Nick

Hi, I use to love weekends now I hate them. Hearing the garage door open early knowing my husband was coming home from work was the best! We would usually go for a walk or take the kids to the park then have an easy dinner, very relaxing. Sunday's were always family days zoo, parks, outside, church out to eat. I don't know what to do with myself and my children all weekend long. I find it very lonely and hate having to be alone taking them out. I feel like everyone assumes I'm divorced which drives me crazy! Seeing all the happy families with kids with their dads just breaks my heart. Why do my children have to grow up without their daddy??? I just don't know how to approach this with me being in a better place. I want my two young boys to have fun and look forward to things like other children do on the weekends. It's so hard for me to manage a 3 and 5 year old all alone that is another problem I'm facing I feel trapped in my home. Either not wanting to go out to face my cruel reality or not up for the challenge with two little ones. Sorry I guess I'm just anticipating a horrible weekend when all I hear about is all the plans people have and how they are so looking forward to a long holiday weekend. For me it's just the opposite during the week I'm so busy, but during the weekends that is when things really start weighing on my heart. Thanks for listening I know all of you out there can relate to what I'm saying. Take care!

I too feel this way often! Also, get mad and ask a ton of questions why, why him, why me....ect. What I keep coming to is it doesn't change the outcome some how some way we need to work through this horrible tragedy. My son's and my husband are my reason for going on they need me. I am so blessed to see my husband everyday through his sons. I know it sucks, it's not fair not even your worst enemy should endure this much pain! Just be patient let yourself feel what your feeling and have kind thoughts. Be easy on yourself we all feel this way. It's hard finding your way and trying to create a new norm especially when you didn't want to in the first place! Take care!

Hi Jennifer, It's my first birthday today too without my husband so I can relate to what you are saying. Having my two sons helped me tremendously today I know their daddy would be so proud of them. They are only 3 and 5, but seeing them happy brings a smile to my face! I had my moments on and off all day, but also felt very blessed to be surrounded by family and friends how love me so much! I know that is what my husband would want so I embraced it. I never would had thought that last year would have been my last birthday with him so sad and hard to even imagine still. When my sons hugged me and said Happy Birthday mom I felt he was behind them the whole time. I too want to be with my husband, but am so grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life. It sounds like you have family support with your brother and son. I'm sure with time you will lean on them more. I hope you were able to find some comfort and peace in your day today.

Hi Cheryl, It's great to hear such strength in your words! You should be very proud of yourself as I know your husband is with each day you take. Great words to live by and to inspire to one day. One day at a time keep the hope and faith for brighter days ahead. I will be having my husband's one year anniversary on September 1. I'm wishing you lots of love on this day coming up. You have the right attitude and with that comes change for the better!

On September 1 it will be one year since my husband passed away! Just writing those words is so hard saying them is like not true can't be it's still a bad dream. I thought I was doing okay until recently dealing with this date and my birthday has really been affecting me. I keep going over the day blaming myself did I miss something, did he have symptoms and blow them off basically still trying to make sense of how this could happen to my healthy 44 year old husband. The guilt yes the guilt I didn't even see him the day off went to the gym like usual so left the house super early I was still sleeping. I was not there when it happened I feel horrible about that I never got to say goodbye. I know I did the best I could and was a good wife I just don't feel like it was enough. He deserved more not this I'm just so very mad I need and want to blame someone. I hate carrying around all these horrible thoughts and feelings. I just want it all to go away I know I can't run from it, but it's so hard to face. Not sure if I will every be able to fully accept that he is gone! Thanks for listening, Leesa

Thanks for all the kind words! I just get so very discouraged on life and it's so easy to loose hope. It's still so hard for me to rationalize what has happened. Cheryl your words were perfect thank you so much! Nobody truly knows what I'm dealing with everyday so this site has helped me feel not so alone in my grief. I'm so sorry that we all have to share in such sadness. Thanks!

Hi, Today I'm feeling pretty down on life since my husband died everything seems to be going wrong. I can't sell our home, we have a son with special needs which is always challenging especially as a single parent, insurance problems and the list just seems to go on and on. When will things turn around what did I do so horrible in a previous life to deserve all of this crap? I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of his death he was only 44 I'm 37 plus my birthday is in a week first without him so sad. I look around and it appears that everyone is happy except me why did this happen to me and my young boys ages 3 and 5??? I miss him so much he deserved to watch his sons grow up and them to have a daddy! I tell you life really sucks I hate being so negative I was never a negative person. What should I do feeling very let down with everything loosing my faith. Thanks for listening sorry for being so negative..... Leesa

