Today Was A Lot Harder Than I Imagined It Would Be...

[Anthony]

Thanksgiving-- about 8 weeks after mom died.

I kept it small-- and maybe I should have had a huge do and kept busier...

I just know I feel about as bad as I ever have-- and don't see an end in sight.

[sunstreet]

Anthony, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. It is ok and normal to feel that there is no end in sight. Your loss is so recent. I lost my Father 4 years and 6 months ago. For me, the pain has eased and I do see an end in sight. I hope the passing of time brings this feeling to you as well.

I wanted you to know you have been heard. I understand so well.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Anthony]

I just cant seem to stand sitting around the house-- doing nothing. So-- you could perform surgery on my floors and eat out of my toilets and there isn't a dust bunny or a dog hair (and I have 3 of them) to be found...

how is this working for me? Not well at all really...

I am considering taking a part time job to get me out of the house even more-- something productive to do.

[west]

Life is not fair but you will continue and make it. I know my husband passed last Spring and my children are going to a grief group run through Hospice. See if you can find one in your community. It is free and worthwhile, so maybe give it a try. I wish you the best. Your mom will be sorely missed for the rest of your life, but you will deal with it better.

[jg2010]

Anthony, I know how you feel. It's been 4 months since my mother died very suddenly. After 8 weeks I said the same words you did - I didn't see any end in sight to the pain. It felt like I had been kicked in the gut so hard that I couldn't breathe, couldn't eat, always felt like I was going to be sick. I felt like I was walking around in a total daze. Just a couple weeks ago I started feeling a little more like myself again, but the pain is still like nothing I've ever experienced before, and Thanksgiving really set me back. I thought I was okay on Thanksgiving itself, but then over the weekend I felt like it was all happening all over again. Sometimes waves of pain come over me that are so strong I feel like I can't possibly go on like this. People tell me to focus on what I'm grateful for - but nothing means too much without my mother here. I will say that one thing that's given me great comfort is learning how to talk to my mother. It was really hard at first, but I started by asking myself what she would say about any number of things that would happen throughout the day. I kept hearing her tell me that she'll always be with me and that my sister and brother and father are here for me. It's very bittersweet - comforting and painful at the same time. But now I'm feeling more like she is with me in whatever I do - actually, it feels great when I have something big going on and I feel like she's right there watching me. I also feel like she lives through me and that whatever I do is a reflection of her life, which motivates me to be the very best person I can be.

If you feel up to it, it may help you to get out a little. I work part time and am in school, so that gets me out. At first it was really hard; it felt physically painful to even be around other people. That is getting easier and there are brief moments when I get preoccupied with something else and I don't notice the pain as much. If I had more time, I think it would help to do some volunteer work to help others in need. I may do something like that around Christmas. But don't try too much too soon. I get tired really easily, and then I'm even more consumed with pain. Just be really aware of your limits. Start slow and remember your mother is with you every step. I wish I could say there is an end to the pain, but I don't think there is. I think there's just a point (hopefully) where the darkness isn't quite so dark, it's not as hard to get moving throughout the day, and you are more aware of your mother living on inside you. There's really nothing anyone can say to make it easier, but I promise you you're not alone.