Making Decisions

[Daughter2010]

Hi,

Today I have felt my father's absence even more than before. Talking on the phone with mom this morning, we are looking at ways to make the best use of his life insurance money. It is decisions like these that triggered memories of past situations where my dad was always there to provide wise advice, and I am not saying my mother does not give good advice, but it is a situation where I felt..let's ask dad...but oh ...right...he is gone, he is not here anymore, and it makes me so sad, I just cant help it. He was such a wise man, very analytical, very good at giving advice. I know that us, his family (mom , my brothers and I ) will be able to make a good decision. While we come up with one, we found ourselves thinking..what would Dad have done, what would he want us to do with it?

This is so new, these new situations without my dad. And I am not saying he provided the solution to everything, but having his advise was like feeling his support, his input. I miss my dad terribly...and as I am writing this post, I can't help it but cry. I know God has carried us through all of this, but still in our human nature it is hard to understand why are we living this situation and how to handle it.

Some days I think I am still in state of shock...others feel ok..and others like today feel totally sad. I know that's how grief comes....in sudden waves....

I needed to get this out of my chest...thanks for reading

-L

[leeann]

Yes I can understand what you have written here.

I have found I needed to devise a different language - or a different form to communicate with them.

It is all inner and it takes time for me to learn it... And listening is the hard part for me.

It may take all the time I have left here to learn it completely. I don't know.

I know God has carried us through all of this, but still in our human nature it is hard to understand why are we living this situation and how to handle it.

Yeah I don't understand it either and am figuring out how to handle it by the seat of my pants.