Are These People For Real

[niamh]

ok just a vent from me coz I'm in work and some of this crap just really really hurts. I had to listen to someone bitch and moan about their Dad for over 10mins at breakfast, had to just leave eventually. Seriously like, of all the things you could do in front of me, of all the people to moan about. Then someone else joined in with something on theirs ...so I left rather quickley before I actually burst out crying. It was like a knife thru my heart hearing "my Dad this, my Dad that" ....ugh it hurts so so bad right now. I just want my Daddy back.

I feel like screaming crying but I'm just trying hard to keep it together till the day is over.

how easily people forget or just don't think eh ? oh well what can one do but walk away.

something I realised last night while talking to my Mom is that I can write so much more than I can actually say out loud. As soon as words come out to my Mom about how I'm feeling, the tears start immediately and I can't get a word out of my mouth, I guess coz I know I don't have to guard myself around her.

I never realised this before, it just suddenly struck me as I tried to talk. So writing is a great way to get it all out I guess, get it out properly when the voice won't work

well, glad I have someone to get it out to here, they're not just words going into thin air.

so thanks as always, 4.5 hrs and counting here till the work day is done,

xox

[SHeiss]

Niamh,

Sorry about your co-workers. We have a lady here at work and her father just died from lung cancer and mine is dying from it. Her dad had a very fast spreading cancer and died within 4 months of being diagnosed. My dad has been diagnosed longer and I know when she gets back that I wont really be able to talk about feeling bad for my dad because he is dying because he is still here and that would be rude of me. So I will just have to keep my thoughts and emotions to myself because he is still here and I am very lucky for it! Anyway, I hope work zooms by for you today love!

-Shar

[niamh]

thank you so much Shar and thank you for thinking of your co-worker like that, those little thoughts make the difference. I only go for brekkie every so often now,i've just had a few episodes of the chats being like a knife in me so it's not worth it.

My day went from bad to worse and I ended up having a tiny panic attack in my car after work it had been a good few weeks, thought they were gone but it was a short one, am used to them now. So hard when you just cannot stop the tears, they keep coming. Then some dude came close to ramming my car on the way home deliberately driving too close so my tears turned to rage, I'm sure I looked a tad unstable just screaming in my car at him.luckily I like my car too much coz when he passed and i was behind ...oh I wanted to just crash into him full speed but wouldn't waste ruining my car *LOL*

anyways, hope you are getting the chance to spend time with your dearest Dad, I can't imagine how it is for you to have to watch and wait. sometimes I wish i had the chance with mine but then other times I'm "glad" (not sure what other word to use here coz glad seems wrong but you get me I'm sure!!) it was sudden. All ways are just crappy really. I'm glad you found this site and I hope we can all be there for you aswell.

thanks again for your message, sometimes it's just these simple msgs from others can bring me some calm,

xo