Kailyn's Birthday, 8 Months, Etc

[Korina]

I haven't posted in a bit as the last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. Kailyn's birthday actually went off very well. I was so busy, I didn't have time to miss Scott. However, the next day, it hit me. There was anger that he wasn't there with us. Funny how when he first died, there was no anger. But now there is (not now immediately, because right now, I am just tired ).

The last few days have been quite exciting here in Vancouver with the 2010 Olympics. We are a short couple of blocks from all the action. People are just so happy out in the pedestrian crowd. Kailyn can really sense it, and gets very excited when surrounded by all the people. But the whole thing is bittersweet, of course, as I don't have Scott here to discuss all the aspects of the Games.

And then on Tuesday, I must confess, it was the first time I really felt all alone. The company I work for is currently going through a huge restructuring, and I was informed on Monday that my position was being moved to mid central BC. Moving from Vancouver at this point in my life is not an option, because my whole social and support network is here. Moving would render me an emotional train wreck. So I have 10 months to look for something else (along with half of our local office, so far). I needed this like a hole in the head, but on the other hand, it could be an opportunity to ignite my career path. However, I did not have Scott to talk to (though I am pretty sure he probably would have said, "Screw the 10 montbs - leave now!" I would but of course, this is not a financially feasible move, now that I am a single mom). He would have had great ideas on where I should go with my career next. He always thought outside the box and was sooooo creative. Sigh, here come the tears... I wish I had even a bit of his creativity. I looked at a picture of Kailyn this evening and totally saw him in the way she crinkled her nose and laughed.

Speaking of pictures, here are a couple - one from her birthday party, one from her actual birthday (Feb 4), and one of us getting ready to go and hand out little flags and pins before the medal ceremonies.

Oh, I must really be tired...it is 8 months on Friday. (Wednesday was the last day I had a real conversation with him. I cried at work.)

Thanks for listening.

Korina

[Sharon3]

She is beautiful and how grateful you must be to have her. I have a 19 month old granddaughter who brings me joy and I am so grateful to have her in my life. I know what you mean about being around large groups of happy people...for me too it makes me sad. I too have felt anger and guilt as the months go by but with the help of my counsellor she helps me find my way through it , acknowledging it but not allowing it to swallow me up. While it is sometimes difficult to find the reasoning or understanding, things happen for a reason and there is a reason you will be finding new employment, while it may seem like a challenge now, try to embrace the change. Good luck