lorikelly

Hi Leann

I am glad that you found this website, it helps me alot. i come here alot even if i don't post i just read how other people are feeling and it makes me feel a little better. this thing called grief is awful, i wish you could know when it is going to end. i wake each morning hoping and praying that today will be a little better. i cry everyday at least once ( my mom passed on 7/3/06), i try not to cry in front of my boys since i know that it upsets them. i usually do it in the car coming home from work or i hide in the bathroom. i think there alot of people who think i should be getting over it already. part of me wishes i could but i know that it will be long journey. i hope that you can find peace and comfort here.

Lori

Shelley

I am so sorry that your are having such a bad day. i know what that feels like. just know that we are all here for you and are always willing to listen. When my day gets so bad i have been praying alot and also saying the rosary it keeps my mind occupied. i try to read what ever i can and i need to go get some new books to read. i come here alot b/c it helps me to read that i am not the only one feeling this way. we have to believe that we can get through this and most of all have hope. i will be praying for you and write whenever you need to. God Bless Lori

I think weekends can be very hard. I hate sundays. i work during the morning hours but then it seems like i am not sure what to do with myself. i feel alone even though i have my children and husband (if he is not working). i sit there and start thinking and then i lose it. i try to read watch tv go outside with the boys or find something to do but my mind just wonders. i wish this could get easier. i wonder how some people get over things so easily. it will only be 6 weeks tomorrow and some people think i should be feeling great. i miss my mom so much it hurts. this board is my sanity, i find myself reading and reading posts . it helps to hear other peoples thoughts. i keep thinking what am i going to feel like in a year, will it be better. i hope and pray everyday. i try so hard to keep on going for my boys and husband but sometimes it is so much work that it makes me physcially sick. i will keep trying for them and b/c i have to believe my mom would want me to keep going.

Well i thought i was having a couple of okay days, i only cried a couple of times and thought i was holding up ok. tonight i feel real sad, my 7 yr old told me i am doing good, he said you haven't cried in a couple of days mommy. i just miss my mom so much and i keep thinking i am going to forget her. i keep looking at the last picture of her with my son and i cry. i just wish i could talk to her one more time ( i know that this can't happen). i feel sad and sometimes i get afraid that if i don't think about her i will forget her. i just feel so alone and i look at her pray cards or her urn with her death date and can not believe it really says that, but i think if i don't look at it i won't accept that she is gone. sounds crazy doesn't it. i feel numb inside like i am not sure what to do next i feel like i am justing going through the steps and that i have to seem a little better to everyone or they will think something is wrong with me. i wish i could wake up and feel so much better, its scary waking up and not knowing how the day will be. i still can't play the radio in the car, i am not sure why but it bothers me. i wake up with such anxiety attacks that it makes me sick. i wake up to all those thoughts racing through my head. i pray that tomorrow will be a little better. thanks for always listening.

lori

I haven't taken up drinking or smoking probably b/c i am to afraid. You see i come from a family that has alcohol problems so i would be afraid to turn out like that. My thing wasn't eating and i lost wt but now i force myself to eat b/c i need the strength i was so weak. i am taking some meds for anxiety and maybe that is not the best thing to do but i needed it. it helps me calm down and refocus my thoughts. i am a little ocd so i go over and over things in my head so then i b/c so asnxious i become physically sick (like i was on sunday). i must say i am thankful for the meds so i can think clearly. i must say i am afraid of them that i will never be able to get off them but my therapist and husband tell me not to worry about that now just get through today.

i pray for all of you each day that we can get through this horrible thing called grief. i have also been saying the rosary everyday so that takes my mind of things for awhile.

God Bless Lori

Thank you all of you for listening and writing back to me. I am so happy i found this site. You all seem like a great group of people, i only wish we all lived close so we could see each other in person.

