tara12

Hello , yes , this is a very topical thing i have discovered , The feeling of loss extends to friends and there are so mnay emotions connected to this expereince. For me it is not less yet , if anything I feel more now. I think losing my mum and dad so close has meant all i have had happening intensely for months is dying , death , funerals , lawyers , things , ashes , on and on ...... and form one moment to the next expecting somethings else to happen ,so my system is in permanant high alert . in shock .... and then the roller coaster of emotions is something else .... I do not remember having such intense feelings ever . very unexpected and totally on the edge of my limits still , I am ok and grateful even ..... its a wild journey this, thanks for your words and support , this site is helping me a lot , just to know I am not alone , just knowing everything that i feel and is happening is actually noraml responses , I am not weird or overly dramamtic , its normal to feel up and down and normal to feel exhausted and angry and sad ........ still , i hope at some point , that things feel less anxious , less painful , less intense..... I feind it hard ot sleep right now , and i AM FINDING i AM DEPRESSED and anxious too much of the time... I also am not functioning very well and am tired so much and just sort of numb and uninspired . which is hard to accept...... please write more and tell me about how this time was/// is for you ?? I get a bit worried sometimes ... and need the reflecions and sharing with others in similar places or people who have been here and understand .... some how. talk soon , I wish everyone well.... may we find our peace with things, and know we are loved

thanks for your words and support , Yes I am struggling , normal I think . I am also learning a lot through this , I will get through this with a lot of breathing and taking steps even when it feels scarey. I am finding being able to talk to people on here helpful .,otherwise I would feel even more alone and i think it could be too much . thanks heaps for your response and encouragement . I hope we all can help each other. be well

Hello , I would like to hear how people deal with these issues . how do people cope with the feelings of betrayal and also fidning out people who u thought cared dont , how do you deal with the anger and rage inside . how do we , you , me deal with injustice . how does this complicate the initaial grief and make things harder . what helps ? please sahre this with me. especially i would like to hear if you have recent losses and if you have felt alone a lot and lacking in support . if you have lost friends ? if you feel really angry .. help em and hlep us , what will help ? is it faith ? a belief ? is it time ? what ? please share ... if your buddhist , christaian , new age , whatever ? what has helped ? or have you lost faith or isit more important to you now ? do you run , do excercise ,g et massages ? or try forget and hide , do drugs ? has your drinking , drug use got more , taken up cigerettes.......... i feel a mess myself . i have lost so many people I am 46 and i feel like i am 80 or something in terms of losses. now noone is left . so I may as well be 80. i have lost people all my life . today I am numb and angry , normal i think . this is the hardest times , when i feel like this becuse i hate everyone including myself ... but i think this is normal , hard as it is.

I am so numb today , IS IT numb ....i dont know . i am just not able to focus on anything. all iwant to do is sleep . I ahev become very sensitve to sad stories anything to do with death , which is constant and funny i never noticed before how much is constant , the news is full of it . i always felt it before , but now its really hard on me, i get really upset . everything is a reminder. i never have had such strong grief. i am drowning. and it feels all wrong /. everything is wrong . i am not well i think. too many losses . i mean I know loss is normal, but i am not sure why then it feels too much .

