widower

My family is in New Orleans, Houston, Austin and Pensacola, FL.

With the possible exception of Austin, those places are not exactly booming economies either......frankly Chicago, being so huge, is probably one of the best places you could be job-wise, even more so if you're feeling unsure of your career direction.

I think the 1 yr (ish....ballpark of course) advice is good, esp as you own a place vs renting. Moving is never fun, but doing it in middle age harder still...and in circumstances like this, even more so...so I would be very cautious. As you said, what if you move and hate it there? Another move? How much can you endure bouncing around??

Beware the "grass is greener on the other side" delusion. Maybe it is best to move on sooner or later, but IMO based on what you've said, you're better off at least in the short term to stand pat. The LAST thing you need is more upheaval in your life, esp as your loss hasn't been that long ago, relatively speaking. There is no quick fix, including moving. Just IMO

One of my precious dogs had degenerative myelopathy and gradually lost the use of her hind legs. She used wheels for nine months and did well - she was a feisty girl. Then she began to stumble on her front legs and was having more and more trouble. With a heavy heart I made that awful decision to let her go before things got worse. For months afterwards I agonized over whether or not I had made the right decision. The next time I saw my vet we talked about it, and he said something I'll never forget which helped me. He said, you took her to the edge of the cliff but didn't let her go over. I see many dog parents wait too long to let them go which they do for their own benefit and not for the dog. Our final gift to these precious souls is to walk with them when their days are coming to an end and spare them unnecessary pain. Would that we could do that for our human companions. As I watched my husband suffer and struggle to breathe day after day, I thought of what I had done for Whitney and wished the medical profession would allow the same peaceful end for Steve.

Loss of back leg use is common in older, declining dogs, and typically a sign the end is - or more to your point, should - be near. Most people don't realize that this is necessary for most dogs (to be put to sleep ie the humane thing to do); they don't conveniently get old and then die peacefully in their sleep. I will always regret we did not put our (well, her) last dog to sleep sooner, and largely that was my fault; I kept talking her out of it, saying don't you think he'd rather live than not, even if it's difficult etc - I had us both convinced, and that poor dog suffered because of it. I vow not to do that with this one, who is getting up there, but it will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. He has been the ONLY one who was there for me every step of the way in my loss. He has no idea how huge he has been to me.

http://www.nlmsf.org/deborah-d-jones-angel-page.html

I can't believe how long it's been already. In fact there's still a part of me that can't believe any of this is real, as ridiculous as that sounds.

I only miss you more each day. And nobody sees it. With rare exception, no one has seen all the tears, the anguish, the sleepless nights, the rage...the massive darkness your loss has thrown on my life. But to some extent, I probably I have that coming, so that isn't what gets me the most. What gets me is that YOU didn't deserve ANY of this. And I hate life for that cruelty. When I think of all you went through, so bravely battled and endured, only to lose in the end.....I feel so angry, so frustrated that I couldn't stop it.

I can only hope you're still out there, somehow; you still being "out there" and well and happy is the only thing that seems logical or just. And that I'll see you again - sometimes that hope is all I have.

I love you Deb. Please be waiting for me. And forgive the many, many ways I was lacking, if you can, though I don't deserve that either.

Merry Christmas.

I keep forgetting to ask my vet how big of a deal this is........and just missed a chance when I picked up heartworm pills Maybe I'll just call.

PS speaking of those pills, I suggest "Iverheart Max" over Heartguard - they cost less (at least here) and give broader protection.

I truly never thought I would see the day when I brush a dog's teeth BUT now I do. It took a bit for Bentley to get used to it. I was told to just let him smell and taste the brush first; then add the toothpaste after a few days ONLY dog approved toothpaste as the ingredients in human's toothpaste is dangerous to dogs. Now he likes it...loves the chicken flavored toothpaste. He also gets his teeth cleaned every two years. I would do it more often as my vet recommends but I do not like to subject him to anesthesia and with brushing, I can prevent that. Here is more information.

http://www.whole-dog-journal.com/issues/15_4/features/Maintaining-Canine-Dental-Health_20501-1.html?s=FB121213

From what I gather you're supposed to do it regularly. I don't. But he gets his share of milkbones and rawhides and his teeth seem to be fine, so a once in a great while thing I figure is enough.

