Greg Johnson

I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law and of the situation that has been thrust upon you and your family. As you've found out, sometimes when we try to shield our loved ones from pain, we actually do the opposite. While I would also point you to the same thread as Marty, I'd like to add a couple of other ideas for you. You might consider getting a nice journal for your spouse and letting her know that it should be used as a grief journal. I've found journaling to be a very powerful tool when working through grief. It is a private action that allows one to spill all of those emotions, all of that garbage one is feeling, onto the page - as well as serving as a tool to help clarify those feelings. It has been a great tool for me when I've gone through loss of my own. For the doers of the family, you may wish to start organizing final arrangements (ie: gathering necessary paperwork for selling property, finding insurance paperwork, locating bank accounts, thinking about or making funeral arrangements, etc.) While these are things you may or may not want to discuss with your father-in-law, they may help you feel like you are doing something "productive" as well as giving you control over part of the situation. One quick and easy read that I would recommend is "Tuesday's With Morrie." It deals with one man's struggle with the impending death of his mentor. It is a very entertaining read that has a lot to say about anticipatory grief, but be cautioned that it is not a step-by-step self-help book. It is truly a story. However, it may speak to your situation. You may wish to read it yourself, or give it as a gift to one of your family members. I hope that this helps. Again, I am sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I will keep your family in my thoughts. -Greg

I am so sorry to hear about your father's illness. The realization of possibly losing a parent is one of the most difficult things we can go through, no matter the age. The best advice I can give is to spend as much time with your dad as possible. Nobody ever regrets the time that they did spend with one they've lost, but many regret the time that they didn't spend with them. Also, as hard as it may be, you may begin to think about possible funeral arrangements. Whether or not you have that sort of conversation with your dad is up to you. However, some people find that gathering information, even if it is just for themselves, can put their mind more at ease. It can give them a bit of control over a situation that seems totally out of their control. For others, this is not a step that they are comfortable taking. Again, I'm sorry to hear about your dad, and I hope that this helps.

Ms. B, Feeling guilty or afraid is totally normal. It is easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself. After all, you have just went through a major life-changing event and the person that would normally support you through it is gone. Just remember to try and cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to feel all of those emotions. It is the only way to truly heal.