yes , this is true , I know when I feel bigger and stronger and not so exhausted , i also understand all the many zillions of reasons people can't be there for me and why they act like they do . i also understand that its human nature and we all do our best , even the people acting cruel and mean and immoral , they only do so because of ignorance and illusion and their own pains.. hard to accept and hard to let go of anger in myself towards them , but i do know this and I also so know MY WORK is to forgive and learn to be compassionate and to forgive myself also , for I am sure THERE MUST BE TIMES , and i proababably dont even know when , but times , when i also have hurt people through my selfishness and self absorbtion and me thinking of my issues and not noticing others pains. even of we do , its maybe fleetingly , sometimes out of duty and rarely becuse we actually care or have love or wmpathy , and even of we do have those things , even then , still it is not US that feels their pain and has to live with it .... this now is our , my situation , i am in enormous overhwelm and pain and I am alone and not many seem to feel a damn for me.. or notice , it is just a fact , it is not a dramatic thing i have made up to be a victim , it is just HOW it is ...... it is a big lesson , and i mean this not in a jaded way , but in truth , I see i have to work in myself to love and care no matter what is thrown back , to have friendship and care , no matter if people give nothing , to NOT EXPECT THINGS IN RETurn , to know , that when hard times hit , i may most likely be abandoned and alone . to give up hope that it could be different or should be different and accept theis fact of human nature . having said this , i also know , help and love and care are important and at times people emerge when we least expect and from unknown sources and these people are like guides or angels almost l certainly this has happened and with out it i would be suicidal for sure .I have had just a few people , here on line for instance , or at the funeral or other places emerge who have even if it s just for one moment have said something to help me , or I have felt something genuine in terms of feelings from them , some help is offered , even just a small amount goes a long way ..... is enough to give me some hope of not being totally totaly alone like I feel mostly. i also know and think , this is a huge turning point in my sprirtual path , as i now see it is exactly these hardest of things i must make peace with and learn to become bigger than and not less than , not to become a victim and not to become hopeless in a bitter revenge and hate filled way and not to let this pain eat me up . my parents would not wish this .. i do not wish it . in the end Ihope i can be a better freind ot people , that I can be someone who cares and notices others pains , that somehwo i can gve the gift of support and understanding to others , through this experience.......... still , it is a hard thing and not easy and i am not healed or reslised in this area yet ., i have good momnets and big moment s where i can be understanding and compassionate , but it would be nice not to have to be this way , i long for the imagined support i think i deserve and the hugs and the love . it seems so absent in my life and in truth always has been , jsut now more exageratted ., how come ? who knows/ and maybe it is a fault in me > i do not know. i just have tried to do my best ... that is as kathy says is all we can do ....... be well

YES YES YES , I SO AGREE WITH ALL SAID HERE , it is amazing but i HAVE logged on to 2 grief sites and also check a chat room , the whole reason most of us do this is i suspect because of this issue of lackof support empathy and vast loss of the feeling of freidnships that are real and care and the emotional rollercoaster this sets off .. the deaths is oen thing and I suspect i AM NOT ALONE in thinking when my mum died that surely if there was any time in my life my freinds would care and offer help and support or even a hug or a kind word , it would be then .... THE SHOCK WAS SO DEEP WHEN I CAME BACK FORM HER FUNERAL noone NOT A SOUL called or came near me for 2 weeks at least and when they did noone even asked how I was . infact if anything they said statements , like oh well she was old ? or you will feel releif now ? stupid stupid things that made me angry .... AND THEN there was worse and I am sure YOU ALL KNOW thsoe things the really really in sinsitive things people say .... and you know NOT A SOULD HUGGED ME , or asked HOW i WAS , or even sID i AM SORRY FOR YOU LOSS ... I became so angry . I THOUGHT TO HELL WITH THEM ALL. I know not a very kind response , but hell , why is it WE are the ones who are meant TO BE UNDERSTANDING ? GOOD GRIEF ...LOLL.... i EVEN HAD A FRIEND WHO DID FINALLY AFTER 1 MONTH CALL and she said to me , oh you know , if you need to talk call me , I can always say no if i DONT WANT TO TALK ... I MEAN is that an invitation . i dont think so......... I said , u know the last thing I am gonna do is beg or ask for time with an offer like that and i reckon if your too dum to notice and offer support off your own imiaitive and are waiting for me to ask . well. forget it . I wouyld rather be alone. then my dad died . same thing , at least this time I knew IT WOULD be so . he died within a few months of my mum , this is all fresh for me , he only died 4 weeks ago and my mum 4mths ago ........ so its all still fresh . but noone comes over or calls , nooone offers to help. not a soul and you know how uch I have given and helped people .... BUT THEY STILL WANT THAT , ican hardly beleive it , but people still call and ask me to do things for them ??? go figure ........... i feel betrayed and hurt , but I am doing better sometimes , i get it ,its ignorance and all kinds reason they are this way ..... and it seems ot be the dominant thing i see on these sites , the biggest ISSUE , is we all deal with this huge loss , not just of loved ones , BUT ALSO of freinds and people we thought were our community ect /. this is extra grief . FOR ME , i have very few left now .. its ok . its a big lesson , i am still angry , but I and you , we will get better and hopefully maybe we can help others and maybe somehow change this , in our world , so others do not have to suffer so alone.......... i hope this can be . take care and know at least here , we all know what this is like.

