Marion Claire

Yes at times I see people argue or be downright mean to each other and I try to tell them life is too short to waste time like that. Not that we never argued. I know we did especially when we were younger we didn't always agree. Life alone is worse than anything that they might be argueing about... Actually living alone to me is like I am not really living..........

Sorry for your lost. I totally understand it all. My mom died 3 years ago at 91 going to join my dad who had been gone for over 30 years. Very sad day but a good day in knowing they were together again like she had wanted for a long time. Also not going to the service that happened to me on the anniversary of my son's service---had one I really, really should have gone too but the date stopped me. They understood why tho. Now this year shortly after losing Ray a good friend passed away---would have been in the same church and everything and I knew I could not go. Would not have made it thru the service at all. Didn't go actually into our church for several weeks after either of my 2 two guys deaths cause it hurt too much. Now I just sit way back where I can't see the front so easy... Marion

Re-read===Please excuse my horrid spelling.............

Weds would have been my husbands birthday so all the family went to the cemetery and we realeased one balloon for each year. I have everyone tell me their greatest memory of their father, grandfather etc or something funny they remembered. Was grat to hear what they all said. Some brought tears and some brought laughter. A gon-in-law, and a grand-son-in-law each read a special poem when the balloons all vanished. Then I took all that wanted to go out for supper. Turned a dreaded day into a nice evening together. Had 15 adults, and 3 tiny babies all there. After some came over here for cake cause one grand daughter insisted her grandpa still had to have a birthday cake................. A day I dreaded actually turned out to be a very rewarding day................Mariono

Being older and retired we liked to travel when we could. Not often or exotic places but away from home for a few days. I finally have managed to go to church alone. Have little desire to go anywhere out of my house. Go out to my hospise group meetings and that's it, unless I run out of something I can't survive without and have to run to the store. Or have one of my girls pick it up for me. After being together 24/7 after he retired I really can't understand how this being alone works!!

Always hear that there are others worse off and guess you stated a very true one here. What a sad story and with a child too young to understand any of what is happening in her life. My heart goes out to that woman and here child.

You mention the sad eyes. I have that haunting me. He would pull me close and just lay his head on me and his eyes were so sad, it broke to heart. He never said anything at those times, just help me tight. I know it was as close as he could get to saying goodbye. Yes and now I wonder and try to remember if I told him enough times while he was still coherant and awake just how very much he meant to me. Did I really do all that I should have or should I have done anything different. I know the cancer would have won reguardless but think we can't help but wonder..

The dreams have continues for 6 nights now. Differant each time. Only once saw him walk and speak but for the past 6 nights he has been in bed in the middle of the night. Letting me know I am never alone I feel. Hated going to bed, but now I like to go to bed hoping I will again wake up feeling him with me...........Might be my imagination but I don't think so cause it wakes me up each night. After he leaves I sleep so good.. If I am nuts, so be it. I like it.......................Most comfort I have had in 4 months...........

I truly think many of us would be in even worse shape if she had not found this group. Welcome Tony. Glad you found this great group.. I just started back with my crocheting that I did so much of before my husband got sick. Had not touched it since, and someone suggested I try to start up again. This week I made one afghan a daughter wanted and already started a table topper for her. They probably will keep requesting figuring that will keep my mind occupied part of the time......... Till now all I have done is go to hospice groups twice a month and church on Sunday and the rest of the time just sit and so nothing. Am lerning to try and stay busy now. That is one of the keys I believe. Does not alleviate the grief and sadness or the crying but keeps me busy some of the time at least...............

Sounds like you have a very hard hearted sister-in-law. Has she ever lost anyone close to here. Some people do not know how devistating it is to lose your soulmate. I know life as it was will never be again, and I hae to learn to go on alone, but he is with me still, in my heart and soul and allmy kids feel the same way. We feel him near at times and know when the day is right we will be together again. Grief takes different time for different people. They handle it different but it never is gone. One ex-son-in-law told my daughter the same thing, "He's gone so forget about it! Get over it." He broke her heart with such a statement. We don't forget!

Worded all wrong==============meant let your feelings out and share together.............

