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So I read even more topics today and im a bit more aware of what she's going through. Ive noticed that some inidviduals just cant deal with small talk and they also may get upset that others are living a normal life while there's has been turned completely upside down. Maybe I've been insensitive to her needs and although i try to understand, i never will. Lost still.

Tam I've been following this thread and you and I are in the same boat. We don't want to be the bad person by going dark, but at the same time the position our partners have put us in is extremely unhealthy for us. Right now I'm having a hard time bc i just read my gf messages, but a few hours ago i was calm and at peace. Im not sure if you feel this way, but I'm exhausted from this emotional roller coaster. I calm myself down and then BAM! there's a msg and i choke up and cant figure out the words i should say. Im so sorry you're going through this but if it's any comfort to you, you're not alone.

So im up and just checked my phone to see if i had any messages from her. Basically she said what's up? I told her was up n thinking of her and she wrote back "okie" then told her i missed her n she immediately wrote back "same here" notsure what to think of that. Am I reading too much into her words? She used to say miss you too babe but now i get "okie" and "me toos" am i being friend zoned? Is this her not wanting to think? I know she's with her mother so probably busy but God I want more! Im being selfish I know but i want my sarcastic and funny gf back! Im so down in the dumps. Here's to another sleepless night replaying those three words in my head.

Yeah i think the pressure is what probably drives them away more. My anxiety right now has me kinda trembling and it doesnt feel good. I dont know what triggered this but hopefully by writing my feelings down right now it'll help. I currently feel like if I don't reach out a few times a day she won't even think of me. Im terrified that i wont ever hear from her again, although deep inside i know it may be a good thing for me. I have tons of conflicting emotions right now but i guess some are from my feelings for her while the other ones are my guards trying to build a wall. Ugh this is all so ambiguous. I learned to not try and control situations in therapy but right now I'm acting out and playing detective to see who she has spoken to etc.

Thanks Kayc for your words of reality and encouragement. I actually just received a very normal msg sayinf gnite and sending me her love. I cant imagine how exhausting it is really. My father also has cancer and i kmow i will lose him soon but i cant even picture what life will be like once he passes. I think we grew a bond bc of our parallel dilemmas and i hope she doesnt resent me bc my dad is still alive. U seem so strong and wise in ur posts. U have no idea how much strength your words provide me and im sure many other ppl. Heck im even willing to say ur like a cyber angel whose words may be quite candor but so insightdul and full of truth. Thank u thank u.

Im sorry you had to bear the grief of both sides; i can only imagine how hard it is to lose a loved one. Hugs. I know i should listen to my head but my heart says something else. Just this evening i tried calling twice and she was in phone for over 30 minutes n rejected my calls. I sent her texts (simple ones) but nothing. I don't want to just turn off the switch and walk away, i feel id become the bad guy, but i feel her lack of consideration towards me is borferline insulting. Dunno not sure what to think of it. Today we had a nice talk and even saw her smile, but then a few hours later no response. I feel hopeless but know i cant sit idly by, ur posts have taught me that. I went to the gym n then took a long walk before coming home. Kayc, were ur friends any help? My friends say leave her n find a new one but its only been 2 weeks and I dont think it's fair for either of us if i just give up when it gets hard. Frustrating!!!!!

Thanks Kayc. I have read countless posts of yours and they've been extremely helpful. I know i can't do anything but support her right now anyway i can, but the desire to be with her is overwhelming at this point. Ive suffered from anxiety disorders for many years and had it under control for sometime but now it's all come back and it has gotten to a point where ive had to go back on my meds so that I can function at work and in life. Just last night for thr first time in 2 weeks i put on the radio and was actually able to hear the song. She just called about an hour ago and said she'll call rifht back but again i find myself staring at my phone waiting for the call. Anyways any advice you can give im allllll open right now. I think just putting my feelings into words and typing them is helping me tremendously. One of my biggest fears is that i may never see her again, but i know that is my insecurity pushing itself into the light. Im not a very patient person but through prayer and meditation and pills im having to be.

If u notice from my writing my thought process isnt all there. Im literally a bag of nerves. I feel like i live glued to my phone waiting to hear from her and i know it's unhealthy but not sure how to stop it. Ive spoken to her friends and she hasn't answered any of them either so i know she's in a very dark place right now. Her dad's death has hit her mother even harder and i feel that her mom is holding on vety tightly to her and she's being drained of what little energy she does have.

Yeah I've done a lot of reading on here which is why i decided to join and just spill my guts out because the anxiety and anticipation is killing me. She wont see me but does answer me with simple texts a couple of times a day. I know I need to keep my distance but my situation is a bit harder bc her mother n her family doesn't know about me. This is so hard.

She just messaged me that she has been with her mom all day and can't talk so i understand. I told her to be with her right now but im also standing by her when and if she needs me.

So I've been dating a girl for a few months now and everything was good until a couple of weeks ago. Her dad was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago and about 2 months ago he took a turn for the worst and unfortunately passed away. She is chinese so they had a 10 day funeral which i was not allowed to go to, family is quite conservative. After 11 days this past week she finally called me and the first day we talked it was nice. She was busy doing stuff but we chatted for a good 3 hours. The following day was less talk but we chatted for a bit. More like me asking questions and her just saying yes no ok etc. Yesterday i didnt really hear from her but did get a few texts and spokena few minutes. This morning she messaged me and said she was tired but was helping her mom. What im on here for is im lost as to what im to do. Ive told her ill stand by her side which she said ok. I message her throughout the day and just let her know im there. I know she's grieving but im so confused as to wwhat to do. Im a fixer upper and need to fix this. Ive done enough reading i know i can't but should i stick this out? I will fight to the end for her bc she's worth itm please help im so lost.