Grandma Passed Away A Week Ago....

[Daughter2010]

I was sad when mom called me to give me the bad news. Grandma was 70yrs old, we all knew one morning she would not wake up but what we didnt know was that it could happen in the next few days or next few years. She survived 3 strokes, she was diabetic and most of her life was so strong.

I stayed with mom for this past week not just to comfort her but to keep her company. First my dad, now my mom's mom.

I feel a bit numb and a bit scared too. An entire generation has passed onto a different dimension now. Grandma is with grandpa now, and with my Dad. She was happy my mom married such a great man as my father :-)

I feel so strange, deep down inside me I wonder...who is going to be next and when? I get a bit anxious and scared. Scared for not being able to spend every single minute with my family. Mom and my brothers. I wonder sometimes about my place here....my place in life.

My family and I are trying to adjust to our new reality, but it is hard. This may sound stupid but I wonder if I am doing enough, i want to take care of my family, sometimes I feel that if we had known more about Dad's cancer symptoms, something could have been done to restore his health.

The feeling is that of impotence, where at one point or another our loved ones will leave this earth to go somewhere else, and the thought of that separation is unbearable. How is one supposed to feel better or recover after losing a loved one? How is life supposed to have meaning when deep down your heart is sad and heavy?

The what ifs of life....I just wished I understood why these things happen and how are we supposed to go on..I am forever changed person and at times I feel helpless.

I guess I am crying now because I was numb when I was with mom. I was taking care of her and comforting her.

How am I supposed to react to this, I don't want to be wondering oh...now who is going to be next. I know my dad and grandparents are not lost forever, I will see them when my turn comes. How people recover from this? how do people handle multiple losses?

I wish I had the answers for everything and wish I knew what to do every minute of my life and that of my family so no time would be wasted. Time is so precious when you spend it with your loved ones, I want to make sure I enjoy every moment spent with my family.

Sorry for rambling, I just feel so strange.

Thanks for listening

-L

[Kavish]

HI L,

I am sure your love for your grandmother is being felt by her. Please take care of yourself and you will feel that your grand ma is here with you.

Regards,

Kavish

[niamh]

hi Daughter 2010,

((((((HUGS)))))) to you, I am so so sorry about your Grandma, what an awful blow on top of already dealing with the loss of your dear Dad.

I wish we had the answers to your questions, I too have those same questions. I just don't understand the meaning or purpose of life anymore and I wish I did.

If only there was something comforting I could say to you, but there just isn't.

Sending lots and lots of love, hugs and strength to you hun,

niamh