Weird isn't it?

Hope everyone had a good one

Thx Marsha. I'm afraid my "stoic-ness" is much more extreme though. I haven't cried for her, not mourning for her, not even really thinking of her esp more these days. It's annoying, puzzling, and shameful. Hopefully it'll be something I figure out..

Hey getting back to that food advisor site - it has a thing you can subscribe to if a product is recalled (just happened the other day) - thx again for the site!

I'm sorry things aren't going well. My best to you and her in this most difficult time...

I appreciate both of your replies. Marty, of all the factors you mentioned, most are the same, and therefore not likely a factor w/this. The obvious exception is that we weren't close, but again it's not like we had heated disagreements/etc...and for crying out loud she was my sister. Yes I'm well aware grief isn't something you 'get over' (in fact I've pointed this out to others). And it's not aggravating my pre-existing grief, as it's not like that got worse. It was there before, still there now, not esp different. All good thoughts though, don't get me wrong. I don't know. Something I'll have to figure out I guess. Just very odd, and frankly frustrating.

Today I get Sammy for 2 1/2 weeks. I'm concerned because she's on Gravy Train, whereas Arlie has a more sensitive constitution and eats healthier dogfood. Dogs being dogs, they will want each other's food. And they don't always eat on command. When Arlie stayed there, Sammy ate his food so he was forced to eat Sammy's. I didn't like this, but it was only two days. 2 1/2 weeks is altogether different. Am not sure how to handle this. I'm just plain nervous about how all this is going to go. I was kind of backed into a corner with this. Kitty will not take kindly to this wild puppy in the house and will go into hiding behind the washing machine. I always felt bad enough when my son's puppies came, but at least that was two days, not 2 1/2 weeks. Ugh!

How about putting the visiting dog's bowls in a diff room?

I agree. The key is moderation and being careful of what goes in their mouths. I give Bentley veggies, a little, some fruit now and then and an egg once in a blue moon. He does get a small scoop of ice cream, vanilla, on rare occasions and his birthday.

Peace

Mary

That reminds me, he hasn't had "Frosty Paws" in a long time, I might get him some for the holidays

I think the author of this holiday meal for dogs was intending to show how many calories are in the food that people give their dogs (in part or all) and to watch the calories. There are many people who still feed their dogs table food or a raw food diet. I would never give my dog this food either but I might give him a bit of a sweet potato or other item on this list. Not sure if anyone would do this for their dog. Read the article and you will see what the author intended. I probably should have posted the whole piece but the link is there. The point is to keep the calories down on our pets over the holidays. Sorry for the confusion. My fault.

Mary

Ah got ya, no my fault, should have read it. I think - as with people - the key is moderation. I'm not above giving mine little bits of something I'm having, but the key is "little bits." He's happy because he feels like he's getting something, but in reality it's scarcely a bite of food. And I watch what it is - typically a small piece of cheese etc. In fact I advise being VERY careful what "people food" you do give a dog, even small amounts - chocolate isn't the only thing that can be harmful or even fatal! And it can vary from breed to breed (ham for example can be fatal to certain breeds even in tiny amounts, but not others).

? Wow that sounds like something I'd make for family or guests, not a pet. I love my dog a lot, but there is no way I'd feed an actual "Christmas dinner" to him - besides he's happy to get a gift (typically some kind of fancy rawhide or treat).

