Chinook

I need some help understanding my grief. We lost Nikomi the Ferret at a very young age, 1 year and half. We had this ferret for a short time but he immediately found a spot in our hearts. We mainly got him for our older ferret, Chinook, which is going on 5 years. He has gray in his fur and is slowing down. We know he will not be around forever, so that is why we got Nikomi but Nikomi died first. I find myself mourning Chinook even though is well and healthy and with us now. This animal is more spoiled then my 2 dogs. I find myself feeling guilty spending time on the computer, mainly for job hunting, and occassion on ferret sites. I do not want to be away from the house long because I want to be with him even if he is sleeping, I can watch him and I know he is near. I find myelf clinging to him and sometimes when he is sleeping, I will lay hin down on the floor in a ferret proof room and pet him gently until he falls asleep. Is this normal? I have a small shrine on a table for Nikomi and it is going on 6 months and I refuse to take this down. Has anyone gone through this before? Am I normal? Thanks for listening and responding. Tim

DEAR NIKOMI Nikomi- Can you hear my prayers? Can you hear my cries at night? I miss you so much it hurts. Sometimes I wish I was dead myself to stop the pain but I know this is something we all must endure. I am still looking for the life's lessons in this experience but I am too grief strucken to see clear. No body wants to hear your name or see your picture except me. They want to forget the pain, to let go but I can not let you go Nikomi. I still have my shrine of you and I think of you often. I am crying my heart out as I write ths blog but I have to do something to release this grief. I know I should be looking for a job now or playing with Chinook. He misses you so. He will not play in the office any more but that is the only place I can put him while I clean his cage. I wish there was so some kind of heavenly sign you could manifest yourself to me. A dream, anything... I keep on thinking of that day, the day I thought you had your first check up with the vet and the next thing they were taking you away from my arms forever!!!! If I only knew, I would spent every second with you. I know Chinook's time with us is not long, he is an old ferret and slowing down and I find myself crying like Chinook has died but he is just sleeping in my arms. I do not know what I would do if Chinook left me too in my current state. I can not spend my time with Chinook all day. If I was a child perhaps I would but I have to look for a job, clean the house, carry on, and I feel so guilty not spending every second with him. I just wished you know Nikomi. I need some sort of spiritual comfort knowing you are okay. Oh Nikomi. this is one of those days when I can not stop crying whever I hear your name or you appear as a memory or a thought. I love you Nikomi. Please forgive us. I knew you are a fighter when you were put down and I suppose that is the hardest part. You did not want to die but you were sick my little one. Life's jouney would have been a painful one for you if you lived through the operation. Oh God Nikomi, I am so sorry for the deck of cards God dealt you and I am so sorry for your pain. Your liife was so short. I did not have any money to save you and even though I was told you probally would not survive the operation or live afterworths, I felt it was my duty to do everything in my power and I had none just made the most painful decision of my life, a decision that haunts my soul to this very day. I love you my adorable ferret. I will never forget you ever. I will always remember you and I hope you remember me when it is my time to go home. Love Tim

May 27, 2001 How time flies. I am thinking about you Nana Rose. Today is my mom's birthday and as I call her to wish her a Happy Birthday, I can't help but think of Nana dying in her sleep on the day of my Mom's birthday. Every year my mom struggles with her birthday, a time to celebrate her birth and a time to mourn her own mother's death. My mom is just a strong person. This post is for you Nana. We miss you and love you. Rest in Peace Rose Birdsall 2001

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for the loss of your fuzzy. I am sorry for the late reply. I got laid of from my job of 14 years and I can not find work. I still think of Nikomi all the time, this 24th will be 3 months since he went to the Rainbow Bridge. He will keep your fuzzy happy and be good company for him as they both look after us from above. God Bless Tim

