And Again..

[hello123]

I just found out a girl in my year who blatantly had severe mental health issues but was never helped has committed suicide aged 21. What has made me so mad is peoples' reactions, when I heard I came home straight away but my friends asked why are you going home as though it's an everyday occurrence. this is like a rewind and I feel like I have the guts to say what I never did say to everyone, everyones upset and shocked now but by next week theyl'll be fine, they dont have to LIVE with it they carry on as normal in their lives complaining about stupid things I can't even express how angry I am at the injustice. I was just speaking to my 16 year old brother who said I remember the last thing I said to Dad I was really annoyed at him making me go to bed so I complained and said goodnight angrily, I feel so helpless how can I help him? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO US?? Why is death a bit of drama and a joke to everyone else where as some peoples' lives are ruined? It's so unfair that this has happened to us, and worse that people are such self-obsessed stupid individuals... ARGHH sorry had to rant I feel soo bad I cried and smashed stuff but my housemate shouted what the hells wrong with you- great support I know, I don't have anyone to talk to which isn't always bad but sometimes because its all inside you need to do something drastic like break stuff which would be ok if you weren;t surrounded by clueless people who's main ordeal in life is their girlfriend drama or 'what shall i wear to my night out' i hate them all!!!!!!!!

[niamh]

hello123,

I'm sorry about the girl in your year, that's so sad. And I'm sorry for your friends reactions to you wanting to go home. I find hearing about anyone else's death now stings me, having some tiny vague idea of what their family and friends now have to face, and of course a "reminder" (not that it's needed) for my own pain.

Yes, for most people life does go on very fast and people do think for us it just all carries on as "normal" too eventually. People lose patience, lose tolerance and don't understand that from here on we are just trying to live in a world without our loved ones, trying the best we can but we are aware of it every single day.

I'm sorry you don't have anyone right there with you to talk to in person, but I hope you know you have so many of us here always here to listen and share.

I know of that anger you talk of and I'm sorry your housemate shouted at you. I do think that anger has to be released somehow, I know I've screamed and shouted when I've been in my car, somewhere nobody can hear me and I can just let it out...............it usually turns to tears and just raw heartache. Sometimes I also write when I feel it, to my Dad, AT God (or whoever) and just completely let rip at everything when I do, does it help ?? I guess it doesn't hurt, because it just gets something out of me.

I hear you too on other people's "issues", everything else pales in comparison to what we feel. My tolerance is pretty low these days for so much & so many.

Hun, I'm sorry you brother has this added to his pain. I wish I knew how you could help him, what could help him with this. Does he believe your Dad lives on in the afterlife or anything like that ? Maybe writing a letter to him might "help", might do something, I'm really not sure.

huge HUGS to you, I just hope you know you are not as alone as you might think,

xx

[hello123]

Thank you so much Niamh!! It's good to know im not the only one who feels like that sometimes xx