We all lost a big part of our world that day. I know how you and your sister's grieve for your dad, and the younger generation for their grandfather. You are a true blessing to me and please let go of your feelings when at your mom's house. You all are in the same boat.

I started taking Chantix to stop smoking. One daughter called and asked if it gave me nightmares. No nightmares, but last three nights of feeling Ray here beside me. 3 nights ago I woke up cause he was twitching in pain beside me. I pet the covers and said "It's okay" and it settled down. I was now awake so turned on the light and checked to see where the cat was and he was asleep on a chair. Next night I got woke up because I heard him snoring! And last night I woke up when I felt him get out of bed, and he said he needed to get some water. He was walking!!!! If this is from the Chantix I hope it keeps up. Real sad when you realize it was a dream but for a second it's like I have him here with me. Like he's telling me I am never alone even in the middle of the night...

Sorry Ron--I should have said many men.........................

It is faith in God that keeps me and all my family going at this horrid time in life. Without God's help I could not survive and neither could the rest of my family. Neither losing my husband or my son made me angry. When my son committed suicide the pastor said it is okay to be mad at God at times. One daughter was very much but she got over it. I was never angry because I knew God had a plan that I just did not understand at all. Not one I liked but it was God's choice, not mine.

Sounds like you had a wonderful grandmother. I know how precious grandchildren our as I have 14. I love them all so much and am so very sorry you lost your grandmother and have no family support but your husband. It is great that he is supportive, but sometimes men aren't as into understanding grief. And yes this is what type of stuff is to posted on here. Any thing you want or need to share, vent,cry, or just talk about.

3 years ago I lost my mother. She was 90, but still my mom, then 4 months later we lost our only son who was 48. Didn't think I could survive that but I had. Not gone but easier now. This last May I lost my husband of nearly 56 years. He was with me for the other loses, but not now. Have a great family but 3 loses in just over 3 years is real hard...

I am so happy the surgery is over and they got all the cancer. I am also a cancer survivor and know the pain and fright. Glad you are home again and hope the grief doesn't cause to feel more pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this double rough time.

This was a wonderful and so true a post. That is what I love about this group we can share any joy or any misery we are feeling Thanks for sharing

Last night was so strange. After being here alone for 4 months now last night I was woke up cause it felt just like when Ray was here before he had to go to the hospital. The bed felt like when he would toss and turn and I heard his voice. I Pet the covers and said it's all ok. It stopped and I got up and turned on the light and that side of the bed was all still made. Checked where the cat was in case he had been on the bed, but he was sound alseep in a chair........ Figured out that even in the middle of the night he let me know he was with.. Actually it felt so good I fell asleep agin.

What a wonderful story Bill. Yes together you found something that meant a lot to both of you. I am so happy for you!!

People have several different views on wearing or not wearing your wedding rings when your spouse passes away. My aunt told my mom she was wrong to keep wearing her's but she still did. My husband did not want to be buried with his ring on. So I had it sized to fit my ring finger and had it welded to my rings. It feels so great to wear it. Course at my age we have been together many more years than we weren't. A lifetime together... I know this wouldn't be what many would want to do, but it works so good for me...

I had to find the song on the internet and listen to it. I was glad I did. One of my daughters had them play the Johnny Cash song on cd "Will You Meet Me In Heaven". It was sad to listen too but so right for my family. I have songs from my son's funeral on tape too that his son made. Yes I cry but still I feel good when I listen even tho they make me cry. Maybe I am weird but certain songs have such meaning when I really listen to the words.

It felt good to read this. Glad your day was ok. Wishing you more and more ok days to come. My day was ok too. Bad parts yes, but more good parts to the day. Throughout the day and evening had 2 daughters, 1 son-in-law, 3 grand daughters, 2 grandson-in-laws and 3 great grandchild come over. 3 babies all under 9 months has to make the rest of us smile.

I was caregiver for my husband and the last few months were exceptionly hard. Never knew when he would wake and try to get up or whatever. I did have one grand daughter who is a nurse that showed up everyday for a while and that helped me so much. She also had a 4 month baby to watch but that did help my husband seeing the baby. I don't think I ever had such a sad time in my life as watching life slowly leaving him. But I did not want anyone else taking care of him.