I Wish I Could Go Home Where They Used To Be

[butterflygrl]

I'm only 18 I feel like I'm the youngest one here. This is my first Christmas without both of my parents and with me living on my own. I was in a foster home last christmas and they kept me so busy I didnt have a whole lot of time to break down. I finally started to grieve for my mom then my dad died in June to add to everything. My mom was my world and I still miss her more than anything. They just sold my old house the one where I bought a new tree and decorated it for her before she came home from the hospital after a surgery. I grew up in that house. I'm in my own apartment now I bought a lil tree and decorated it I went through the routine of buying Christmas presents for everyone, But it's not the same. I think i'm finally coming to grips with the fact that I'm here and they're both gone and neither are coming back. My apartment has looked for months like I just moved in. I think it's because I was hoping this was like all the foster homes i've been in over the 6 months before I turned 18. Although I think I was hoping to go home when I turned 18 and have things back the way they used to be.I've never felt like this was really my home. I still have my moms medical card and her blockbuster card and its just so hard to let go of that stuff. I know I need to let this go it's just hard to do.

[Maylissa]

Butterflygrl,

I'm so sorry you've lost both of your parents, and at such a tender, young age. This must be devastating for you. It's hard enough at any age, but I can't even imagine losing a mother, especially, when so young. It's been hard enough for me, and I'm more than twice your age. I'm so sorry you're going to have to go through this so early in life, and especially with neither of your parents there to help you.

However, despite the age difference, I can still relate to your extra feelings of loss over your childhood home as well. Though I'd not even been in my childhood home for many years, losing it abruptly after my Mother passed ( and only getting to be in it for about 5 hours before it was soon sold ), was still extremely difficult, and remains so to this day. I'd lived there 'til I was 20, so the amount of memories we'd both have attached to our homes is similar in length. It's like another piece of my history has been taken away and I still have a desire to turn back the hands of time so I can at least go back and just poke around in it, all by myself, one last time. Don't feel like you have to get rid of anything of your mom's that you might have, unless you really want to...and even then, I'd wait before making any rash decisions as you might change your mind later on. You might take a picture of your mom and frame it with those cards, or something like that. It doesn't matter what the objects are; if we hold them dear to our hearts then they become treasured mementoes of our loved one. It's been almost 2 years for me and I still haven't taken the clothes of hers that I don't want to a second-hand shop yet. There's no rush. We do things as we feel able, respecting our feelings as we go.