Trying

[amy]

Hi my name is amy,

I lost my mother 6 weeks ago today. she went in her sleep very unexpeted she was a dibetic and she had a rare skin diorder in the home of lupas. she had been sick on and off for about 12 yrs but she was just fine the day before pepole in her apt. bulding says so. I had not talk to her in about a week. and it had been a month or two snice i had seen her. All the meds she was on would make her very hard to deal with at times. I am the youngest chlid of 3 and i was the one mama always called on in her life . now i 'am so lost and alone even though i have 2 small kids to take care and a loving husband nothing feels the pain.So if you have any words to help i could use them.

Thanks,

god bless

Amy

[Fiona]

Hi Amy

I think I know how you feel. My mother found she had breast cancer in November 2001. I couldn't belive it quite, and acutally thought most people get better. I was so blazay about it . I went back home for 3 months to be with her over the winter time. I found her attitude really negative and doom and gloom. Although she prayed everyday, I think she was more outraged that God had done this to her.

I on the other hand was so positive. Telling her, and really believing that everything would be fine. After all many women recover from this condition, or so I thought. I left home again and returned to my job. But then she didn't actually get better and died 8 months later.

I got back the night before she died. And I had one last chance to talk to her. I was truly shocked to see her. Her skin was bright yellow since her liver had been affected, and she was unable to move her body. It was quite terrible and started crying on sight. My family were outraged that I reacted this way, and told me to talk about anything but her illness.

You know now in a way I am relieve. Because if I had been with her those 8 months, I'd have seen the whole terrible deteriation. And had to try and make her see the bright side of things the whole time.

Is that really selfish?

I hope you are doing OK about the loss of your mother. I know you have a lot to do with you children and husband and all. I hope you can find time for yourself. And to not feel any guilt about not seeing your mother in that last week. You simply can not be there all the time. And they know we love them.

Fiona

[Guest Shannon]

Hi Amy,

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost a woman this past April who was more of a mother to me than my "real" mother was and a grandmother to my kids, also. She died of cancer. (One of many losses for me within the last year). She had battled it for more than 20 years on and off. The last five years was the worst for her. We, too, thought that she would make it through it very time they found a new spot, as she always had before.

I, too, did not feel like I had spent enough time with her. As you know, everyday life with a financee and 3 kids was so busy (and her being sick made it hard to bring the kids around her) and I didn't get to go see her as much as I would have liked. I do know that she understood that and knew how much I loved her, as I am sure that your mother still knew how much you loved her!!! Mothers tend to understand more than we realize.

I hope you find peace soon (I know I am still trying to). Hang in there and know that you are not alone. I hope that your joining this group helps you find at least express how you feel, which often helps more than you think. It has done a lot for me.

Shannon

[amy]

Hi Amy

I think I know how you feel. My mother found she had breast cancer in November 2001. I couldn't belive it quite, and acutally thought most people get better. I was so blazay about it . I went back home for 3 months to be with her over the winter time. I found her attitude really negative and doom and gloom. Although she prayed everyday, I think she was more outraged that God had done this to her.

I on the other hand was so positive. Telling her, and really believing that everything would be fine. After all many women recover from this condition, or so I thought. I left home again and returned to my job. But then she didn't actually get better and died 8 months later.

I got back the night before she died. And I had one last chance to talk to her. I was truly shocked to see her. Her skin was bright yellow since her liver had been affected, and she was unable to move her body. It was quite terrible and started crying on sight. My family were outraged that I reacted this way, and told me to talk about anything but her illness.

You know now in a way I am relieve. Because if I had been with her those 8 months, I'd have seen the whole terrible deteriation. And had to try and make her see the bright side of things the whole time.

Is that really selfish?

I hope you are doing OK about the loss of your mother. I know you have a lot to do with you children and husband and all. I hope you can find time for yourself. And to not feel any guilt about not seeing your mother in that last week. You simply can not be there all the time. And they know we love them.

Fiona

Thanks Shannon and fiona.

Your words helped me ,and also reading what others that are dealling with the same thing that i'am going through . My husband just thinks that i should just go back to normal .But i will never be normal again a part of me is gone and i just have not come to terms with that yet.

thanks again

amy