scba
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Status Replies posted by scba
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Scba, i feel exactly as you. Like you, i am young and we're a rarity. I am in early weeks and already i know no one else, im the first of my friends to travel this path. And everyone else goes back so quickly to the busy lives of 30 and 40 year olds, and i feel totally in another world. And im like you, i dont wish for a long life anymore. Not at all. Even though i have a successful career, its never brought me much fulfillment. I always wanted a partner to settle down with. It took me almost 40 years to find. And we were a perfect match. On the first date, i knew. And it was easy and smooth and so happy and fulfilled. And even our bad times, werent that bad. And so, i feel like the purpose of my life is gone, until we meet again, and because i had so much time before we met to try out different things and volunteer and all the stuff, i ferl like ive done all those things. And i was so very happy just spending time with my Paul. That wouldve been more than enough for me for the rest of my life. How long did it take you to get out of bed and get some sort of routine? I feel an awful burning despair now, and have thought of ending it all, but paul asked me not to and we have a dog. How did you get through the first weeks and months. And i dont exoect mine will get better either. I feel it will be worse
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Dear Kathryn, I'm sorry for your loss. Me and my boyfriend lived in a different town from our families. When he died, my mum came to bring me back to my hometown, and I'm still living with them. I have no idea how I made through the first days and months cause I remember little. It helped me not to be alone. I stopped eating, stopped talking and I even feared to go outside. I remember my mum asking me to stop crying and to make an effort to leave the bed. Weeks later, I started with therapy. I remember I cried every day, I spent 4 months in the couch watching tv, checking Facebook, and not willing to talk nor meet friends. After 4 months I went back to our city, but I couldn't handle be there. I started to focus on something else around month 5, paying attention to nature and birds. By month 8 I started to volunteer and to teach at home. It took me little by little and one day at a time to leave the couch, to be able to take a bus alone, to have a conversation, to leave the bed in the morning without much thought. I started to work full time,this month number 16 but it is not going well. It took me pain, tears and with the help,of family and closer friends I stood up. I am not at any point of feeling any light, hope and purpose. I am clueless. But I spend less days crying all time. I still do, but it comes and goes. I still feel bad for the way I feel because, it seems like I want to stay in this dark place, in this dark vision of life. But I,learn from,people here that it will,take me time,,if not years, to reach a point in which some balance will be back to my life. My advise is universal, one hour and one day at a time. This is a very good place to express and to learn from others journey. This is my experience....
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Reoccurring dreams are common with me...even catnaps and I catch a glimpse of my Angela......at first it was spooky, now I accept it. I know its all in my screwed up head.........It is a different world now, I'm like a child again, relearning everything........
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It is a different world, yes. I don't understand this new world. I trust my dreams, they are not paranormal but it is what I have as an image from him. I treasure them and I believe they come from love and our souls. I am very pragmatic and rational but these approaches haven't helped much in this journey.
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