nanasbaby

Thank you so much MartyT for the resources. The school Guidance Counselor ia using a wonderful workbook. Im even thinking doing a little memorial service this weekend with just the four of us so they can express their feelings. They did not attend the actual funeral because we thought it would be best for them to remember their grandmother the way she was before she got sick. They stayed at my parents house while we attended the service but they got to see all fo the relatives and friends when they dropped by later to pay their respects. So I think their own memorial service for their grandmother is in order.

Thank you 2SweetGirls. I have 3 sweet girls. Hope you are doing okay.

I know there are good and bad days on this journey..today is not a good day. I should not have even come to work. The school guidance counselor told me today how much my nine year old misses her Nana. She even wrote down all of the things she misses about her. It destroyed me. My mother loved the children as if they were her children instead of her grandchildren. She never missed any of their accomplishments. We take for granted all of the little things that you never know mean so much to a child. My mother watched Disney Channel with the girls and when they misbehaved or were not listening she would stand in front of the TV to get their attention. She teased them all the time and would go into the basement to exercise with them whenever we came over. These are things children love and apppreciate. Its hard to know that the children have been putting on a brave face. I can tell my youngest is also very sad because she is fine until my father and sister come over. Then she gets quiet because its a reminder that Nana is no longer here.... Not a good day today at all.

Princess Peanut, Im sorry for your loss My mother died three weeks ago. Its funny that you mentioned gaining weight because I swear I was about to look up "grief weight gain". It seems like Ive found solace in cooking. Ever since my mother passed away, Ive been making sure I fix three hot meals per day the way she did. I find myself only wanting to cook the foods she used to cook for us. I want to re create the life I had growing up. I dont mean to go on and on about me its just that you mentioned a topic I was just thinking about.

Happy Anniversary to your Dad and Mom ..

Hello Cat Lady, Im sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost my mother on December 26th and we are going to clean out her closets this weekend. As everyone else has said you have come to the right place.

Im glad to meet you Beaker. Im sorry for your loss. Im glad you have supportive friends. I have learned a valuable lesson and that is I need to get out and start enjoying life because its too short to waste time. Right now everything seems so weird. Today I actually feel good but I feel bad for feeling good. Even if I feel good, its still the first and foremost thought on my mind. I cannot sleep at night. I dont cry I just cannot sleep. Everyone is still talking about the blizzard two weeks ago...I hate it because that is the day my mother died. I feel betrayed because I always equated snow with happiness. I loved to snuggle up on a snowy day. Now its the enemy. A reminder.

OMG Hazle our situations are sooo alike. My father is doing well at least it seems that way. This weekend we are cleaning out my mother's closet. Since we were about the same height I will be taking alot of her clothes and shoes. I feel as if Im bringing her home with me. However Im surprised we are doing this so quickly beccausse its not as if my father is moving or anything. I think we should leave her things alone. But I guess its all part of the process....Hope your day goes well today ))

Thank you Sweet Pea and Hazle. At first I thought I said something wrong because no one had responded. I said to myself" Great now I cant even vent to the people who truly understand.." When you have young children, I guess you have to put on a brave face. My girls are 7,9, and 11. However my children do not even mention their Nana. Im wondering if I should ask them how they are feeling. I know the past few months have been hard on them. They seemed to go through their own depression. I have not focused on them the way I should. This has all been going on since the first week of school. Normally Im strict about their homework and schoool work ..but this school year I have spent most of my time glued to the internet trying to understand my mother's condition. Every day I feel alone. Im glad you all understand. Im sorry for your loss Sweetpea and Hazle. This is my first time losing someone close to me and it feels just awful. I find myself constantly reading the texts from the day she died. My brother was at the hospital with her and I re read the entire day's texts. I go back and read old texts that say "mom is tired today". Im only two weeks into this. We are expecting a big snow storm tomorrow night and I got filled with panic when I heard that because my mother died on the day of the blizzard on December 26th. Every year now the holidays will never be the same because it will be the anniversary of her passing. Today I didnt even go into the office to work, I slept and cried the entire day. I hope you all find peace and comfort.

Its been two weeks since my mother passed away. Now I hate Sundays, Thursdays and most everything. Last Thursday was one week since the funeral and I woke up then began shaking and crying....Each day I have an episode of crying. I go into the bathroom which I have deemed my "cry room." Im at my parents house right now, and it doesnt feel the same. It is too quiet. I miss my mother so much. Whenever I would come over she would tell me to sit down because Im always running around with my own kids. Even though I cant do hair to save my life she would always compliment my girls hair. I loved to hug and kiss her every five minutes. I know I was a pest and she would tell me so. I cant believe she is gone. Part of me feels like Im taking it too easy. Ive gone back to my routine. Getting the kids to school. Working. Right now I have this great need to get out and enjoy life. I dont know why. At the same time, I dont want to be bothered with anyone. I feel disappointed in the people I called friends. I know its wrong, but I see that so many people that work with my sister went really went all out and sent fruitbaskets, cooked food for the family etc. The people I called friends made excuses. The weather. They didnt know when the service was blah blah blah My boss that I have worked with for two years didnt even send a card. he did an on air "dedication"Call me crazy but at a time like this that people should be willing to go the extram mile..I found out exactly how much I mean to these so called friends. Now everyone has gone back to calling me up simply to listen to their problems. Once they are done blabbing, I get:"so how are you..how is the family.." GRRRRRRRRRR, Thank you all for letting me vent..can anyone relate ???

