Hi,
My name is Anthony. I'm so glad I found this forum and I hope to get some inspirational support, as well as start the healing process simply by sharing my story....
Before I begin, I know there are many stories similiar to mine and although it does help to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this, I can't help but to feel alone and empty.
Ok.... sorry if my thoughts seem a bit random.... I still have so many feeling running around in my mind.
Four months ago I, age 40, met my girlfriend, age 37, (well, now ex-girlfriend as of yesterday)... we met at the gym we both belong to. I got up enough courage to ask her out, she said yes, and it began from there. We hit it off immediately. It was like nothing I've experienced before. She felt the same way. We started spending the majority of our time together, aching for each other when we were apart. We connected on so many levels it was crazy.... I knew (or at least I thought I knew) that she was the one I would some day marry. Within a month in to the relationship, we talked about future plans together and things we wanted to do. Things were amazing!!!
Her father.... He was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer 2 years ago. He had been ok up until recently. The cancer had spread and he began chemotherapy... I'd say 3 weeks ago or so. My girlfriend was very close to him.... Just about the time he started chemo treatment, my girlfriend and I went on a vacation to Puerto Rico, a trip we were both excited for. That's kinda where it went downhill. She was constantly worried about her dad while we were there since he began getting sick from the trearments. Plus, the weather was terrible raining almost every day, which didnt help matter. She began telling me I'm too clingy which caught me completely off guard b/c I wasn't any different on the trip than I had been the previous time we were together.
We get home from the trip and a week later her dad is in the hospital suffering liver and kidney failure. Within 4 days after being admitted, he passed away.
I gave her as much space as she needed. She spent all of her time with her brother, sister and mom. I did not attempt to smother her in any way, at least I ddnt think so. I did tell her I love her often and did whatever she needed me to (pick up food for the family, run errands, etc).
So fast forward to now (a week after his death).... She stopped saying she loved me 3 days ago and broke up with me yesterday.
I am absolutely devasted.... I'm still madly in love with her.... I keep questioning what I did wrong??? What is wrong with me??? Am I really too clingy???? Was I not around enough to support her??? Can you really fall out of love with someone that fast due to a death of a parent????
Now, to add to all of this, she is recently divorced.... like from the beginning of this year (2014). She also has an ex boyfriend who she has been friends with for many years. His mother passed away about 2 months ago, also due to cancer, and I can't help but wonder if she will now run back to him b/c he will be able to understand what she is going through....
If you love someone, don't you work through things together???? Her brother is married and he isn't pushing his wife away...... Although I hate to even think this, and please don't judge me for doing so, but is it possible that I was just her distraction from other events in her life (divorce, etc.) and the death of her father was a way to end it with me?
I'm so confused.... lost.... empty......
I want to talk to her and hug her and tell her all of the things I will miss about her but I know I need to stay away.. I won't help either, when I run in to her in the gym.....
I'm sure there is alot more I'd like to say right now in this post but this is all I can get out at the moment.
Thanks for listening!!
Anthony
