R.Everit55

I've been listening to a song by Anne Murrey "you needed me".  My Mary dedicated this song to me at our wedding.  

Thank you Marg and George.  

I almost feel guilty for feeling the way I do but having my blessed family by my side and others don't have that.  So in a way I beat myself up for that.  But then I try to tell myself we each are on our own grief journeys and sometimes very different ones even though the pain and grief be the same.  

Hugs

While its overwhelmingly joyous having my son DIL two grandsons and now my granddaughter with me my heart aches so badly.  I look at the kids innocence and wonder and joy and the cuddles and smiles and coos from Gracie and my heart bursts with joy but aches that their Grammy Mary is missing it all.  

I still lay awake and touch her side of the bed and smell her pillows that still after 17 months on the 9th smell like her and I cry and my heart hurts.  I keep thinking it's going to be 17 months I should be over it. But I'm not even close.  

My Mary was my other half my lifeline my best friend my love my princess my bride my everything for 34years.  I can't let go.  

I simply want her back.  If only for a moment...

Butch. 

5 minutes ago, mittam99 said:

7lbs. 14oz.?? ... now that is something to smile about!!!

She's a beautiful little girl and I'm glad to hear you're taking it easy, Butch.

My personal recommendation is for as much R&G (Rest and Gracie) as you can handle over the next few weeks.

Thank you Mitch.  I like the R&G idea. 

I'm on my way to bed.  Early.  Just going to listen to some music and pray I dream something happy of my Mary.  

I had the best medicine for my heart today.  After Gracie got back from her Drs appointment she laid on my chest and we both napped that way for three hours.  Does a Grampy's heart health good.  Oh and she's weighing 7lbs 14oz.  Its all in her cheeks!  ❤️   

Im following Drs orders on rest and the orders of my son and DIL.  

Gracie bear has developed a love for and a favorite blankie.  

Thanks everyone for prayers.  I'm resting and behaving.  

Butch 

Kay I know you just can't leave me alone for a sec.  .  Thanks for the smile.  

I'm doing my best.  I'm going to try to rest.  It's so hard to get rest with nurses coming in all the time.  I can't wait to be home.  

Thank you.  Right back at you Gin. 

It's very difficult being ill without my wife.  I've had a heart attack heart surgery and been sick and here I lay in the hospital again with heart complications.  I dearly want my bride to be by my side.  It's lonely.  It's no wonder we all have health problems with our shattered hearts missing and needing our loves.  

butch

I miss my Gracie.  Allen texted me this photo of her screaming.  My first thought was perhaps she misses her Grampy as much as I miss her.  In reality she was a hungry girl.  She has the patience of her daddy.  Allen couldn't wait to be fed as a baby.  

Gin I'm sorry your facing some scary health issues.  My thoughts and prayers for answers and peace are with you.  Hugs. 

Butch

I'm replying from the hospital.  I've been admitted to monitor my heart.  I've been having a lot of PVCs and palpitations with chest heaviness.  With my heart attack and surgical history they are being safe.  My heart rate keeps jumping to nearly 200.  The PVCs are very frightening.   

I miss my Gracie bear.  And yes she's already got me wrapped around all of her fingers and toes.  

Butch. 

I think it's safe to say our little pumpkin is feeling at home! 

PS-- Save a place for me is a song I listen to nightly.  

Hugs a love Anne.  I'm sorry you're facing the angelversary in a few days of your Jim's passing.  We are all in this together. That is truer than true.  I just have trouble articulating things.  I'm thinking of you.   

There are new pics of Gracie in the I'm missing her thread above.  I hope they will make you smile.  Kay said she is the forums baby now.  

Certain lighting you see the very little hair she has.  She's just precious.  

Oh and Yes if ok Gracie bear accepts being the forums baby.  She hopes to bring smiles and light heartedness to everyone in time of need.  

She's was not settling and was failing like a monkey so daddy swaddled her in her monkey swaddling blanket.  She loves being swaddled.  She went right to sleep. 

Hugs Patty.  You're so right.  We can only do what feels right for us at any given moment.  I think whatever it is at that moment keeps us "safe" somehow and sane.  

I have so much to grateful for.  I have my son and DIL in this home and my two grandsons and finally little Gracie my sweet granddaughter.  We are a family.  Yet there's so much missing without my Mary.  She was my everything my world my breath.  I truly am grateful for our 34 years together.  I'm truly grateful for our triumphs and sad times too for they made us strong.  We have three children but two are in heaven with her.  We have five grandchildren but two are in heaven with her.  I'm a grateful humble man.  My heart hurts but I'm grateful indeed.  Love never dies...   

Gracie got a visit from her great Grammy today.  In this pic you really see how tiny she is.  Small but mighty.  She made Gracie the booties she's wearing.  

Look who's home again. And smiley.