Hi

Well sunday was a horrible day for me, the grief was overwhelming and my anxiety is getting worse. i was sick to my stomach could not get comfortable, leggs shaking and out of my mind. i stayed home from work. well anyway my motherin law called and basically told me to pull myself out of it and that i need to get over it. she thinks i am dragging this on to long. my mom has been gone for ONLY 5 WEEKS!!!!!! she said she is concerned for her son and and my boys. i felt so bad i couldn't even answer her. my husband was furious at her, she then called yesterday and today. my husband would not speak to her until he could calm down. she drove to our house today and tom was leaving with the boys to go to therapy and she came up to the care. she told he that she was mad that he didn't return her calls and that she has alot of concerns. my husband told her he would not talk about it in front of the boys and she stormed off. she usually doesn't act like this. anyway my husband wrote her a email tonight and basically told her to be supportive of me and that it takes time. that she can't tell to just move on. i felt so sad b/c i can usually talk to her almost like she was my own mother. she hurt me really bad b/c she made me feel like a failure. like i should be better then i am. how can someone expect you to just move on, its still such a open wound for me. i have alot to deal with, her passing, and all the trouble with my siblings. i have done all the proper steps go to therapy, take some meds, come here and talk as much as i can. What does she want????? someone at work last week told me that they thought i was getting worse not better b/c i teared up a bit when talking about my mom. why do people behave like this? do they not feel? i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. now i feel like i have lost another person to talk to when i need to. i don't have my siblings and now i will have to fake it with my mother in law. i am sorry that i am rambling but i amd hurt. thanks for listening.

Hi I just tried the groww chat room and it was ok. i don't type as fast as others so it was harder for me. but i tried. i think i like the posting better. i also couldn't go into the part about people who lost a parent b/c that meets wed and thurs nights. i well into the general chat. it was ok, like i said. someone did tell me it was her time , i didn't like that remark but what can you say. i am feeling so anxious that i need anything to calm me down. forcing myself to eat also so maybe that will help. i think i would like chatting here better since i feel comfortable here.

Hi

Today i feel physicall ill , i am not sure if it is coming from how upset i was last night. Every part of my body hurts and i couldn't even go to work this am. i was on my way when all of a sudden i felt nausea, now i just can't get comfortable. its bad enough to go through the mental anguish but this physical stuff stinks. i have been up since 2 am and can not sleep, this is really taking a toll on me. i was going to try melatonin but read that can also cause depression so i dont need more of that. today my mother in law told me i have to snap out of ths and think of my husband and boys. she said she is trying not to get mad at me but is losing her patience. how can people be like this, from now on i will just fake it with her. she usually is very understanding and very religuous but thinks i need to move on. Oh God doesn't she realize i am trying.

Derek, i am sorry about your son, is he alright? i wish i could physcially help you the running around but i am in NJ. Do you mind telling me what kind of surgery he will need? this will be hard for both of you , he won't have his mom and you won't have Karen. I am truely sorry.

I hate hearing about this time frames 3 mos or the 4-9 month it makes me worry about how i am going to feel. i am scared now about what i will be like, i can't imagine feeling worse.

I am praying that this physical ailment leaves me today since i have to work tomorrow.

thanks for listening.

i thought i was having a ok day, not to much crying until about middle of the afternoon and i havent stopped. i wonder sometimes if i have really accepted my mom's passing. somethimes it feels like i am in a nightmare and tomorrow will be different. they say in all the grief books that you have to accept it first, i am not sure if i am really there yet. i also have read here that the three month mark is very hard (it will only be 5 weeks on monday for me) b/c that is when it really hits you. i can't imagine it being worse. i try not to cry and hide it but sometimes it just comes out. today i was crying so hard that i was almost begging for my mom to come back. you see my life really has been all about mom. i don't know who i am with out her and i am not sure if i want to find out. last night my husband was working 3-11 and i was home with my boys. i just started crying so hard that my 7 yr old started to cry , he said b/c it hurts him to see me this way. i then felt guilty. today i talked to my niece who is close to me in age (she is the only one who speaks to me my siblings don't) she was telling stories of when we were little and they were happy memories but for some reason made me feel worse. i just cried, i told her how much i missed my mom and she said she knew i would always take it hard. i just want her back just for one moment, i think that i won't ever see her again until i die. how can i go on all those yrs. the therapist says it will take a long time b/c of our relationship. i go to work and i know people expect me to be better so i have to fake it. i try so hard but then i explode later on. i can't cry at work. i talk to my mom everyday and wish she could talk back to me. i know she can't but i would give anything. i just never thought she would die even though she was sick and older. i miss her so much it hurts in every part of me. thanks for listening..

