LostmyHoney

Thank you for responding, I too hear my Honey welcoming me home or just to say he loves me ext. even to remind me to take my vitamins. I miss him !

Rachel

Im sorry you have lost your enthusiasm, I hope you get it back. Befor I met my Honey I felt that way all the time. I was a lost soul just frittering away my life. I didnt get much time with him but he got me on the right track so to speak. Now that he is gone, I feel so very unsatisfied once again.

Rachel

Today marks 3 mo. and it's also 13 weeks. My Honey told me I was the only person that ever brought him flowers, and he loved it. Today I decided to bring him some flowers, and that I will continue to bring them on the 2nd of every mo. A new tradition. It felt good to bring them into the house and say "Honey I brought you some flowers, I hope you like them."

Today was the first Thursday that I did not have a total melt down, I hope it continues.

Rachel

Carol Ann,

So very happy for you... Bravo !

I feel our loved ones are with us more than we know, that thought carries me through a lot.

I got more time with my Honey than we had thought we would get, so for that I can not be angry with God. I feel blessed and very grateful, but do understand the anger as I have been there in the past.

Rachel

I am so very sorry your feeling this way. I too have been there. Recently though I have noticed it is not the happy couples that bring me down but the ones who are bickering ext.I just want to scream at them "Dont you relize one of you could be gone from this earth at any moment, and then what would the other do?..." I hope we all find some peace!

Rachel

Hi Becka, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have been reading this forum for a few months now and from what I have read you really are quite normal. Everyone goes through this process diffrently. Most of our life experiances will determin how much something like this will effect us. Your previous anxiety has been amplified by quite a bit.

I hope you can find some peace here on this site as I have, we are all in the same boat here though not all journeys are the same. This boat that non of us wanted to board.

Rachel

I have not only survived the Thanksgiving holiday but I survived the retail madness of black friday! I am SOOOO glad thats done for another year.

Your Welcome !

Im so sorry for your loss. You may not have found a female who has lost a brother here but I asure you, you are not alone. I feel that this thread in "behaviors in Bereavement" titled Let Me Fix It could help you some. Please check it out.

Rachel

I met my Honey online in a 3d live pool game, after a few months he told me he was sick and the doctor told him he had a year or so to live. He was in North Carolina and I was in Nevada. I went to visit him in person 2 months later in Dec. and stayed a week. By the end of May he and I were driving from Nevada to North Carolina where I got to spend a very happy 3 yrs 3 mo. with the love of my life. I can only imagine how hard it would have been for me if we had'nt had that time together. Im so sorry you were unable to meet in person. You have found a good site to come to for understanding, we are all in the same boat but not all of the jorneys will be the same. I hope you can find some peace here as I have.

Rachel

I am just so very sorry you have had to endure so much! I wish there was something I could tell you that would fix it all for you! My heart goes out to you, as I can feel your pain.

Im sure your father probably was afraid of losing you to some boy he thought was not worthy of HIS lil girl. Fathers tend to not understand much about women and when a lil girl becomes a woman the relationship changes. Some times the father will try to keep his lil girl a lil girl but by doing so he pushes her away.

I hope you can find some peace soon!

(((((HUGS))))

Rachel

Thank You Kayc and Carrol Ann, and Buck Thanks You both as well!

Rachel

Thank You that was very uplifting, some days I feel like that oak tree.

Rachel

You could always try your hand at some new hobbies, you may surprise yourself!

Rachel

Melina,

I feel you are right!

There is a guy where I work who for some reason seems to tear up at the very sight of me. I dont know if I imagine it or not but all he ever says when I mention my Honey is he hates it for me. He must be a very sensitive soul...

As for my Honeys truck... I cant even imagine letting it go.

Rachel

2.5 months for me and I feel I will never clear out my Honeys things in fact I have started to wear his pj bottoms, robe, sweat pants and t-shirts. I take comfort in this as I feel closer to him somehow. Im sorry that it is not the same for you! The very thought of removing any of his things is unbearable to me. I wish you peace Melina!

Rachel

Wmjsca, I ask only one question and you dont have to answer it here just think about it...If you had known the out come of your time with Clint, befor you got to know him, would you have still been with him ?

Rachel

Wow Di thank you for that tidbit of info, guess I should have payed more attention in history class!

I can relate to your feelings Di, and though you did not go to any services you honored Glen here and in your heart too Im sure!

