11 Months Today

[hello123]

It's so weird today, 11 months to date, I dont keep track of the date but today it's different because in a months time I will no longer be able to think "this time last year". Again no support from anyone, a friend has tried to talk to me and asked if I want to talk and I kinda do but she's like "remember the good times" and making it all happy and upbeat but it's not she doesn't understand. I can't think f the good times because they were cut short there was due to be so many more. I can't cry properly, I'm angry still why us EVERYONE else is over 50 why couldn't my dad live over it. It's such a helpless feeling, getting angry doesn;t even help theres nothing I can do, I just don't know what to do

[sunstreet]

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

I hear your cries of pain. I offer my understanding. This poem came to mind when I read your post so thought I would share with you.

I hold you in gentle thought and prayer.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[west]

If you can see a therapist and you will be able to talk it out; they will understand you. Know that unless people have walked in your shoes then they do not get it. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[hello123]

Thank you so much for your replies

[hello123]

So I thought Id put it on here even though its kinda a new topic. Its a different complaint to usual rather than people not being there more people trying to understand but not doing it!! So a friend I fell out with after my dads death, well I didnt fall out she just decided to stop speaking to me has tried to come back into my life, and I let her because beggars cant be choosers and she was a good friend we had good times and I dont have many people around me right now to distract me. I made the mistake of getting into a conversation with her involving me telling her how I feel about this sudden death, that no1 understands and I'm appalled at how they react. BUT all I get from her makes me annoyed, her mum had cancer a few years ago and beat it, now shes talking to me like my situation is no worse than hers n im like HANG ON because she says oh trust me nobody asks after the few months when my mum was better nobody even asks how she is (even though I always did and so did my mum). Am I being cruel here or what because I dont think her situation is as bad, Id hate to have seen my dad suffer but if he was ok and alive now I wouldn't equate it to the sudden death no goodbyes no memories to treasure. She laughs/dismisses it and tells me oh dont single urself out from other people, maybe if it was someone who understood I would value her advice more but I cant I feel like shes so dismissive she wasnt there when I needed a friend, I enjoy spending time with her but hate her reaction. Just wanted to know am I being unreasonable because thats how it feels? As though our situations are the same and I should feel pity for her rather than myself because I still think I am jealous I wish my dad got cancer and got better, but she cant understand!!