Great photo !!!! Im glad that your father got to see you get married ))

Thank you for your reply Niamh. Im sorry for your loss.

Hello, I am sorry for your loss and I can relate to the anger. My mother was 83 years young ) She went in to have polys removed. This should have been a simple procedure. They removed part of her colon and everything went downhill from there. In previous years my mother had survived breast cancer, poor circulation, etc. Last year at this time she had a pace maker inserted. I cried so much when she was going to have the operation. The day after her pacemaker surgery, my brother called. He asked if Id spoken to anyone. My heart began to beat like crazy. As it turns out, my Aunt had died of a heart attack the day my mother had her surgery.... Fast forward to September of 2010..after my mother's surgery to remove the polyps, she was ready to come home when she developed complications: nausea, vomiting, etc. Her kidneys began to shut down so they said they were placing her in the ICU strictly to monitor her more closely. They said her kidneys had shut down due to the dehydration and that is was ACUTE tenal failure. When she entered the ICU she could communicate, eat, walk, talk, everything. The day after she was moved to the ICU she had an exloratory surgery because they thought she would need a colostomy bag. They said she didnt need one after all. However, after that surgery, she seemed to pass away, even though her body remained until December 26th. She required a ventilator, feeding tube, and dialysis. She could never follow even a simple command. The doctors kept saying she was "unresponsive" yet they never told us what her exact mental state was. I asked if she was a in coma or a vegetative state, they told me she not unresponsive that she some days she was very responsive. To me she always seemed to respond to the family especially my father. After a month in the ICU, she was moved to a rehabilitation center. In my opinion, they didnt even try to reghabilitate her. They labeled her as unresponsive, and let her lay in the bed all day long. She developed severe bed sores and had to have debridement surgery. Her feeding tube fell out numerous times. Despite everything, we held out hope. We talked to her every time we visited. I swear she would nod her head when I would talk to her. The social workers said they could not enroll her into an sort of official rehabilitation program because she was not responsive. So she would just get turned over. I wish she had been in hospice. She was in and out of the hospital in a weekky basis while she was in the nursing home. Everyone treated her lke she was dying. In fact one time I called the hospital to see how she was doing, and the nurse got all exasperated, as if my call was a waste of time since my mother was not going to get better so what sort of news was I expecting to her.. My mother was treated like a lost cause, and that is not how she lived. The only information we ever got from the nursing home was negative. On December17th they told us she could pass away at any time. She stayed with us until December 26th. My father is very angry. So am I. I wanted to have at least one more year.. She took great care of herself and unbelievable that she is no longer here...

Thank you so much for your response. I love the phrase 'acute' stage of grief vs. chronic. Lord knows Ive grown accustom to hearing those phrases over the past few months. I feel very alone right now because those who I thought were friends really have not been around.

Im sorry for your loss. I LOATHE the question: how are you holding up ??? People asked me that while my mother was sick and I would cringe inside. I know how you feel when it comes to pain or ailment. I feel as if any ailment I get will land me in the ICU on a ventilator. As I said I have no words that will help but I can kind of underatand how you are feeling.

Hello all. I am new here and would like some guidance. To give you some background information, my beloved mother died a week ago yesterday. The day after Christmas, on the day of the big blizzard. I know it was all part of God's plan. My mother had been sick since September but her health had been failing for about a year. She was 83 years young. When I say that it is not in a patronizing way. She was really young at heart and independent. My mother loved to dance with my children, she loved to sing along to music, she loved to cook, sew, and kept an immaculate home. She and my father were ALWAYS busy. Even now with my mother gone, my father still keeps busy. Back in September my mother had surgery to remove precancerous polyps, she seemed to be recovering and was ready to be sent home...a couple of days later, her organs began to fail, quickly, starting with her kidneys. They did an exploratory surgery. After that surgery, she was no longer able to breathe on her own and required a ventilator. She received a feeding tube and needed dialyis. However we were under the impression that all these measures were taken to IMPROVE her condition. She was moved to a rehabilitation center after a month in the ICU. However I wish she had been moved to Hospice because they knew all along she would not get better. After being in and out of the hospital at least every week during her stay at the rehabilitation...my mother passed away last Sunday. Right now, I just feel relieved. Relieved that she is no longer suffering. Relieved that we do not have to see her with a trach attached to her...but Im worried about when the relief wears off...Basically it seems as if we have gone back to our normal routine. I cried at the funeral..I cry each day, but Im not reacting with amount of emotion that I thought I would. When I got the warning call last Sunday morning...I was calm..when I got the official word at 6;20pm that evening, I was calm. I reacted worse when my father told me ten days earlier that she could go at any time. Can anyone else underatand where I am coming from ???