I will keep you in my prayers. I work at a vet so i have seem many animals euthanized including my own. i must tell you that it a very peaceful procedure and i believe that it is the one last thing we can do for our furbabies so they don't have to suffer. Maybe you won't have to do this. Iv fluids can help alot with meds. Maybe she will be able to come with fluids and you do them at home. it is not hard and it helps flush the kidneys out. Why is she so young with kidney problems? Maybe it is just infection , check with your doctor. As for being with her , i am always with mine but i think it is very personal and only you can make that decision. i just want you to know it is not painful and a sedative should be given before. pls keep us posted . I will pray to St. Francis for you.

i did not lose a spouse but i lost my mom 5 weeks ago. i can relate to the lonely feeling. i feel like part of me died with her and i will never be able to replace. my life was so wrapped around my mom (not that was always good) that i just don't know where i fit in . i feel like i am really not sure who i am without her. I have a husband and 2 children so you think it would make me feel better but i feel almost lost like i am walking around waiting to find out where i belong. i seem to be slower, have no energy and want to wish the days away ( i don't know why b/c now i can't sleep at all). i am even getting irritable i am not sure what this is from probably lack of sleep. I am still praying that each day will get better. thanks for listening to me.

Derek

Thank you for that reply, i cried as i was reading it. you always say such nice things. i am trying so hard to work on the guilt that keeps me tied to my mom. i try to remind myself of all the good i did, but honestly its hard. they say when someone dies we only see their good and all of our bad. i believe that is true b/c that is how you want to remenber them. i am working on it and praying so hard that it will get better so that i can finally begin to live my life. My therapist told me that i must put my boys and husband first for once (i always revolved my life around my mom) she said that i need to show them that they are just as important as she was. i am trying so hard it just hurts so much. keep praying for me and i will pray for you and your son. You sound like a wonderful man and Karen was blessed to have you. God Bless Lori

Thank you all for answering me, i will read and reread them everyday that i need to. Part of me know it will be a long road but the other part of me is so scared that i will not be strong enough. i pray every day for strength. i did once go to a co-dependency mtg (both my brothers are recovering alcoholics and both have master degress in social work but are no help)i am going to look it up on the web again. thanks most of all for listening.

I am having such a hard time with guilt. i seem to want to replay everthing over and over in my head. its almost like a recording that can't stop. i made a list of all the negatives things and all the positvie and thought once i did that it would help , wll no. i feel like i am at the end of my ropes. i feel helpless and hopeless. i try ever day but can't get away from it. i know that i am depressed due to the loss of my mom. I wonder if this will be forever, my mom suffered from anxiety and deprsssion all her life. i talk to my mom asking for her forgiveness for any thing i did wrong and part of me wants to believe she forgives me but i can't forgive myself. i go to sleep with it on my mind and wake up with it. i am physcially a mess, not eating or sleeping well. i took care of mom for 18 mos while she was bedridden at home with me and at times i was so overwhelmed, i was physcially and emotionally exhausted. i realize now that i was mad at her for not wanting to fight harder to live for me. you see i quess i never could accept that she would die. the dr said 6 mos to live and she live 19 mos, so i most of done something right. i just can't shake the times when i should be different, not gotten angry or frustrated. my mom had alot of problems emotionally also all her life so it was hard to deal with. i can only see all the good she had and only the bad i did. my therapist says that for me guilt is what keeps me tied to her. guilt was a big part of my upbringing so i was always surronded by it so i don't know any different. she said it will take time but i am not sure if i will ever be able to let it go. i am a natural born worrier and constantly go over ever scenario in my head so this is why this is harder for me now. i want to be free from it but don't know how. i try all the things everyone tells me but it still consummes me, the recording just keeps on playing. i don't have my siblings to talk to , not that they would be any help anyway. i feel desperate and so afraid of what will become of me. i find my self praying and then begging for God to help me. i read How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies (very good book) but i just reread the guilt chapter over and over. i need help and don't know where to start, i wish that there was a magic pill to take to take it away. the therapist says it will take a very long time since this has been a part of my life for so long. i just want to know how anyone else has dealt with it. i know i have probably asked this before but i just need to hear again. HELP

hi

i come to this board at least twice a day to read sometimes i don't post but i always read and sometimes reread. i try to wake up and think about only getting through today and not worry about tomorrow. i try but sometimes it doesn't work. yesterday was 4 weeks that my mom is gone. i try to say that today will be a little better then yesterday and i try not to put myself in that guilt mode. when that starts i just constantly think about it. i am trying to forgive myself for any wrongs i have done, and try to tell myself that my mom forgives me and loves me. i also say everyday Jesus replace my heart with joy and remove the sorrow. i am trying but it is so hard, sometimes it feels like to much work. I have to remenber all the good things that i did but someone told me that we always tend to remenber only the bad. it doesn't help that my family is not in my life, i know that my mom would want us to talk but for now that will never be. i really don't see that ever happening to much has happened. i feel alone even though i have my husband and children. its scary. i pray that today will be a tiny bit better.