Today is not a good day. No tears but just an empty feeling. It is one of those days when you feel bad all over, you gain a few pounds, you look like crap even after you have shaven and the pains and aches that comes with old age. Feeling so bad, I feel a looming gloom dark cloud on the horizon. It is in the air, the news, the talk radio, work, you do not know who to believe, certainly not the people in power. Feel like a I am a chess piece and am not the players. We are being played, govern, guided to a country that America has never known. We voted for "change" and it is coming, it is here and I feel more of my rights, our liberty, our freedoms are slowly slipping away. I should care, I should fight but I am tired, Feeling too much self pity for myself which is something I do not like. I know everyone does not want to hear about Nikomi anymore. Get over it. Shut up, you are not the only one with loss in your life. So, I do not say anything and I do not reply when someone asks, what is the matter. Your eyes, the spark, the fun, the excitement, where is it? I put on my fake smile and tell the person what they want to hear. The internet is my release of these negative feelings, my pain. For those of you that read these posts, thanks for listening. God Bless Tim

Happy Easter my beloved Nikomi. I made a Easter Basket just for you........

Happy Birthday Friend God Bless

Farmum, I am so sorry for your loss. These are the times when you have to go to your higher power to deal with your loss. I am sooo sorry. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Tim

"Let Go, Let God" by Olivia Newton-John on her Grace and Gratitude Album... It helps me .......... YOU TUBE LINK TO SONG When you can't find your direction And your heart won't guide you home Let Go Let God When your dreams are broken in the dust And you've lost the will to trust Let Go Let God Let the signs remind you We are passengers Let the signs remind you To surrender To surrender Let Go and Let God When faith's a dying fire And there's no spark to feed the flame Let Go and Let God When your courage fails you And the well of hope runs dry Let Go and Let God Let the signs remind you We are passengers Let the signs remind you To surrender To surrender Let Go and Let God Let the signs remind you We are passengers Let the signs remind you To surrender To surrender Let Go and Let God Let Go and Let God Let Go And let God.

This line says it all: People need to be sensitive to each other's losses and feeling and not try to compare in thier effort to relate. People always try to compare your loss to something of theirs. Sometimes people just need to listen which they don't. My Mom is saying there is something wrong with me because I am still mourning and crying here and there over my pet ferret, Nikomi. As one counselor told me once, we are not Toyota's coming off a assembly line, everyone is different and we all grieve in own way. Grieving has no time line.

Hello Erik I am so sorry for your loss. Jake was very fortunate to have such a good "dad". I am 41 years old have been crying also for the loss of my pet ferret Nikomi. Despite what men are taught growing up, showing emotions is a good thing in my book instead of keeping that sorrow in yourself. Pets are like our kids, they know we will take care of them, entertain them, feed them, and make that ultimate hard decision for them because they cannot. I wish I had more words of comfort but can only saw this forum is a blessing and it has helped me so I recommend using this site as a tool of support. God Bless, Tim Smith

Maylissa Thank you so much for your comments. As I read your post, you made me feel so much better about myself. I am so sorry about your loss as well. I am going to check out those resources you mentioned. Thank you so much for listening. God Bless You Tim Smith

It has been 3 weeks and 2 days since I lost my pet ferret Nikomi. Everyone thinks I am crazy and perhaps I am. I am so focus on keeping his memory alive. To show what I have done: I have created a web site: http://www.myspace.com/nikomi_the_ferret This is mainly a virtual tribute page/ prayer book for me. People tell me you do not know what real grief is, I lost my husband, mother etc and you lost a ferret, get over it. If I could get over it I would but I feel so empty. Everytime I look at his face or hear a sad song a tear trickles down my face and sometimes when I am alone in the house, I crawl in a fetus position and cry. In addition, I find myself not throwing away any of his toys or washing a t shirt he slept in. I wrote to the city of geographical maps and submitted suggestions to name landmarks, street names, etc after Nikomi. I am just going crazy. When people die, they are always remember in conversation, holidays, etc but who will remember my Nikomi? Noone just me and that bugs me. I am just feeling sorry for myself today. The pain and loss hurts so much I want it to end but I know it is my responsbity to endure this..... Excuse my spelling by the way... I am not going back and spell checking..... This just sucks. I often wonder when I die if Nikomi would be there in heaven waiting for me or if all this religious teachings is one big bad joke. I do not know... Thanks for allowing me to vent here. Tim