Hopelessness And Fear Of The Future!

[Aquarius7]

As you may have read in my other posting, my best friend in my life who is my Mom is sick. She has always been there for me. Always a place and person to fall back on. Along with the sadness I feel about her condition and what may happen (we are praying that it never does), I have several issues with myself which are directly related.

First of all, I live in her house with her. It has been great and she has been delighted to have me here. I don't know what the future of the house is, but as of now there is no way I could afford it and I seriously doubt that my

siblings will let me stay here or let me have the house at a later time. The house is not paid off by any means. I just finished the school year and my meagre income is now finished until the fall. I have very little (not liveable) income until then. Even then, my income is not enough to survive and live happily and comfortably. I have urges to sell all my belongings, take the money and move to a place where I have always wanted to live. But what then? Start completely over in a strange town with no friends no relatives and no connections whatsoever? And leave the wonderful relationship I have been in for nearly 3 years? It is a huge decision and one I may regret.

As of lately, I have been regretting nearly every decision in my adult life and feel completely hopeless and trapped. I have never felt this horrible about life in my entire life. Also, I feel nothing in my life has turned out the way I hoped it would so many years ago. There seems to be no way out whatsoever. I also feel I may make desperate decisions due to all this. I just don't know what to do!!!! I have even thought of suicide, but would never do it. I feel miserable and sad all the time. I must look it also.

Sorry and thanks.

[niamh]

hi Aquarius,

I'm sorry for you fear and hopelessness, I too know those worries. But for now I would try not to think so far ahead if you can do that, I know it's hard. I have so many fears about the future but I try to just put it away and get through today.

Your Mom is still here so try to focus on that, spending time with her.

I really don't know what to say here, I'm sorry for the regrets you have but just try not to think too far ahead, it's daunting and scary so take things day by day if you can manage to do so.

we are here!

hugs

niamh