abergsma

Hopefully your dream will come true very soon.

Good for you, keep the faith!

Allana

It is Thanksgiving here in Canada. Another holiday without my Cecil. I think it is harder this year than last. I guess I was still in shock last year.

It is a beautiful sunny day. Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!

Allana

Happy belated Birthday Kay.

Allana

Thanks so much for all your advice, it really helped.

Allana

I haven't been on this site for quite awhile. I really missed the conversations.

It's been 13 mths since my Cecil passed away. I am still not back at work but have a goal of Dec 1 to change that. It is scary thinking about it but must do it and try to get on with my life. I am still going to therapy weekly and that is helping.

Just sold my house and moving to an apartment at the end of the month. Have very mixed feelings but for financial reasons have no choice. My sister passed away in June which hasn't helped. I feel overwhelmed again....and am hybernating again. Need to pack but no motivation.

I need to take back my life...any suggestions??

Thanks so much

Allana

Cheers to you Carol Ann!

I am so glad to hear your spirits have lifted. You give me hope.

Hugs

Allana

"solve the problem that is hurting the most.. the physical hugs and cuddles and kisses that I am missing so much.

I realize the pain of losing a partner never goes away, but in time it should ease. I do have many days where I'm happy and can smile at the world, then something hits like a ton of bricks and once again the work begins to crawl out of the hole.

Maybe I have to be more patient with myself and accept that this process of grieving is a lifetime thing."I feel totally the same way Lainey!

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs

Allana

Hi Melina

I agree with all you said. I have one Daughter close to where I live but the rest are all over the world. It is very lonely and even my best friend has backed off, she didn't even wish me happy birthday last month.

It was 5 months for me on Valentines and I have been living in a Grief Tsunnamis (as my facilitor in my widows and widowers group call it), for about 3 weeks now.

I look at couples and hope they are good to each other while still feeling very jealous.

It is a path that remains up and down like a roller coaster.

Take care and know that you have many friends

Hugs

Allana

Carol Ann

All I can say is WOW!

Thank you for sharing with all of us. You are remarkable.

Hugs

Allana

Dimci

I have the same problem with my sleep. It is almost 4 months and I am finally able to go to sleep before 1am. I still wake up during the night but can go back to sleep instead of getting up. Hang in there and do what you have to do.

I know when I go back to work, which will be soon I will have to somehow get myself into a better routine.

Hang in there.

Allana

Carol Ann

YOU ARE THE INSPIRATION!

Usually losts to do during the week but the weekends are so long and lonely.

No one seems to bother anymore it is almost 4 months since I lost my husband. Why do they leave us alone (our family and friends?

I just heard "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion and cried once again..

It is so lonely!

Thanks for sharing Bill. I lost my husband in Sept and it was very unexpected. To hear all of you voice your feelings is so helpful in my journey.

Day by day , hour by hour, minute by minute it does change.

Hope your New Year's Eve went okay.

Thanks again

Allana

Mary Lou,

I still get the gut wrenching pain as the realization sinks in once again that he is gone and that part of my life is over forever. At least the memories cannot be taken from us.

Lainey

So well said Lainey. I think that part will be with us always.

Best wishes to all for this New Year!

Hugs Allana

Thanks for sharing Carol Ann, it is wonderful!

Allana

I can't have my life back like it was, not even close, and instead have to figure things out with just me. I'm not part of a couple, I'm alone, and that is how it is.

Wow that is quite the statement and oh so true but I haven't got to the accepting it yet.

One step at a time.

Each new first it is mind boggling...so many and yet I wasn't aware of all the memories until I actually lost my husband 3 1/2 mths ago.

Allana

My brother called tonight, and that was nice of him, but when he asked how I was and I said "not good", he said "What's the matter?" God, he was here to help me the day Glenn died, but two months later, on New Year's Eve, he asks what the matter is? When I said, "Well, it's New Year's Eve and I'm doing lousy", he said "Well, why don't you call me tomorrow?", and that was the end of that conversation. It's responses like that that make me want to lie to everybody so as not to feel the tension and awkwardness from other people.

I have been getting the same response from my best friend ever since the funeral was over (Sept 17/10). I don't feel as close to her as I used to and dread talking to her.

I totally get what you are saying.

Allana

Thanks Carol Ann

Wow you have been there too. When you think you are all alone someone has been there too!

To add to my grieving and pain, I had to put my 16 year old cat (Sweetpea) down yesterday.

She meant so much to me and with the loss of my husband was always there.

She had become very sick and after the vet examined her and did xrays we found out she had Ca of the colon and had fluid in her abdomen and in her lungs.

I wonder if I was just so wrapped up in my grief that I didn't notice her going downhill...it just seemed to come to light over the last week.

I know she is not in pain now but feel very bad for the suffering she went through.

They say you are only given as much as you can handle but why now? It has only been 3 1/2 months since Cecil passed.

I feel defeated today!

"I have so much to be grateful for and yet I weep. It is hard, so hard this time of year, it magnifies it all"

I hear your pain Carol Ann..Remember one day at a time!

Hugs Allana

My Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the love that is shared on this site ~ It is the most precious gift of all

Thanks Marty for all you support you keep us going and belated Merry Christmas..

I guess like everything it is different for all of us.

I love my tree, my candles and decorations..there may not be as many as ususal and a smaller tree but I never want to take them down and still feel the same this year...they have always given me comfort.

I cried at times yesterday and again today. My girls and their families surrounded me but I still had those moments. I missed him being at my side watching the kids open their presents and sharing this special time.

Today I saw my ex mother in law (we remain very close), she is 88 and in a lot of pain..she said she just wanted to go and see my father in law in heaven. He passed away when she was the same age as I am now and now I totally understand where she is coming from..and I cried... it is funny how we understand these things as life goes on...

I will be leaving my tree and decorations up for awhile yet they still give me the comfort I so need.

My hugs go out to all of you.

Allana

Oh Carol Ann, I am so sorry to hear about your pain but happy that you have time off work. Hopefully you can have some comfort until your appointment.

Take care.

Hugs

Allana

It definitely is not SICK..

I did take my husband off and I had several people upset, so I reopened it. It seems to be very comforting to not only me but his close family and friends.

Allana