Hello all AND THANKYOU so much for your kind and thoughtful replies. I am feeling so up and down and I think on the edge of depression.. I know a fair bit about grief and thank god I do , or i do think this would have destroyed me. seriously...... I also have fairly strong spiritual inner supports and ways of coping , even depsite this , I am struggling with the immensity and hugeness of the whole experince , the death , the actual deaths is one thing and huge enough , the phyicalitiy of it and the images and memories connected to the shock and profound finality is enough , but then there is a huge amount of other STUFF , the realtionship , from beinnning to end , their lives , their history , my realtionship with them , the suffering over years , the loss of so much ........ the actual house , the will , the vultures , the messes , all of it ....... and then the lonliness this brings up , hacing to do it alone , and how that triggers the sense of powerlessness that is there around how I tried to help , tried to love well and how it has made not much difference in how it is now..... although I do know and believe I did my best , and acted the best any one could , it seems still in my darker mooments , not enough and never would have been and some of that is recognising the pain they carried ... ahhh. hard hard hard ... and lonley and nooone else can do this but me. thats the truth .. and it makes the realisation of the lonliness stronger . but here i caN AT LEAST SHARE AND NOT FEEL so alone . at least I know others have the same or similare srtuggles , not that I would wish this on anyone ... and i ALSO know people have it worse ect ..... thats not the point , the point is its hard stuff and heartbreaking and no way around it ..... yes , I will go on this trip , somehwat half hearted , and thats sad as well , as it should could be the best thing and biggest thing and I should be " should """"" be feeling happy and excited and so on. this would have been the highlight to date of my work and life ... and so it feels robbed from me a bit as now it will always be assocaited with this enormous loss and hurt . also the work is behind , so much I have not done and have to do ... but then this IS LIFE. this is how it unfolds...... the thing of losing a address book of freinds in one go , well , i feel i lost a whole books worth after mum died ...... now I have another books worth since dad died , so thats not much left , but you know , i know at least the ones left are real freinds who do care and have depth. thats ok .. hard to let go though to accept without some anger though ... but then thats how it is . I have som much to share and say , i wish I could in person. its hard to have this inside alone , but also maybe good in a way as in the end this is how it will be for us , for us all... one day we also will have to say goodbye to all we loved aqnd goodbye to this earth and to all our things and to everything ..... the reality fo death is a wake up , one I have had many many times in this life , MORE i think than most actually , but the truth of it is so stark to me right now its so very very real , its not all bad , as its a huge learning growing for whats important ... I am not sure yet what is to unfold , esp as I am goiong away .... who knows how this will be ... and thanks for the thoughts about making time to do the GRIEF WORK , its important and I will and am.....as painful asit is and as much as I want it to go away as the thoughts are just almost tooo painful right now , LITERALLY..... AHHHHHH, HOW TODO THIS GENTLY . IT WILL take a lot of time i think , it is not a fast thing and nor should it be ...... I will never be the same i know this , this has changed me ... ok thats it for now . I am raving , rambling , iam tired , my mind a bit numb.... blank , confused . all the normal things ..... the tiredness is the biggest one . pleaseplease please write me and keep me in touch please I need this and I thankyou for this. I also hope OTHERS can find comfort and that I cna help as well ..so we all can heal a bit together . be well . love of the universe

Hello , thanks for replying it helps me so much. I have a huge day ahead of me tommorrow , i have to fly early at 4am to sydney for an interveiw at the US CONSULATE for my visa for the year . Maybe your right and maybe as scared and overhelmed as I feel right now , maybe ti will be a blessing in disguise. One thing is it will change everything and I will be away from reminders of things and I will have to jump in to getting on with my work and studies and be professsional and meet new people and so on. maybe it will pull me , force , me out of falling in a heap and into depression . I gave up cigerettes after mum died and now since this mess wiht the will has happened i have taken them back up and I see how down I have gotten. i would stay in bed for ever if i could right now. thats ok . who wouldnt feel like this... yes , i see it is a commone theme of people feeling betrayed and a loss of freinds through their insensitivity and seemingl;y selfish behaviours , it is kinda of astounding really that people are this way ? it is wierd really , how come ? surely death is not such a stranger , to act so cold to those of us who hurt so much . i mean truly i do not even talk about it really , and i am no drama queen , but u would think someone would be a bit kind ? wild , and yet these same people seem to want me to still be there for them and listen to their petty dramas ( or what seems in comparision ) its strange indeed. I feel a bit better reading your posts , i need to feel this , i honestly felt so bad a few nights ago , i was seriously thinking about wether it was worth being alive anymore , just felt so heartbroken. but i must be strong and know that it will get better and also notice the good things and be grateful , u know , like the few good friends I do have , to know they are real friends now is amazing , they are the ones to focus on and know i can trust . and that mum and dad in sprit are free from anymore suffering like those of us left behind.... and that the things and everything else is finished anyway , they are gone . i just think losing both so close together is just so hard and cold and empty and hard and its normal isnt it ? that I FEEL SO ALL OVER THE PLACE AND that its normal I feel thse things I feel , the anger and everything ... its hard . I know YOU UNDERSTAND , thank god someone does , thank god someone is talking to me , the lonliness and aloness and feeling this is the hardest and coming here I know I am not alone. so thankyou so much , I hope you feel better as well. I am so sorry for us all and for our loved ones to be gone . ahhh, ok talk soon i hope. thanks again

