i thought i would reply here because i always have gotten discouraged when i felt I didn't fit into a category neatly either. I just stumbled on this disscusion board and when i saw Kellymarie's post i couldn't not respond because of our similarities. I lost my ex boyfriend ten months ago in a car accident, he was just 21. I had also been the one to end things between us, however things never felt over. Not even this past summer, when it happened, and we both were fresh into new long distance relationships when college let out. A lot of my friends felt like he didn't treat me good enough post our "official" relationship, but then again we didn't have a committment anymroe. No one understood how much I loved him, my first love. I mean they understood I had loved him, but no one knew i wanted to be with him in the future, maybe distant future, who knows. I mean I had a new boyfriend,who is so great through everything, so i felt like i couldn't grieve like i wanted to. not that he was stopping me, i just didn't feel like i was allowed to. I mean I broke his heart months before he died, i should have moved on and i felt everyone around me felt that too. It was so upsetting at first when I would tell people what happened I wouldn't know how to describe it. Saying he was my ex boyfriend, did not begin to cover what he was to me, I still feel like only the two of us understood what we had.