Hi

I just read your story and i am so sorry , i don't think those words really mean anything because i can not feel your pain. i can't imagine what that must feel like. I come to this website b/c my mom passed on 7/3/06 and i feel awful, i just can't think how you must feel. my mom always said the worst kind of grief is the loss of a child. my heart goes out to you. i do think you should keep the baby b/c i think then for the rest of your life you will regret it. i think she will bring you the comfort that you need. i was jus watching Larry King the other night and John and Reve Walsh were on his show. they were talking about their son Adam who had been murderd 25 yrs to the day. The wife said that they concieved 3 mos after losing Adam b/c they felt that it would help them and it did. they have 3 children since losing him and i truely believe that is what got them through. i look at my children and say that they are the hope that i need to go on. pls think carefully about your choice don't make a hasty one. i will pray for you. do you go for therapy and pray. i think faith is the only one real thing we have. i can not tell you how long it will hurt for probably the rest of your life but i think you are going to make, give your self the time to grieve, mourn and heal. talk to other parents who have lost children maybe find a support group and think of that life growing in your belly.

Hi , i thought i was doing ok today but i am falling apart know. i just had to go through my moms storage unit since my sibling are coming tomorrow to take what they want. i know that they won't leave me anyting and i did't take anythnig big b/c i just don't want to fight anymore. i just want to grieve for my mom and be left alone. i found a letter my mom left that she wrote 7 yrs ago and said that she wanted me to have her china closet since it meant alot to her but i could not take it. i know that my sister will probably keep it. i feel so low!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it hurts in every part of me. i feel bad b/c my husband hates to see me like this and trys so hard to help me. he thinks its great i go on this website. my two boys age 7 and 11 have been so understanding and always are hugging me. i keep telling myself i have to have hope for them that it will get better. my stomach is a mess from stress and some new meds i am trying so i feel lousy that way. i wish there was a timeline that someone could tell me the pain would end soon. i keep trying tell my self today maybe a tiny bit better and i have begun to say each day that my mom loved me and i loved her nobody can take that from me also i say Jesus take my sorrow from me and replace it with joy. i pray each day to the sacred heart of Jesus. St. Jude and St. Anthony. My mom loved st. Anthony and always told me that to pray to St. Jude he is the saintof hopeless causes and i feel hopeless. I feel like a part of me died with her. we had a different kind of relationship, my mom had some emotional issues due to a horrible upbring and she always needed and craved attention. i was always there to try to make it better. sometimes i would get mad b/c i couldn't understand how she couldn't be different and that is what most of our issues came from. i know now that she couldn't be and tried her best , the best way she could. my mom had tried to committ suicide 2 times that we are sure of she never succeeded thank god but i was always there encouraging her to keep going. I was very much enabler to my mom that what people have told me but she needed that b/c i think no matter how many children she had she always felt sad unloved and afraid to be left alone. this comes from her upbringing but it caused alot of turmoil in our lives. my parents had a terrible marriage my dad was a alcoholic and life growing up was very difficult. i still adored my mom since i was little i always was afraid she was going to die, she was sick so much. and almost every holiday she spent in the hospital, going to the hospital (alot of christmas eves) or coming home on one. i think and so does my siblings that she craved the attention b/c we would always rally around her. i never left her side and put my life on hold for so long for my mom. i would give anything now to have it back. i was so tired being a caregiver and many times i wished it would be done. it was emoitonally, mentally and physically draining. i was the caregiver 24 hrs plus i worked nights and did everything for her since she was completely bedridden. she made me promise when i was a little girl that i would never put her in a nursing home and tried my best to keep her out. she lived with me for 18mos (my sibling thought she should of went right to a home) i just couldn't i had made this promise and i don't go back on them. she eventually died in onea nd that kill me , she was only there 4 weeks but i never wanted her to go. as you can see i have alot of unresolved issues besides grief to deal with. i am working with my therapist and i am 38yrs old so i know it took me a long way to get this way and it will take a long time to heal. my dad passed 4 yrs ago and i am the only child who spoke to him b/c my mom never wanted us to have contact with him or she would never have forgiven you. they both contributed to the crazy house we live in. i needed to see him so i wouldn't deal with regrets later. i am so happy that i did but nobody new is spoke to him. i had to hide my grief from that or i probably would of be disowned. i told you this is crazy. i just always wanted to please my mom and have her love me. i believe she did, she told my in the last few weeks that she loved me more then i would ever know , that when she was cremated she wanted to come home to me ( i have her ) and then the last thing she mouthed to me before she died was I Love You to. i told her so many times a day those last few weeks and she told me. i believe in my heart that we some kind of peace. what hurts me the most is that she would want us to be a family to remenber her together. that will never happen to many things have damaged our sibling relationships. people me tell me i have to move on pass this but it hurts so bad. my therapist said to have no contact with them since they are toxic and would only say stuff to hurt me . she says i am to vulnerable right now for that. i am sorry that i rambled , i just needed to vent and let someone hear my pain. thanks for listening.