YES i UNDERTAND this as well , i was wiht my mum when she took her last breath , it blew my mind , i dont think i will ver get over it , it was so deep and pround and life changing and the images stayed and stay with me , it was 4 mths ago now and words can never touch what it was like , is like and how its changed me . i changed immediately . then now my dad died , 17 march , its harder and different , he died unexpectaed and sudden , went and lay down and died , the neighboiurs foudn him. i am heartbroken and it feels so different to my mums passing , i feel so angry and lost and oconfused and gulity and os much stuff. very very different ot my mums death... and people seems o cold and insensitve and say such dum things . its hard . i feel isolated and distant to people , i feel not many care and i feel in a dfferent place to people , most people , i am having a lot of emotional stuff ... but yes my mum and the leaving the body , its so true , it was amzing and i KNOW she was there and in sprit immeditely after and i felt her leave . it was so profound. though the images were abot hard to have after , it was a big shock also somehow to the pysch .. u know , the images of the body one moent a breath in and then.......... gone . wow. thats a trip.... please write more about this we can help each other ,

Hello , i AM new here and hope someone read this and replies . I am having such a hard time. I have just lost my mum and my dad within 4 mths of each other . My mum died with me at her side , it was so deep and moving and so devastating. She had suffered for many years after being hit by a truck as a pedestrian... and it was deep suffering for us all.. then after her funeral , my dad was not the same , i know this is common. anyway , he seemed better , then just one day went and laid down and died . I foudn out as the neighbours found him. it was so hard , is so hard . I am alone and no one to help me. nooone. no family , noone . I find it so lonley , i had to do everything alone organise it all. now there is a big mess with his will , that breaks me , his wishes are not being honoured and i am lost about it and fear what lies ahead. mostly knowing its not in my control and that it is another level of loss and pain to think people he didnt trust have manipualted there way into his life and now stand to benifit . he changed his will , but the one he wanted is missing ? hmm. and so its a mess. I feel so lost. and its so final and yes , not many seem to care or understand and people say such insensitve things , like they were old or that its normal ( like as if i dont know that already ) doesnt help you does it . and its not the death , it s the loss of the whole life , the realtionship our lives together , our home ,their work. all of it . i wonder if i cna get through this pain and heartbreak . I feel cut off from people , i feel i have lost most of my freinds ( so called ) who just seem ot think their own lives are more important and still expect me to be the same and act as if its over and done , but never seem to even ask how I actually feel or if i need anything , i am shocked by the lack of care and selfishness and immorality and greed and so on. but I know thisis cause through their ignorance and their own pains . i try be compassionate , but I am exhausted and feel broken and in a dream floating . i am meant to be packing now and moving OS for 12 mths of study as I won a big award for my work . I feel so not interested and unable to focus and its scary to me , to let go of even more , of the loss .. leaving my dear dog for 12mths and leaving my only home , leaving security . it also makes me so sad , that they could not see me get this award . they died and missed this . i feel bad , for things not done , i feel that maybe my dad died as i had told him I was going and he felt too heartbroken , i feel I was selfish , i tried my best , but ti was never enough i think. i jsut feel awful.... i know this is greif . but tis a lot to bare . alone. i try to get on and get over it but its alot . can anyone relate , can anyone give me some insprations. can u share with me some hope and also let me know I am not alone with this. I feel some days so angry , some days so sad . its a awful empty place, i miss them. and i also know noone else except me will rememeber them and now all their things , our things , our life will be touched and gone through by strangers and sold and so on . so it all is for what ? all their lives is gone . for what . ahhhhhhhhh help me please , talk to me , i am sorry for everyones pain and loss. please write