Hi Annalou,
I am new to this website as well. I lost my husband 14 months ago at the age of 37 and I still miss him terribly. Up until about a year before he died we did almost everything together from the time we met 21 years ago. In the year or so before he died he changed. He was suffering from depression and had become addicted to pain medication due to a shoulder injury. He was not the same man I married. But I always hoped he would get better and our life would go back to what it should be. He used to always tell me that me and our kids were the most important people in his life, we were his life. I struggle so hard with the fact that he is gone and everything we talked, planned and used to do is gone now.
The day he died we hadn't really talked to each other for almost a week. We would answer each others questions, but that was about it. I had begun to realize that when he was in one of his "evil" moods it was best to just let him work it out instead of trying to talk to him about it. We had some pretty awful arguments during those times that I tried to talk to him because it always came down to it being "my fault" even though I knew all of it wasn't. I would just accept it so that we could move on.
The last thing he said to me that morning when he dropped me and my car off at work was that he needed a lighter (there more that happened in this moment but too much to type about). I gave him his lighter and walked away. That was the last time I saw him alive and my heart breaks that is the last thing he said to me. I do know that he loved me and our kids very much, but his demons became much stronger than any of us thought. However, if there was any day I could take back it would be 09/11/2013.
Please stay strong for you and your daughter, my children have been my rock and I know I am theirs (they've even said so ).