Hi Melina, I can relate what your feeling is normal and I too don't want to become bitter we wont! It is so very unfair why us I ask this all the time never any answers. I'm grateful to have been loved by an amazing man and to be blessed with two sons. You will be happy again that is what your husband would want he would not want to see you in pain. We just need to find our way in this new life as hard as it is. Be kind to yourself and patient these are words I live by each and everyday. Take care, Leesa

Hi, Even though I don't post much at all I'm on every night. It will be 11 months tomorrow since my husband died suddenly at age 44. I still can't believe it and often feel it's a horrible dream. I have relocated to another state to be near family, but am really missing the old home not sure if I made the right decision! I have no feelings toward our new home could care less. I guess it's just so sad how it all came about not the way it was suppose to be when we moved. Part of me wants to go backwards instead of forwards has anyone else experienced this before? I just don't want to let go, but what am I holding on to?? All our dreams are gone just so lost hate making all this big decisions all by myself. This house holds no memories of him I still picture him walking through the door of our old home. It was hard being in that home, but also comforting at the same time. Moving forced me to deal with being alone can't pretend anymore. Thanks for listening I guess I just miss the life I had and hope for brighter days ahead!

Hi Cheryl, I can understand everything you said people tell me the same thing. I guess were good at surviving and hiding our true feelings. I too miss being a wife just so strange! My husband passed away suddenly 9 months ago in early September. Keeping busy helps but the silence at night is hard to hide from. Grief is a constant companion...... Take care, Leesa

Hi Rob, I lost my husband 9months ago he was only 44 and in great health. Never saw it coming so hard to still believe. It's just not right he like your wife were way to young this is not something that is suppose to happen. I never worried about this it's just so shocking! Their lives were cut way too short my husband's life even though too short was very full! I try to remember all the things he and our family did and accomplish. I know who hard it is to comprehend I keep looking for answers but never find any. Be kind to yourself and think about how your wife would want you to continue your life without her. Take care, Leesa

Hi Nats, I just moved and I think that has made things harder for me. It forced me to put all his clothes in the garage. Many nights I would lay in his closet and smell his shirts over and over again. I still have many of his thiings around the new home. I also carry his wallet with me in my purse everday. To me these things are not strange but comforting it's going to take a long time. Go at your pace there is no rush to get rid of things or change things if you don't feel the time is right. Leesa

Hi Deb, I'm so sorry to hear about your fiancee. I wish I could have been with my husband Charles the day he passed away. I didn't even get to see him that day. He just left to go work out then off to work I never got to say goodbye or to comfort him in his time of need! For me the regrets are hard I need to remember to be kind to myself. He knew I loved him and he loved me that is what I need to keep telling myself. Like you we had a ton of plans and things were going to get better. If this is God's plan then I want a new one! I see you live in AZ where about? Take care, Leesa

What does anyone do to help with the lonely time of night? Keeping busy is good but the silence is horrible. I want so badly to see him for him to come to me at night but he has not come. I never want to forget how can I find happiness when he doesn't get that chance to be happy again. I know he died but in a lot of ways so did I so sad, but true! Leesa

Delinda, So sorry for your loss I ask myself every day how did this happen? He worked out was healthy makes no sense! I think I'm still in shock so mad and I find it very hard to see other couples and families together really difficult to be out alone without my husband. I find Sundays are the worst family day. I hate eating at the dinner table without him too many voids to list. I love to cook but have not cooked in 9months since he died. Have not watched any television can't even turn it on to watch the shows we use to love to watch together. Basically feel out of touch with the world. Leesa

BW, So sorry for you and your boys loss as well that must have been hard to see her suffer!

Thank you I feel very overhwhelmed with life lately! I guess most days I'm pretty mad why me but I know that is not what he would want. The sad part is my boys were so young will they remember him? I talk abou him often but they never bring him up it breaks my heart! I never want them or myself to forget him how could you so hard. It just really sucks! Thanks, Leesa

Hi, I'm new to this group first time posting anything regarding the death of my husband. It has been almost 9 months since he suddenly passed away with no warning. He went to work and just didn't come home I never got to say goodbye or have any closure. I still can't believe he is gone. He was only 44 years old I'm 37 we have two young boys. This is not how our life was suppose to turn out. I feel it's very complicated so many mixed emtions depending on the day. Feelings of regret, loneliness, sadness, sorry will it ever get better? He deserved more, he deserved to watch his children grow up why? I can remove myself from the equation but I'm so saddened for his lose. I know I must move on that is what he would want but it's so difficult. I hate raising the boys alone I hate going out and feeling everyone assumes I'm divorced! People don't know what to say they can say the stupidist things like it's like a divorce really??? I hope to find some comfort and strength on this site. Thanks, Leesa