My Mom's First Mother's Day Without Her Son.....

[missyme]

I lost my brother on January 8, 2010. He was 36 years old. We still don't have the autopsy report but I suspect a prescription drug overdose.

My Mom is a wreck. She barely leaves her house. She's not thinking very clearly.

I really thought I was doing better for a minute. Until I realized that this is going to be my Mom's first Mother's day in 36 years without John. And I can't be there with her and I can't imagine the pain that she will be feeling. And it makes me feel like I am losing my brother again. I hate all these firsts. I HATE how much our lives have changed and I MISS MY BROTHER!! Every single day. I just think this is so unfair to all of us. I can't imagine that my Mom is going to be able to heal and recover from this. She seems so old and hasn't even turned 60 yet.

[Daughter2010]

Missy,

Big hug to you. Definitely, the "Firsts" are the most difficult days in grief, because it feels like we relive the story all over again. Does your mother live with someone? Do you have any other brothers or sisters than can be with her on that day? I know all of this must be very difficult for her, I am just trying to think of something that would make it somewhat easier on her, especially on mother's day.

-L

[Rosie68]

I am new tonight. I understand about your mother this first year. It is awful. I lost my son in 2007, and for the rest of that year and all of 2008 I don't even remember how I got through the days, especially the special days and holidays. Your mom is going through the worst of it. She will survive, slowly and in time. She will never be the same, but she will learn how to live again. Your brother will always be in her heart and she will hold him close, but she will go on. I know you are hurting too, but the best thing you can do now for your brother is be there for your mom. It can be a phone call, an email, anything to show her you think of her. I find that it helps to mark each special day (his birthday, the anniversary of his death) by gathering together. I have a mass said on those days and we attend together (whoever is available) and we visit the cemetery and have dinner together. It helps. I think he feels our love and that helps me. Take care. You and your mom will learn to cope and always hold your brother's memory in your hearts.