Rachel

I can relate to your feelings as I have had 2 abusive marriages. When I found my Honey online he was 3000 miles away and yet right there with me. I was SO taken with him, that when he told me he was sick, and the doctor told him he only had a year or so to live, I was devastated. I hardly knew the man but something about him…I feel that God had a big hand on my heart and he was drawing me to my Honey. I just had to go to him, and I did. I never knew a man could treat a woman SO good, so kind, considerate, caring, and gentle, even though I still had major defensive issues and it took a long time to break them down. I had more time with him than he thought but not as much as I had hoped. Even though I knew I would be the one to come out of our relationship alone, I still feel cheated in some way, and on the flip side I feel blessed for having had the little bit of time I did get.

You never knew that your time was limited and I can see many ways in which that would affect a relationship. We care that you will never see Clint again and we feel your sorrow, you are worthy, you are important, and even though we cant see you we know you are there !!!!

Hang in there !

Rachel

Today was a bit rough for me as it marks 10 weeks, and it is Veterans day. Though my Honey was very humble about his services in the 101st Airborn Division of the US Army. I have since been told that many lives were depending on his skills as a navigator, and he was far from being “Just along for the ride” as he always said. He was awarded several medals and he only showed me a few of them once. He never told me any stories about what he went through and that was ok. After he passed away I was looking through his stuff under the bed (I had promised him I wouldn’t look till after he was gone). I found so much more than I expected. Pictures, documents, yearbooks, and 14 medals many of which had valor device attached. He was, and is, and always will be my HERO, and even though I can not thank him again in person as I used to do often (not just on veterans day), I can here.

Buck, my love, I Thank You for all you have done for this country, and for all you have done for me !!!

And to any Veterans here that may read this post I Thank You too !

Rachel

Dimcl, I agree with everything NATS and Lindakay have said!! I myself am not much of a jewlery gal but am very interested in finding out where NATS got his pocket urn, it sounds like a great one. I have been looking online but just cant seem to find something I feel would be acceptable to both my Honey and me.

Rachel

Dimcl, no you are not turning into a nutjob, whatever it takes to get through a day. I have pictures of my Honeys daughter layed out so when he comes to visit he can have those memories. I don't have many pictures of my Honey but I do have a few layed out on his computer so I can see them often. I also carry them with me to work when Im having a rough morning, I show him off from time to time and it makes me smile.

Rachel

WOW Carol Ann,

You have touched me deeply!

I too have had quite a bit of trauma in my life, not from my childhood, but from my 1st 2 marriages and related situation. Though as far as I know I have not suffered any permanent physical damage. Some of what happened to me is still such a mystery as I only get bits and pieces of it. I can only hope that I can be as brave as you have been when/if I finaly do remember.

On another note, one of the lady's I work with gave me a hug a while back and I made the comment "Those are what I miss the most" since then every time she sees me she give me a hug. I hope that you can possibly fine someone like that for yourself. In the meantime HUGGGGGSSS to you!

Rachel

but feel like I'm in some kind of "Twilight Zone".

It has been 9 weeks and 3 days for me and I still feel this way. I sat down to pay the rent and it seems as though I just did it a week ago. On the bright side a welcome realization is when payday sneaks up on me. I too have no friends that I can sit and talk to and visit with, unless you include my lil makeshift family of stuffed animals. I talk with my Honey too and I feel him with me at time. He was sick when I met him, so I knew I would be the one to come out of the relationship alone. Much of the time though I don't feel alone, I can not see him, but I know he is there.

Im sorry you had to join us on this jorney of grief, and I wish you peace.

Rachel

I talk to my Honey out loud all the time, sometimes I even get an answer from him, it's more of a feeling but it comes across as his voice in my head. I also talk to our makeshift family of stuffed animals, even share my food with them as he did with them often (though they don't eat much a tast is all they need). I leave the TV on for them and even at times chose my programs at their requests. This is how my Honey gave me a way to cope with his loss, he brought them to life for me so I would not be alone. He made me promise that I would keep talking to them after he was gone. I have even told some of my co-workers about my little family and not one of them have looked at me like I was crazy.

Every morning when I wake I go to his urn and give it a hug and kiss and say "Good morning Baby", and every night "Good night Baby", I used to sleep with it in my bed but have since stopped at my Honeys request, he wanted to be able to lay next to me and watch me sleep as he had done so much while he was alive. There was one time I was in bed with his urn and he told me it was ok for a while but he did think it was kinda wierd, I laughed and told him "I kept telling you I was a wierdo but you didn't belive me did you ?" He said "I belived you, just didn't know how wierd, no wonder we got along so well !" We both laughed.

Rachel