abergsma

Absolutely...

we are all in the same boat and we need each other's support.

Allana

I have said that so many times myself - I feel cheated.

Tomorrow will be 3 months since Jeff died. We had only been married for 9 months. For Christmas a couple of years ago Jeff bought me this big wooden plaque - it says "Grow old with me.....the best is yet to be." I never imagined that a year and a half after I hung it over my bed that he would be gone and I would go to bed every night with it as a cruel reminder that he will NOT grow old with me, yet I can't bring myself to take it down.

Everytime I start thinking about being cheated I think of a conversation that Jeff and I had on several occasions.....it was about how certain people come into our lives for different reasons. Some are here for a long time, some for such a short time. But every person that comes into our lives teaches us something, whether we realize it or not. They help to shape us into who we are. Jeff helped to make me who I am. I always told him that if something ever happened to him, I would be a better person for having known him....and I believe I am. He had such a profound impact on my life.....one that continues even after his death.

I look back on the last 3 months and wonder how on earth did I ever make it 90 days without him.....

I wish you comfort abergsma.

Tammy

Tammy, you are so right one day at a time....Thanks for your comforting words.

Allana

My daughter is here with my 2 grandsons. She is cooking supper and the boys are cleaning up the nuts that have fallen from our huge oak tree.

I start crying..it seems so unbelievable that Cecil isn't here with us..it is so not normal.

My daughter tries to comfort me but I still can't stop crying.

I need him back in my life.

We had so many years ahead of us, I feel cheated.

Thanks for sharing Deb..

This poem is so true.

Allana

Hi Redwing30

It is so hard...I feel comfort in my home but know I need to get out to. It takes me most of the day to get to that point.

My husband and I also held hands and I miss that.

I feel like a third wheel often.

Why are some people together for 50 years and others like us lose their spouses??? It seems so unfair.

We can hang in there together.

Take care

Allana

Thank you all for your suggestions.

I know that my therapist also encourages exercise Ron B.

It has only been a month and I have a hard time with motivation. I hope that I will get to the point that I can get outside and walk...It is hard to get out of the house..I do most days but it is an effort and it is later in the afternoon.

Thanks again for all your support!

Allana

I don't go to be until 12:30-1 AM and wake up several times during the night.

I have tried to go earlier however can't sleep so get up.

Last night went to bed at 12:30 took a while to get to sleep, woke up at 4 could not get back to sleep so finally at 5 got up and was putting more garbage out in the dark (garbage pick up today). Then I watched some TV and finally went back to bed at 7:30 for a couple of more hours.

This is typical of every night...any suggestions??

Thanks Allana

I too keep retracing my steps and think "what if"...but my Doctor etc keep telling me it would not have made a difference.

However I still keep wondering??????

What if...

Incredible both the stories.

It is so true..I had my stepson here today and we were going through Cecil's stuff and it was just like you both said..it is stuff we have the memories. There are some keepsakes and we laughed, we shared thoughts, it was nice.

I then received Cecil's urn and cried....

Just like a roller coaster..up and down.

We all shared a love that no one can take away from us!

Wow, that is so true...and your words incredible. We all share in the loneliness.

Hugs

Allana

Avalanche what a great word to describe the bad days..and we all go through them. Thanks for sharing the word with us.

Allana

I just went on the site and just from listening to the sample I felt my shoulders lighten and calmer. I am definitely going to purchase this CD. Thank you for sharing.

Allana

I totally understand what you are saying too.

My husband got sick very suddenly and was gone too fast. I stayed by his side in intensive care and held his hand....did he know I was there....I hope so and hope he knows I love him.

The miners surviving was a miracle!

I wish my husband had the same miracle and it is so hard not to feel the way we do....we are human.

We all have to rally and be support for each other.

Hugs

Thank you

This does sound like a good idea. I will definitley try.

Allana

That was beautiful!

I was out and about right after my husband passed (almost 1 month), but now I find myself not wanting to go out or talk to people.

I am worried that I won't be able to pull myself up and get going again.

So much to do....I will have to sell my house due to finances and I find I am overwhelmed. I can't motivate myself.

Just be there for your friend and listen. It is hard to know what to say...but just listening and hugs are great,

YES, I feel like you did last year....what do I have to be thankful for...nice to know there will be changes to that feeling...thank you for your thoughts and suppost

Allana

It is just 4 wks for me but hearing what all of you say is a great comfort. To know that there is great support within this group allows all of us to see we are not alone and have support from people who do understand.

Sorry you are so cut off from your family that must me tough.

Take care and keep in touch

Thank you for all your kind words.

It is my first holiday without my husband. This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

What a wonderful site this is. I will definitely stay on board.

Allana

People ask how are you?

What do you say in answer?

Do they really want to know or is it just the polite thing to say?

It will be one month on the 14th since I lost my husband so unexpectedly.

Some days I don't cry and others I don't stop... I realize this is expected but it is like nothing I have experienced before. All of a sudden it just happens.

I was at my daughter's for supper yesterday and just starting bawling when my other daughter from out of town said they could not spend the night with me as previously planned. I felt so bad for her and did not want her to feel guilty but the crying just came and I could't stop it.

I know unless you have walked in our shoes you really don't understand. Do people think enough is enough get on with your life?

I am new to this site. My husband passed very suddenly 2 weeks ago. I am having so many different emotions which I know is normal. My husband was suppose to go to stamp club last night which he loved. He helped out with the silent auction. His briefcase is still by the door. All of this is surreal. His schoolbus is not in the driveway anymore and it looks so bare.

I am still in my pjs today just can not get that one step at a time going today.

Thanks for listening.