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It's been 15 years since my Dad died. I was 9 years old when it happened. I'm 24 now and I've been beginning to realize how his passing has continued to affect me all these years later.

Whenever I heard people talking about "getting over" someone, whether it was a death, breakup or whatever, I just always assumed that you just let the time pass and you'll be okay eventually. I never realized the power of talking about how such a traumatic event until recently. In college, I got a serious girlfriend and broke up with her after 2 years. I stuck to my method of not talking about how bad it made me feel to be without her. Again, I figured that "time heals all wounds" and just tried to go on living my life as if nothing had happened.

What did happen is I rebounded twice with very painful results and it took me 2 1/2 extra years to graduate college (which barely happened anyway). I knew that I had to do something to help myself after I graduated, so I joined AmeriCorps. I figured that being around people with big enough hearts to dedicate a year of their life to helping people would be what I needed to be around. I'm 6 months into my year long service time and things are finally getting noticeably better for me.

All of that said, I know that I still have a root issue to address: the death of my father. Specifically, I need to talk with my Mother about it. My mother and I have always gotten along great. We always laugh around each other and share the same interests. This is why I think that lingering problems surrounding my father did not emerge until recently. I had very happy teenage years with lots of friends and, for the most part a good college experience. What I am now realizing is that my mother and I never really let each other know how we felt about what happened to my father. Now I can recognize that the two of us have not been very emotionally available for one another ever since he passed. She tells me about her successes at work and I'm happy for her, but I admit that I don't care as much as I should. I talked to her about a particularly devastating relationship with a girl and I did not feel consoled by her. I felt that she thought I was making too big a deal over it and that I needed to get over it.

Sigh. We are so closed off to one another in so many important ways. I know that I have to talk to her about this and let her know just how painful my Dad's death still is for me. I've been talking to my friends about this situation lately to try to build up to the talk that I am going to have with my Mom and it's helped. Writing on this forum is a little bit of the same and I appreciate very much you all letting me post on here and anyone who reads this. Here's to a better tomorrow.

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I am so sorry for your loss. my husband died last year and my two children experienced different ways to deal with their grief. One good- talking and expressing his feelings and seeing a therapist and the other not so good which eventually came back to haunt him. I know then that people deal with their grief differently. Maybe talking to a grief therapist may help you understand your loss and understand how your mom has dealt with the loss.

I congratulate you on all the positive things you are doing with your life.


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I'm so sorry for your loss and I get what you mean. I was 20 when my dad died last year and my brothers 15 and 7 and I feel like my youngest brother is not "dealing with it" but obv not I mean how can a young child deal with something like that, we avoid it don;t talk about it and we think its in his best interest to go on as normal as he can. But when you get older things trigger it because you couldnt deal with it when you were young. My friend lost her mum at 12 and said it only "hit " her and she only started dealing with it at 21 and for me I have broken up with my bf and I feel weird like its SO upsetting and I cant talk to anyone because its not just a "break up" its centered around everything to do with my dad, and it makes it 10000x worse...I dunno what advice to give don't let people make you think its a small thing because its not and just know that you are not the only one!!

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