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Angry At My Siblings!

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My Mom has not been gone for even 2 months. I am still in extreme shock and am in an extremely fragile emotional state. I live in the house where my Mom and I lived for the last 36 years. Now it is just me and our wonderful dog.

I was trying to do better. Was actually feeling a little better for a day or so. In other words, I did not cry for a day! But then what I knew was going to happen started happening even faster than I expected. My brother started wanting to get moving on the succession. My other brother agreed with this and my sister just went along with it. Since my brother is a lawyer, they all think he knows what is best. Well, he is an extremely non-emotional person with no sentimental value to anything at all. So for the last few days I have been getting and reading tons of emails about the "succession" (a word I hate! Along with "estate"). He is such a control freak; basically telling everyone what they "need" to do. Not a word about my Mom in all this; other than how she may not have been able to remember passwords, accounts and all that kind of nonsense which is indeed nonsense in the grand scheme of things! So now, they are pushing to get things "moving" including trying to "clean up and clear out the house", which of course translates to me having to pack up and move. This is all very "businesslike" with no mention of the history of the house, its meaning and sentiment in the family. It is only a piece of my Mom's "estate" which needs to be "put in the succession". And of course "the succession needs to take place as soon as possible." I was so FURIOUS I could have just SCREAMED! I still am furious and have developed a strong dislike for my brothers and their insensitivity towards my Mom's memory and all she ever did for us, their insensitivity towards my severe grieving (of which they have NO IDEA about!), not to mention my having to move from the place I have called "home" for 36 years. Deep down, I think they are enjoying it. For years, at least one of them had told me on several occasions over the past 20 years "well...you need to move out." Not taking into account the strong bond I had with both my Mom and Dad with whom I was no doubt closer with than any of them (another fact that I know they greatly resent).

I told them I want to stay in the house and would like to buy them out. They are encouraging me to try to, but I think this is a sarcastic statement by them because they know all too well of my meagre income. I went to the bank today and told an officer about my idea of wanting to get the house and about my situation. I actually broke down and cried in front of her. That's how much this whole issue if affecting me not to mention how utterly devastated I am about losing not only my Mom, but also my Dad all over again. To make matters worse, the girl I want to marry told me she does not want to have to pay another 30 year mortgage when her own house (way too small for both of us) will be paid off in a few years. I love her dearly and can understand her point. But this house would be perfect for us. With both of our incomes combined and by selling her house, we could do it! And most of all I know that that is exactly what my Mom would want! I wish she would have willed the house entirely to me, but I think she was afraid to upset the others (even though they all have their big,fancy, nearly paid off houses).

So that is where I am. I am sorry this is so long, but this has been a really tough week not to mention year. I fell on the floor crying tonight and went outside of the house wailing and crying as I took the trash out. I just cannot believe the insensitivity of some people. They think I have a problem, but it is they who really have a problem. It is called not having any soul and being completely heartless.

It is sickening!

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. One of the most infuriating things after the death was how businesslike and cold-hearted people can appear to be, especially to those who are still in shock and outwardly emotional. I hope somehow you guys are able to talk things through.

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So sorry you are going through a situation like this. Do not dismay, it is understandable for you to ensure things get done the way your mom would have wanted. I think that is a way of honoring her. I am sure there has got to be a way to solve this. What would you mother have wanted?

You guys are a family, not a business. I really hope your siblings can get to understand the magnitude of what happened two months ago.

Take it one day at a time, I hope things get better.


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hi Aquarius,

aw I am so sorry for all the $*** you have to put up with now, you certainly don't need that. I can't imagine how bad you feel with your own siblings going on like that. Of course you are angry, this is your home and has been for all your life, I just don't understand some people, I really don't.

I hope your siblings can at least look at this from your side, it is so early to start making big decisions like that.

I'm sorry to hear this is also causing some issues with your fiancee. I wish I knew what to say. All I know is that I feel like you about my home. I still live there with my Mom now and I never ever want to live anywhere else and I never will. Once upon a time I wanted to some day build my dream house, not anymore, I want to stay in the home I grew up in, I want to always be able to see and be in the places I was with my Dad.

ugh, I just don't know what to say except I'm so so sorry for all this.

much love and hugs to you


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Aquarius - I too am dealing with siblings, one of whom has caused me extraordinary trouble. My sister gained control of my mother's estate, and the first thing she did was lock me out of my mother's house! This was done according to a lawyer's advice, so that no other sibling would loot the family estate. Isn't that interesting how lawyers insert distrust within a family? But my sister loved it, because she really is a control freak. Next she threw all of my possessions out of the house, not as trash, but rather she dumped them all on me when I had flown in for a visit. I had no way to carry all the stuff back to my home! Then I talked to my sister on the phone, trying to upright our relationship, and all she could do was berate me for an hour and a half, expressing years of resentment, and and listing all the faults of my character. It got so nasty, and I became so upset, that I had to seek out a professional psychologist to cope with my haywire emotions. My brothers are more open and soulful people, but even with them there have been issues. It's just a real rough time. Overall, my strategy has been to withdraw from any conflict with siblings, but sometimes I have to participate in matters regarding the estate. To be honest about it, I literally can't stand being around my sister at all, she is repugnant to me, but I will have to face her in the future, and be pleasant about it too! So feel reassured that you are not the only person here with serious sibling issues; I know what it is about. I hope you find constructive ways to engage your siblings, as the alternative is to dive into your own hurt feelings, and then things can get worse. Gain strength from others here, or anywhere you can. Eventually you will get through this difficult time with your integrity intact. - Ron B.

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