I'll be going "home" (parents' house). I love them and my family, but frankly I hate it. They are good people, but we wrote the book on dysfunctional and it's just hard in a lot of ways (that, a long lonely drive alone there and back, etc etc etc). Frankly I hate Christmas with the strength of 1,000 suns. If I could skip from about Halloween to Easter every year I'd do it and rejoice in my fortune at being able to do so.

I'm sorry. I had a similar timing (with my birthday not hers), so I can relate to that kind off added difficulty. Hope you're hanging in there....

Yeah but it's highly unlikely for him since he's been on this food for years. Appears tied to when I moved, something in the grasses/etc here I guess, I'm kind of rural.

Excellent post marty - 2 things you that came to mind for me that I was going to say if you hadn't, ie there is no quick fix here, this grief must be faced and dealt with.....and second, if a therapist doesn't work, try another (your broken leg analogy was spot on). Also consider different "styles" - for ex. I tried 2 group style counseling settings which did little for me before seeing a grief counselor 1 on 1, which helped a lot (PS I know people who got much more out of a group setting, not saying one is better than the other). Also I'm not sure what "therapist" meant, but frankly I would strongly suggest a grief counselor over some garden variety psychologist...ie see someone who specializes in this.

The other thing to deal with that's tied to the grief, yet also an issue on its own, is the problem(s) with the marriage. Your distancing sounds like it did contribute to his affair, but that is absolutely no excuse for what I consider an inexcusable thing to do. It sounds like you're both working on it and that may well be enough, but you might consider marriage counseling as well (don't know much about it to be honest, just a thought).

ugh - gravy train, alpo and some of the others they sell at grocery stores/etc are terrible. I have mine on IAMS and while it's not top end, it's respectable enough for me. Plus my dog's done fine on it for years, so why fix something that isn't broke? I toyed with the idea because he's licking/nipping at his paws a lot, but vet says it's probably allergies.....

I've rebooted, tried different browsers. I think it's something to do with whatever handles my videos.

Probably Adobe Flash. If you have 11.anything you should be good, but might try installing the latest....also try clearing out your cache on the browser. Do you get an error, or what happens (if anything)?

Thx all but the holidays have been a tense/disliked time for me generally for many years, well before my loss.......that just threw more salt on the wound, or whatever a good analogy might be.

After losing my beloved a few years ago, it tore me apart. I cried every day for about a year, despite not being much of a "cryer" (and even then I think mostly stopped due to meds). Frankly I still struggle with it. But just recently I lost my sister and have barely had any emotion about it at all. Granted we weren't close but she was a truly good person, it's not like we had any anger between us/etc. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar and how it played out. My guess is perhaps I'm "worn out" from grieving my initial loss, but then if that's true, why do I still struggle with that and mourn for her, where I'm doing it hardly at all for my own sister? I'm not exactly proud of this.

Food Advisor is at: http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/

Hi, just wanted to thank you for this link, I'm browsing now and it has a lot of good info....

To piggyback on the PC thing, I doubt it's a memory issue, but you can try just closing your browser and restarting it - some browsers are more of a "memory hog" than others (Firefox is the worst as far as I can tell) and restarting them clears it out - shouldn't be necessary to reboot the whole system. Keep in mind it could just be the site itself too; sometimes I'll try going to a site and it'll just spin and spin, takes forever to come up. Sometimes it can help to hit "stop" and then "refresh" (not sure why, but that's helped me various times). For what it's worth.

Hope you all "survive" the holidays. Personally I'd pay good money to just skip right to about March.

To me an anniversary is between those 2 people, nobody else. I can understand why that woman in church was angry; it just highlighted the fact that he's no longer around and that those anniversaries are no more. Truth be told, I wouldn't ever want a card from anyone but her before, so certainly want no such thing now. But as you all have said, everyone is different.....and her dementia throws a curve ball into the whole equation. Also as have others have said, you know her best and should try to take whatever cues from her you can and go from there. If she doesn't seem to recall that it's coming up, why point it out? I think just being with her as you mention above is plenty, but that's just my .02.