Hi I lost my mom on 7/3/06 and i can tell the pain is awful, everyone says time so i am waiting. i try to wake up each morning and tell myself that today will be a tiny bit better . i just keep trying , i quess thats all we can do. i know that the early morning and night are the worst for me. i talk to my mom everyday and i pray alot. i ask jesus to replace my heart with joy not sorrow. we just have to keep trying. today i am going to my moms storage place to clean it out, my sibling want stuff so they will be coming also. they do not speak to me so it makes it si much harder. i can only tell you to cry if it makes you feel better and talk as much as you can. coming here helps me to read other peoples stories so i didn't think i am losing my mind.

shell

thanks for your imput about how you felt about the anxiety attacks. i felt the same way. i have lost 6lbs in 3 weeks and can barely eat. i started taking something and it did take the edge off. my therapist (who does not prescribe meds) told me it is like buying a car you could buy one w/o a/c b/c it is cheaper or you could buy one with a/c and be comfortable. i think thats how i relate to it. i new i needed something and i only take it once a day so i don't overdue it. i also read alot of books about grief, adc and anything i can find. i go to therapy once a week and cry my heart out so i think i am taking all the right steps, i just needed to focus better. it doesn't stop me from feeling or crying it helps me to thinks rationally. i am trying my best and thats all i quess i can do. these last two nights have been hard and i have cried alot wishing i could have my mom back so i could tell her so much. i talk alot to her and pray that she can hear me, i hope this grieving process does not take so long i don;t know if i will make it. thanks for listening.

I think this thing called grief stinks. it hurts so much. my mom will be gone 4 weeks on monday. Mondays i don't think will ever be the same for me i will always remenber that as the day she died. i don't think i have really accepted it, i still cry and say how i want her back. the pain is awful and some minutes i don't think i will make it through. i wait for the night so i can sleep, i think how can i go on my whole life like this. everyone says time but i wish i new how much. i have to go this weekend so my siblings can go through the storage unit with my moms stuff. they don't speak to me so the will be even harder i will just go open it and let them take what they want. that will probably be everything but i am just not up to fighting and they can be mean. my life seems so blah, like happiness is so far away. my husband and boys try so hard to help me but it is so hard to explain to someone what you feel. sorry i am just venting thanks for listening.

Hi i am sorry for your losses. mine is just recent my mom passed on 7/03/06 amd this has been the worst time of my life. each day i pray will be better. i come here alot to read others stories and that helps. i am in therapy and started some meds for anxiety i to hate taking them. they do help me think rationally otherwise i get so low. i am also going to talk to the dr. about a antidepressant b/c sometimes the lows get way to low and i can't function, my mind races. i am dealing with some guilt and that is what is eating me up inside. i go to therapy once a week. i have a wonderful husband and two little boys who i know need me. i go on for them. i also try to think that my mom would not want me to be like this. i can't tell you its easy i am hoping that like people say time makes it easier. i am afraid to take meds b/c i am afraid that i won't be able to get off them but i have to accept the fact they i may need some help. sometimes that is a hard thing to accept. i am trying my best and i quess thats all we can all do. Do you have a good support system? My siblings do not speak to me so that makes my grief harded since i am dealing with the loss of my mom and the loss of them ( if though they were never really around). keeping on going , get the help you need and talk alot . this seems to be a good place to come, i just started but i come everyday and it helps to know that what you feel is normal.

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSS. I CANT IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST FEEL LIKE. MY OLDER SON IS 11 AND I KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. PLS DON'T BLAME YOURSELF I KNOW THAT IS EASIER SAID THEN DONE. I BELIEVE HE IS IN HEAVEN KNOW AND HAS NO MORE PAIN OR SADNESS. YOUR DAUGHTER IS HERE AND SHE NEEDS YOU NOW. YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING ON FOR HER. NEVER STOP , YOU DON'T WANT HER TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT ALSO. KEEP ON GOING AND KEEP ON PRAYING YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.

