine all the guests (even those who don't dance) getting up and dancing for your beloved dad and dancing to the blossom of new love, another circle and a joyous tribute.

I'm so sorry for your pain. He'll be with you. He'll always be with you.


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