Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Just Some Of My Thoughts


Recommended Posts

Well I have been thinking about things today because it's been 3 years since my Mum passed, and well I have some things on my mind.

Its a bit weird but I don't feel sad today, but I am supposed to right?

Can something be so painful that you don't want to face the emotions and feelings of that pain?


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Amz. I'm distinctly uncomfortable with telling anybody how they should feel. Feelings are just there, and it's hard to put on on a face when we don't really feel it.

You ask a big question with your last sentence:

"Can something be so painful that you don't want to face the emotions and feelings of that pain?"

Well, I'm no expert on 'pain' or 'human emotion', but I will hazard an answer. Yes indeed, I think people can develop avoidance behaviors when it comes to the matter of emotional pain. Probably it's better to face pain when we can, in some way dealing with it and settling the matter in small ways. But when the pain is overwhelming, it's just real hard to collect and compose ourselves to face it all squarely. I think we can learn to handle the pain better if we digest it in smaller doses. For example, some of us here can't look at photographs of departed family members, because of a sudden rush of painful emotion. And that's OK; we can't force ourselves to digest painful stuff on command. On the other hand, looking at the photos now and then is a way of dealing with the emotional pain. We memorialize our lost family members in this way, gradually changing the photo from being about pain into a ritual of honoring a family member.

If we don't make an effort to face the things that cause us emotional pain, then all the 'hurt' just stays unprocessed and can emerge in disruptive ways. If we face just a little of the emotional pain, then slowly we whittle away the rough edges of feeling, so that the pain we do feel is more manageable. So long as we express our feelings honestly, then I think we become unstuck, and the healing process begins.

I'll stop my blathering on about pain now. Beautiful Thanksgiving day here in the San Francisco Bay Area. Glad to exchange thoughts with you today, Amz.

Ron B.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Ron for the reply.

I really like to hear the opinions of different people as it makes me think and get a better idea at what different feelings and emotions can mean.

I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, as I live in England, we don't celebrate it here.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Amz, I have heard the more time passes since your loved one has passed that the happy memories will replace the painful ones. It's only been about 6 months since my dad passed, so I'm still working on that. I'm happy that you are feeling at peace now. Love and hugs, Pam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...