I CAN UNDERSTAND ABOUT YOUR FAMILY . MINE DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME AT ALL AND I FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN. MINE IS SUCH A LONG INVOLVED STORY BUT I DON'T THINK THINGS WILL EVER BE DIFFERENT. MY MOM WAS LIVING WITH US AND WE HAD TO STOP THEM FROM COMING TO OUR HOUSE B/C OF ALL THE PROBLEMS THEY CAUSED. OUR FAMILY HAS ALWAYS HAD PROBLEMS . THEY COULD OF TAKEN MY MOM TO THIER HOUSE TO SPEND TIME WITH HER BUT THEY NEVER DID B/C IT WOULD OF BEEN TO MUCH WORK FOR THEM AND I THINK THEY WERE AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD BE STUCK WITH HER. MY MOM WAS BEDRIDDEN SO YOU HAD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR HER AND SHE COULD NOT WALK, MY HUSBAND AND I WOULD PUT HER IN THE CAR AND TAKE HER TO THE DRS SO SHE COULD STILL SEE HER OWN DRS. MY ONE SISTER PROMISED HER THAT SHE WOULD LOOK INTO HER COMING TO STAY WITH HER FOR AWHILE. SHE LIVES IN FLORIDA AND WE LIVE IN NJ. WE WOULD OF RENTED A RV AND DRIVEN HER DOWN AND THEN LET HER STAY FOR AWHILE AND THEN PICKED HER BACK UP BUT THEY NEVER WOULD DO IT. MY MOM COULD NOT SEE THAT THEY DID ANYTHING WRONG AND I WOULD GET SO MAD. I QUESS KNOW I REALIZE THAT IS WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS. I HAVE SO MUCH GUILT ABOUT TIMES WHEN I WOULD GET MAD AT MY MOM EVEN THOUGH I LOVED HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HER. IT TOOK MY SIBLINGS 4WEEKS BEFORE THEY CAME TO SEE HER IN THE HOME WHEN SHE WAS ON HOSPICE MY ONE BROTHER NEVER CAME. I HAVE TO GET RID OF THIS GUILT OR IT WILL EAT ME UP INSIDE, MY THERAPIST SAYS THEY ARE NOT FEELING GUILT ABOUT ANYTHING. I KNOW MY MOM LOVED ME VERY MUCH THE LAS THING SHE SAID(SHE HAD TO MOUTH IT ME B/D SHE LOST THE ABILITY TO SPEAK) WAS I LOVE YOU TO. SHE TOLD ME IN THE HOME THAT SHE LOVED ME MORE THAN I WILL EVER KNOW. SHE SAID I WOULD ALWAYS BE HER BABY. I TOLD HER I WAS SO AFRAID OF LOSING HER B/C I WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OUT YOU.MY MOM HAS BEEN SICK ALL HER LIFE AND THERE WERE MANY TIMES SHE SHOULDN'T OF MADE IT AND ALWAYS PULLED THROUGH. I THINK I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE IT COULD HAPPEN, I THINK PART OF ME WAS MAD AT HER B/C I FELT SHE HAD GIVEN UP. I WANTED HER TO KEEPING FIGHTING AND NOW I KNOW SHE COULDN'T. I AM SORRY IF I AM RAMBLING JUST ALOT OF EMOTIONS FLOWING OUT OF ME. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME. I AM HOPING THAT TOMORROW WILL BE A LITLLE BETTER I AM NOT SURE SINCE EVERYDAY SEEMS HORRIBLE. IF ANYONE HAS EVER DEALT WITH GUILT MAYBE THEN CAN TELL ME HOW THEY HANDLED IT. THANSK

THANKS FOR ANSWERING. IT HELPS TO KNOW THAT OTHERS FEEL THIS WAY ALSO. I AM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR WIFE, SHE DIED ON MY MOMS BIRTHDAY. SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT EFFLEXOL AND SAID IT MAY HELP ME. I WENT TO THERAPY TODAY AND MY THERAPIST SAID IT MAYBE A GOOD IDEA TO THINK ABOUT TAKING A ANTIDEPRESSANT. I AM GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT AND TALK WITH MY DR. MY HUSBAND SAYS I NEED SOMETHING SO I DON'T GET THAT LOW, BECAUSE WHEN I GET THAT LOW IT IS HARD TO GET BACK UP FROM IT. I KEEP ON TRYING FOR HIS SAKE AND MY TWO BOYS. THNAKS AGAIN FOR LISTENING.