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I Want To Hurt Less, But Not Be Hurtless

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It has been 2 1/2 years since I experienced the death of both parents within 35 hours of eachother. There are lots of days the pain is better, more numb feeling. Then there are days when I want to retreat within myself and have no contact with anyone. I battle this every few weeks. As Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, I want nothing more than to celebrate them with my family, my husband and two children. Create our own traditions, some from my parents and some of our own. There is a part of me that just wishes it was already January. I am an only child and that is a little more difficult. It is a different dynamic than families with multiple children. I feel so alone, even in the presence of my own family. There is an emptiness, deep within that aches for my parents.

Don't get me wrong, I am a very strong christian and I know they are with the Lord and wouldn't come back now for anything. I know I will see them again, in Glory. I just long for that to be soon. Not that I want to leave my family, but that Christ would come back so we all can go! I will be praying for all those hurting this holiday season. I want to hurt less, but not be hurtless. Hurting is a natural part of this world. James 1:2 tells us we are to "consider it all joy whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." I would say to each of you, turn to the Lord, He is the only One who can make the hurt less.

In Christ,

Only Child

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dearest Only Child,

Thank you so much for sharing your faith and scripture, as I too am a devout Christian. My dad went "home" on June 29, 1989 at the age of 48, after suffering a massive heart attack, I was 24 years old at the time, my parents were divorced and I am the oldest of 3 girls, so I, alone, was responsible for handling all the affairs and final preparations, etc. My dad, however, a couple of years before he died, decided to put into place plans for his funeral for when the time came, I have no idea if he had preminutions or whatever, all I know is he pretty much made all the arrangements, all I had to do was sign on the dotted line, with regards to the funeral arrangements.

My struggle was in the legalism religion I was taught as a child, growing up in a small "holy rolling" Pentecostal church, I was taught that if you do certain things, like smoke or whatever, you are "back-slidden" and you're going straight to Hell, literally, and this was a church where my very own aunt was the preacher, so it was "all in the family". I love my aunt, and I am so thankful I was brought up in a Christian home, and as a family, we have all learned over the years not to place judgment too quickly on a situation, as only the Lord really knows anyone's heart, so I'm happy to say in the midst of growing up in a legalistic religious atmosphere, our family has learned and accepted more and more scriptural truth. That said, when my dad died in 1989, with what I was raised in, they all said "he was back-slidden", therefore, he was in hell, but I knew differently, the Lord had spoken to me so many times before and after my dad's death that my dad was with Him in Heaven, but it was difficult for me to accept because the enemy kept reminding me of the incorrect teachings I had received as a child, and it took me 11 years to finally accept the truth, that my dad is in Heaven with our Lord, and he's waiting for me and his family.

I was just so touched by what you said, I had to respond, people are responding left and right to other posts, and I always incorporate a little bit about my faith when I respond, but I had seen where you hadn't had any responses, and I wanted you to know that I appreciate what you wrote and I'm thankful, and I know half of what you are going through, and you are not alone, and you are loved.

Please write anytime and remember:

Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted", and

Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk, and not faint".

Your friend and sister in Christ Jesus,


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