My Died Last Week On My Birthday

[urbabygirl79]

he was not even 60, we just found out last month that he had cancer, he thought it was back issues but too find out it was a mass pinching his siatica nerve, and every hour after that was more tests and hope fading fast. My Dad was covered in cancer, he had 21 tumors through out his body. No one understood how the man still functioned. He is my hero. It was the 13th of last month, and we barried him yesterday on the 13th of this month. He went through hell. And yet everyone says 'he is out of pain' and this I know to be true I watched him suffered hard and fast. And I am glad that his pain is gone for that is all he wanted. but I told him it was my birthday wish for him to be out of pain - I had no idea God would listen and take my daddy on my birthday last week. I'm lost bitter, devastated, numb and would like to not move. Please any words of encouragement would help me, please tell me anything at this point positive to help me.

to *&^^.

[Ron B.]

urbabygirl79 - Just a quick note to you. Everybody here lost someone. We understand the grief. It's so raw and the pain is beyond words. Almost all of us have been through wild mood swings. Eventually that will settle down. Try to give expression to your emotions. Just taking care of yourself for now is plenty to deal with. Eat, sleep, keep company when you can. Find support with family and friends. Use this site liberally if it helps. Realize that you are a big part of your father's legacy. You carry on for him. His legacy can guide you. Many here believe that their lost loved ones are with us now, certainly in spirit, if not in material presence. We all survive this loss, and even grow to become stronger, because of that love and guidance we got from our parents. Welcome. - Ron B.

[urbabygirl79]

Ron, thank you so much

[Daughter2010]

Hello urbabygirl79,

First of all, my condolences on your father's passing. My father passed away 10 months ago from cancer. His was discovered at stage 3, and even though he responded incredibly well to chemotherapy and surgery, it was just not enough, we ran out of time. He was 58 years old.

All of us on this site have lost a loved one, father, mother, grandmother, grandfather, husband, wife...etc and can understand the pain of a loss. Each loss is unique and very personal. While your experience and his passing was sort of expected, it was also a bit of a shock given the short time from diagnosis to death. My heart goes out to you in this time of pain, and you may be wondering how this process goes, why you feel the way you do and let me say the reactions experienced are quite normal in the grieving process. One day you may be feeling just ok and the next you will feel crushing pain,anger, etc.

No one gives us a manual on how these things are supposed to be processed and I guess it is simply a very personal experience to just describe how you are supposed to feel or what you are supposed to do during this time. I did not understand the way I felt, everything felt so surreal, I was in disbelief, sorrow, a bit of anger, etc.

For now, please make sure you take care of yourself as in the early days and months it is important to care for your physical, mental and emotional health. It is also extremely important that you allow yourself to grieve. Do not put a time table on grieving or the recovery process. Each one of us goes at our own pace. If you feel the need to talk to someone please do maybe to family and friends who are willing to listen. Also be aware that there maybe times you may feel like being alone, and others you will want to seek company. It is different for each one of us, but please know that we understand your pain and feel free to come by and drop us a line if you want to talk, vent, etc. We are here for you.

Each day for me is a learning process, I will remember and miss my father until it is my turn to leave this earth, but I also know in my heart that he wants the best for me and I want to honor him in every way possible. There are many questions I have for God and they may or may not be answered on this earth. I am grateful for every single moment I got to spend with my father and like I was telling mom a while ago, just because dad is not in the physical form doesn't mean he ceased to exist, he is just in another dimension.

Sending you a big big biiiigg hug, know that you are not alone in this.

Take care,

-L

[niamh]

hi urbabygirl79

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Daddy, it's so awful that we are forced to become part of this club. I am sorry you had to see him suffer aswell, I can't begin to imagine that pain. I lost my Dad suddenly last Christmas, one minute he was in hospital for a simple kidney stone removal procedure, next thing we are getting a call at 3am to say come in they've been 20mins trying to revive him.

hun, having this happen on your birthday aswell, so so so much emotions to cope with.

All I can say is whatever you feel is normal now, this is such a huge shock to your mind and your body. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel hun and know there is nothing at all wrong with you. When grief hits like this we may have no idea what is happening to us, I know I felt like I was losing my mind at the start but I did some reading on grief and realised it was all normal.

Feeling lost, bitter, devastated, numb .............each of these words is so familiar to me and probably to most of us here, just know its ok to feel all these things.

For I would just say to be kind to yourself, this is all about YOU now. If you feel like sleeping at a particular time, go do that, if you feel like reaching out to talk to people do that, if you feel like being alone do that, if you feel like crying, screaming do that .........just remember that you are entitled to do whatever you want.

If you feel like sharing with us here maybe you will find a tiny bit of comfort just knowing someone else out there can relate to you. Nobody can feel exactly the same because we all grieve in our own way, each of our relationships was unique but there are things we find in common on this horrible journey. And if you don't feel like sharing, that's ok too, maybe reading some other posts you can see how we have and continue to deal with all of this.

There are no magic words urbabygirl79, at least there are none for me.

But I am sending you a (((BIG HUG))) from another Daddy's girl,

Niamh

[urbabygirl79]

Thank you all so much, your words are priceless to me at this time not knowing in which direction to turn. I am glad that these forums are avaliable to us all.

[schelly]

urbabygirl79,

I am sooooo very sorRy for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I do not know if you are a relgious person But I do truely believe that God has a plan for everyone and at times it feels like we just cannot go on but somehow we do. I lost my dad on may 2nd and feel absolutely devastated. I lost my fatherinlaw 28 years ago to suicide and my only brother 3 years ago to suicide and thought nothing could ever hurt so bad... till I lost dad. But I talk to dad every day and feel him in my life on a daily basis. Just in a different way. I know these words do not take your pain away and you will be in my prayerS.`