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      About Our Donation Button   08/10/2015

      While visitors are welcome to browse our forums and registered members are free to use all the features of our site, you will notice a Donate button at the top of every page, which gives everyone who comes here an opportunity to contribute toward its ongoing support. Members and visitors can donate as much (or as little) as they can afford, and as often (or as seldom) as they choose, either all at once or over an extended period of time (that is, a recurring amount automatically deducted from a credit card each month). Donations are accepted via PayPal, credit card or bank account (where available). The Donate button is located at the top of every page.  We are proud of the fact that, since it was launched in May of 2003, our Grief Healing Discussion Groups site has been advertisement-free and open to everyone, members and visitors alike, at no cost, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, offering the information, comfort and support we believe you need and deserve as you each find your way through your individual grief journeys. Unlike other self-help forums for the bereaved, our site is privately administered, closely monitored and professionally moderated to ensure the highest level of quality, safety and security for our participants. Every post is reviewed and read by our moderator: a nationally certified grief counselor who visits the site several times a day, and who feels a deep personal and professional responsibility to monitor our site in a way that encourages understanding, growth and healing. Our site has been described by the caregivers and bereaved who come here as a lifeline ~ a safe place to land when you need to be with others who “get it” and who understand. We know from your unsolicited comments and continued active participation that this is an important and valued service. Still, it costs money to sustain this service, and many hours a month to administer and moderate the site. We are deeply grateful to our regular donors and to all those who have contributed, but we think you should know that it is the same half-dozen people who continue to give. Some members have donated far more than their fair share, and they’ve done so more than once.  Grateful as we are for their loyalty and support, we hope you will agree that it’s not fair that so few of our members have been carrying the weight for so many, who clearly have derived some benefit from our service. For this reason, we are asking for your consideration. If you donated some time ago, would you consider doing so again? And if you’ve never done so, would you consider making a contribution of $20 or more? You can rest assured that your gift will be used directly to fund this service and to keep it going. With heartfelt gratitude, Marty Tousley ♥    

Learning, Growing From Grief

4 posts in this topic

Here's an interesting article on what psychologists are calling post-traumatic growth (PTG):

Learning, growing from grief

While the more dramatic PTSD has gotten far more publicity, a cadre of researchers has been studying the positive side of trauma and grief: that most people bounce back to baseline, and some emerge from disaster stronger and better, at least in some ways.

By Stacey Burling

The Philadelphia Inquirer

Read more here: http://bit.ly/qXTItz

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Dear Marty,

Thank you so very much for sharing this article! I have not been on in a very long while for a myriad of reasons and to come back on today and read your post and this article...well marvelous!

I have always felt that there should be a new diagnosis in the DSM and that should be it ~ Post Traumatic Growth! I believe that it is possible to grow from adversity and challenges that life throws at us. I was so happy to come on and read this for I feel so alone at times with my growth despite all the adversities in my life.

I absolutley love the this new forum and thank you for giving it birth!!!!

Blessing and Courage, Carol Ann

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I do see ways I have grown since Bill was sick and also since he died. I don't focus on that too much as I do my grief work and create a new life for myself but if I look, I see signs of growth and strength.

I never thought I would make it this far....going on 18 months...but here I am. I feel tears well up as I type that. I feel greater compassion for those in pain...and have reached out to many in the past months: acquaintance going through a nasty divorce, another two dealing with breast cancer, another in a divorce....there is always someone in pain not too far away from us.

If I choose not to grow from all this pain and loss and sadness... I am wasting an opportunity that can affect my life and the lives of all those I come in contact with.

I believe our lives here on this planet are about practicing lovingkindness and growing less fearful and more compassionate. That is what Bill and I were about and I plan to continue on that path...tears and all. Someone said to me that they admired how I was dealing with Bill's death in that I do not hold back my tears, I am honest (most of the time) when asked how I am doing, etc. She said I was teaching others how to handle loss. That felt good. It is a matter of being true to our authentic selves....that is my purpose.

On the other hand, the profoundly sad part of me sometimes just does not give a hang about growing or being kind or being compassionate. Luckily that part of me does not surface on a daily basis. But she is there when my pain is unbearable.


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This is an interesting article, Marty. When I think of it, the people I've met here, and the widows/widowers I know IRL, are some of the strongest people I've ever met. And yes, I include myself, too, as angst ridden as I can be at times. I feel like I've been through the fire and survived, even as survival is still day to day. It's a strange feeling. Mary, your statement "if I choose not to grow...", yes, I've thought this often. If I can't learn/take something from this, where am I?

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