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The Holidays - And Other Special Occasions


Raindrop

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As most of us are aware, holidays (and other special occasions) are difficult to go through after the death of a loved one.

I'm assuming there are probably already 500,000 million threads in this forum about this topic. I'm sorry to start yet another one, but I'm not in the mood to look for older ones to post to.

The saddest thing about today (Thanksgiving holiday) is that I'm alone. (I'll probably be alone on Christmas Day too.)

My first Thanksgiving here (I moved to this city a bit over two years ago - I did not want to, it's a long story), a few distant family invited me over for the holiday, but this year, nothing.

And all these family members know I have never married, I've never had kids, and I don't know anyone here.

Not a single one extended an invitation this year. Not even any phone calls or e-mails wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.

It's hard enough getting through holidays without my loved one being around, but to be overlooked and forgotten by living family at these times makes it more painful and lonely.

If anyone else would like to use this thread to post about their holiday experience in light of their loss, that's fine. We don't have to keep it only about me and my experience.

This is one crummy Thanksgiving today (I don't even have any turkey), and I'm guessing Christmas is going to be just as bad.

BTW, since my mother died, I really hate Mother's Day (which falls in May, I think).

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  • 2 weeks later...

Everyday day is hard. But, it seems there are certain times of the year like holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, that make it sting alittle extra.

I lost my fiance in September. In October was my 28th birthday, which was hard. Celebrating my birthday for the first time, in a long time, without Mike there with me. Not to get a card or flowers like I usually would from him. Then in November there was Thanksgiving which also fell on his 2 month anniversary of his passing. DOUBLE HARD. Now we're approaching christmas and the 23rd of December which would have marked our 1 year anniversary of getting engaged. So every month I've had something that makes it sting more. But, you just have to try to spend the day with loved ones whether they be family or friends. Try to find time throughout that day to smile or laugh, because you know your passed loved one would want you to.

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@ Raindrop - I hope you find someone to share Christmas with, no one should spend that day alone.

For me, the closer we get to Christmas, the more I feel as though I am losing my grasp on reality....

On September 28th, my mom and I went to see the doctor to get 'Sutent', a medication that will prolong her life expectancy. Instead she received news that there was nothing more the doctors could do for her, and now it was just a matter of keeping her comfortable until death took her.

After this long battle. I've never held and cried so hard with someone in my life. The next day, September 29th is my birthday.

In mid-October my mom became paralyzed and had to be rushed to the hospital. She was admitted into palliative care that day. Hallowe'en used to be my favorite holiday. Now I'm not so sure.

Then comes my sister's birthday, November 4th, and my mom's death, November 9th. I will always have something a bit more personal to remember on Remembrance Day now.

Then there's today, December 12th and it's my brother's 26th un-birthday. He wants nothing to do with it.

And then Christmas. If I can get through my first parent-less Christmas without going insane I will be so relieved. This will leave only January left to struggle through, the month my dad chose to take his life - January 24th, 1998. Every year January is extremely hard for me.

February may get a little bit easier, but only once the 15th has come and gone. My mom would have turned 60. I want to get a tattoo that day, in memory of my mother's life, if I make it till then with a sound mind.

I like the poem MartyT posted here:

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=7062&view=findpost&p=57357

but I can't say that it applies to me... the ending is all wrong.

~Novi

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