Hi Luna, I'm so sorry for your loss. lost my husband to sudden/unexpected death (cardiac arrest) on July 1st. We're both 35 yrs old. Yes, it's the hardest, most painful, most difficult, most unbearable pain ever. I cry everyday. Nothing seems right. My life, plans, world has changed literally overnight. I have not the right words to tell you, but that you're in my prayers and you've come to the right place. I came here for support the first week my love passed away and this group helped. It's okay to feel angry and express it him. Don't feel guilty. Grief is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Its confusing and scary. We just lost someone so close. It's like losing half of your heart. I was pretty heavily reliant on my love emotionally. He was my best friend I vented to, cried with and shared all my joy with too. I cry everyday. Its hard for you because at a time when you need to let lose and go with whatever emotion youre feeling, you have to be strong for your kids. Are there times and a safe place where you can take a moment and just cry? You'll need that for yourself. I do that when I need to, at home, at work, at church, anywhere. My heart still aches every waking moment, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I'll be thinking of you.