carrieboo

I'm so sorry Sherry, let the anger out, it helps.

Thanks for the replies Derek adn Kay... I do incorporate "him" and close friends of his into my current life, I donate to things in his name, and have a scrapbook/pictures in my current place. I'm not sure why I feel guilty, I think part of me knows that a few others found it too early for me to move on, again I know I shouldn't be concerned with what others think, but for some reason this bothers me....and also part of it is probably from me recieving financial support as a result of his death, part of me hates that, and that this money is the cause of arguments between his family and I, sometimes I wonder if there were no money involved I wouldn't have so much guilt.

Thats a wonderful story...its great memories like these of our loved ones we should cherish and will keep us going. I remember my engagement ring story so well, to make it short my guy put alot of effort into making me a chinese dinner, when we finished it off with fortune cookies he had inserted a paper into mine saying "will you marry me"...a memory to cherish forever. If it helps, keep sharing! lots of love

It was 2 years yesterday that my fiance passed away. I was kept busy, however I tend to either get irritable or flip out at my current partner, and that is what happened today...its like my greif has turned to major irritability with everything going on in my life...I don't want to push him away but I worry thats what will happen I know I have alot to be thankful for in my life, but I just can't seem to be happy about it...I sometimes start to feel hatred towards my new life, I don't know how to stop that.

Its normal not to feel joy in anything...and 2 months hasn't been long...I'm still not enjoying everything I used to. My best friend got married a couple weeks after my partners death, and though I can barely remember the details, I got myself out and went...and wept at the same time. My friend was very supportive and happy that I was even able to attend. I am sure your family understands that you are down...don't think of it as being a downer, its normal to feel that way, and dont' hold it back. I have never found a support group, I lived in a small town, but sounds like it could be helpful...I know this group has been extremely helpful for me, and its only been a couple weeks since i found it. I'd say its worth a try, and if it doesn't help, you can always try something else...hang in there. Hugs

Hi Lyn, I am 29 and lost my soul mate 2 years ago (anniversary is pretty soon). Like you, we also had plans to get married, I even had my dress. I understand how difficult it is to realize your future that was previously planned out is now crumbled, and it was so hard to move forward. Its refreshing to hear that you have found someone new as well. I recently moved in with a new guy whome I met 1 year ago. He is a wonderful man who I want to stay with, and very understanding of my greif, but I still struggle with guilt for moving on this way, and at times feel I can't completely give myself to him because of that. All of my friends and family are happy that I'm moving forward, however I have gotten stress for this from my late fiance's family....and unfortunatley our relationship has turned sour. Have you had any trouble with this as well? I am happy you are able to move on as well, and wish you all the best in the future.

My lawyer also says they cannot come back on their deal, unless they have proof that I forced them to sign (which how could I , we were in separate towns...I didn't hold a gun to their head, and there was a clause in the agreement that I handed over a specified amount of money for them signing over the house). So if they didnt' know what they were doing, why ask for this money in return? They are downplaying my emotions in this agreement stating they were going through a rough time and I took advantage of them...I was 27 and have never gone through such an event in my life, how could I know what I was doing let alone take advantage of them?? Even if I knew what I was doing I could never take advantage of someone in my life!! In my eyes it was my house as well as his, we both picked out the plans and built it from the ground, and I lived there with him for 5 years. I had a full-time job, I paid bills, bought groceries, bought items for the house, and I even had my wedding dress. I hate confrontation and cannot believe they are doing this, even if they bring this to court and they don't win, it will just tear open these wounds again. Building scars upon scars.

I'm sorry to hear Maury, thanks for your comments, I am also waiting for the moment that I begin to enjoy life again, I hope it does come.

Thanks guys, I hope so...i'll write more when I see my lawyer tomorrow

Thanks Kathy, part of me is so exhausted from dealign with this that I just want to give them money and never have contact wtih them again. I Know its morally wrong, and I did tell her that months ago when she brought this up before...she kept reiterating that "legally" common-law meant nothing when you die and they were entitled to everything...forget the fact that I had the wedding dress, engagement ring, place picked out, people asked to stand, etc....or the fact that they said the house was mine shortly after the accident. Now, over a year later after they signed everything, this happens. I am sure my fiance wouldn't have wanted this to happen. I just don't know if I have the energy to deal with this process.

I just recently learned that my fiance's parents are now wanting to dispute their decision to sign over the estate of my late fiance to me. I can't deal with going through this all over again....if this happened less than 12 months later we would have been married and none of this would have been an issue. It seems its all about the money. Has anyone had to deal with similar issues? I dont' know if I will get through this...

Leeann your comments really hit me, they are so true. I am growing into a new self, but desperatly trying to hang on to my old self...and the thought of letting that go as well hurts.

I've been to a counsellor, and did a telephone counselling session through EAP at work, but found they weren't much help. I may try to seek another counsellor soon, I was on antidepressants but didn't want to have to depend on them...so have been off for almost 6 months. This forum is actually helping me tremendously, even though its only been a couple days. I haven't been able to share this experience with others who have been through a similar situation, and hearing everyone's thoughts and advice is a relief. thank you all for your support.

Thank you so much everyone for the replies... it really helps to know how others feel who have been through similar situations. I know going back would not be fair to my current boyfriend, and I don't want to hurt him, I guess in my emotions it does seem to be the easy way out...to return home to where things were familiar, where all my memories of my ex were made. THough I know my ex would want me to move on...its hard not to feel guilty, and how do I put that to rest? I guess I have to ride out the waves of grief, however large they are...this one recently has been a large one. Combined with all the recent change...its all scary when my life was planned out, I was about to marry my soul mate, and then life is tured upside down in an instant, and suddenly it felt like I didn't have a life anymore, nothing to look forward to, I was lost. It was hard not to compare a current relationship with my past relationship, but that part is getting a little easier. I still feel lost though, and unsettled...like in the past year if I would go somewhere on a holiday I would want to return home, but when I got home I didn't want to be their either. I also believe some of my guilt stems from issues with his mother..I understand she is going through different grief that I cannot begin to understand, however she put me through alot of added greif with regards to me moving on, and especially $$. Our relationship will not be the same...and I begin to wonder if its healthy to stay in contact with her when i'm trying to move on? Thanks again for the support, I am trying to seek counselling but moving to a new city and being in a new job, I guess i'm putting that off.

I've been searching for anyone to talk to about dealing with the loss of my fiance, but its been difficult for me to find support. Its been almost two years since my fiance drowned, we were together 6 years and he was only 33. In the past few months I have moved to a new city, got a new job, and only recently bought a house with a new boyfriend. Now it seems all this change has brought the grief back to the surface again, and i'm feeling intense guilt for moving on, I can't stop crying and couldn't even go to work today. I'm not happy and feel like selling everything and moving back home again, though I know this will not make the grief go away. I guess I need reassurance that moving on with another person is not a bad thing...has anyone else gone through this?