JayNTeeforalways

I posted on here a few weeks after my husband passed away, July 17th. Life's been hectic as I've been back to work. I still cry everyday, at home and sometimes at work, but have great support of family. I still miss my husband tremendously, with all my aching heartheart and that doesn't nor will it ever make up for the loss of my husband. I wonder sometimes if by going back to work so soon after my husband passed away is doing me more of a disservice than helping because for a chunk of time (8-9 hours of the day, 5 days a week) I'm focused on work and not allowing my feelings to just be. My husband was buried on July 23rd and I returned to work on July 29th. Not sure how I did it or have done it since and if that was even the right move, so I worry about myself as I've read in different places that by "keeping busy" you can force yourself to ignore or delay the grieving process rather than facing it head -on and allowing grief to take its course? Grief is so confusing. Any feedback is welcomed.

Hi Luna, I'm so sorry for your loss. lost my husband to sudden/unexpected death (cardiac arrest) on July 1st. We're both 35 yrs old. Yes, it's the hardest, most painful, most difficult, most unbearable pain ever. I cry everyday. Nothing seems right. My life, plans, world has changed literally overnight. I have not the right words to tell you, but that you're in my prayers and you've come to the right place. I came here for support the first week my love passed away and this group helped. It's okay to feel angry and express it him. Don't feel guilty. Grief is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Its confusing and scary. We just lost someone so close. It's like losing half of your heart. I was pretty heavily reliant on my love emotionally. He was my best friend I vented to, cried with and shared all my joy with too. I cry everyday. Its hard for you because at a time when you need to let lose and go with whatever emotion youre feeling, you have to be strong for your kids. Are there times and a safe place where you can take a moment and just cry? You'll need that for yourself. I do that when I need to, at home, at work, at church, anywhere. My heart still aches every waking moment, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I'll be thinking of you.

Thank you. Everyday I cry. I can be fine one moment and the next, I'm sobbing. Tonight I wailed so badly. Memories of my husband arriving from work at a certain time and a roller-coaster of emotions just hit me. The pain seems to be more now than before. I'm still having a difficult time realizing that he's no longer here. I get brief and passing thoughts that he's here and have to verify with my mom that he in fact is not coming home. Any of you experience this in the first month?

Today marks 4 weeks since my husband left and it feels like it all just happened yesterday. I'm crying more and harder and the pain in my heart seems heavier and more intense. I'm not sure why, because everything is sinking in? I don't know but this pain is so bad. I miss him and I cry all the time. I can't stop crying. This is so painful.

Thank you froggie and scba. I woke up this morning wishing I hadn't. My heart literally ached and my stomach turned after realizing that again, my husband isn't here. I cry alot and don't hold back. It helps, but of course the pain is still there. It's his physical presence that I miss the most and the things that seemed so little when he was here, like a hug or being able to put my head on his shoulder just for comfort or touching his face or a kiss from him on my forhead. I just miss him so much. Thank you for your words everyone. IT helps to hear from those whom have been through this because this is the worst and moat cruel type of pain, ever.

Thank you Kayc, Katpilot and queeniemary. The service was two days and it's done. It's been a long, tiring, difficult, numbing and exhausting last 3 weeks. I miss him so badly. I cried like a baby today. It feels like the day he left, all over again. I have moments where I'm okay and then I'm not okay, I sob so badly. I have moments when something triggers a memory of him or us or something he or we did, I feel so sad and hurt and all the hurt feelings resurface. Is this normal? But what is normal? I don't know. I don't know alot of things. All I know is my life has changed and not for the better, I feel. I feel so lost. I'm just so sad and hurt and heartbroken and lost and helpless. This grieving process is the worst kind of pain and no matter how much I wish I could change these feelings and thoughts, nothing can help it. I'm so lost without my husband.

Thank you everyone for the support. Ive read each post and it means alot. I've been busy, especially this week as I'm preparing for my love's service. I have so much family support right now, but I'm worried about how I'll feel after the busy-ness has settled and I'm back to my "normal" routine before my love passed away. The thought just tugs so hard at my heart. I'm still numb I suppose and my mind's kept preoccupied. I'm literally taking it one minute at a time because even one day is too much. Thank you all again.

I lost my husband on July 1, 2015, 2 weeks and 2 days, to cardiac arrest. He was 35 and so am I. So young. We were together for 4 years before we married (3 years in Sept 2015). Ive known him since 1995, but we didn't start dating until 2008. This is all still fresh. I've cried and cried and still do but a huge part of me hasn't hit realization yet. I'm still arranging his services so thats kept me busy these last couple of weeks. People ask me how I'm doing and I wanna say, "what the hell do you think? I just lost my husband!" But I kindly reply, "I'm okay". I miss him with everything I am. I miss him more than words can say. Sometimes I try to avoid thinking about him too much because it hurts, cuts so deep. I really don't know what to think. I'm kind of numb, okay at times, think this isn't really happening. So much going on in my head but so little at the same time. Make sense? I'm confused. One thing I know for sure is that I miss him like no one could ever understand. Thanks for your time.