Ceili

Ceila - I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mom. I lost my 87 year old mom 6 months ago and was her caretaker for three years. As I read your post, I saw it as one written by someone who thought of herr mom's best interest every step of the way. We do the best that we can at the time, being unable to read the future. My mom become very stubborn the last year of her life and was ready to die. I questioned decisions that I made as well. I have discovered that as caregivers we need to be gentle with ourselves and trust our hearts in order to come to grips with our overwhelming responsibilities and subsequent losses. I have yet to get there and feel such a hole in my life. I still cry everyday, but have to accept where I am in my grief process. It is not easy, but talk to someone you feel comfortable with. Come to this site and receive love and support from those of us who have had similar (yet very different) experiences. We are here for you.

Thank you all for your words of support. I will definitely keep coming back to share, read, and help others in whatever way I can. KayC - I never thought it would happen but my husband agreed to go to the grief counselor with me. I would not have asked if it had not been for you. Thanks.

I appreciate everyone's input. Thanks. Right now it seems that each day is getting worse. My husband is very impatient with me and I have to go hide in other rooms to cry (or take a drive). Right now I am afraid that this will never end. I miss my mom/best friend so much. Just between us (the entire internet), I thought a lot about dying today. It really frightened me. I have no one that I want to tell about this. It has been overwhelming.

Dave - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. As I am sure you know, grief can include so many intense emotions, including anger. Sometimes they make sense, sometimes they don't. My mom died this past March and I was her caretaker as well. I have found that most of my feelings don't make sense. Your anger could be the result of so many things that may make themselves known to you as you travel this crummy journey called grief. Whatever the cause of your anger, be patient with it and yourself. As a caretaker, I have had anger towards my own siblings thinking that even they could not understand. And you know what? Not having been the primary caretaker as I was, they don't understand. As with you, caring for my mom for 3 years was my life. Her passing has left an enormous hole in my heart. It sounds like you gave up so much to care for your mom: other people can't understand your exact experience. Sometimes I feel anger at my mom for leaving me ignoring the fact that she was sick and elderly. I hope you find some comfort in the fact that you gave your mom an invaluable gift...your caring.

Thank you so much for your wise words and support. I am very sorry for both of your losses.

I lost my elderly mother 6 months ago. I had been her primary caretaker for 3 years. I did experience some anticipatory grief and did fairly well for 2 months after her death. Has that changed! I have a history of clinical depression throughout my life and am feeling worse by the day. It seems all I can do is sob. My mom was my best friend and helped hold me together through the death of my 6 month old daughter as well as the stillbirth of another daughter, the day before her due date. I am trying everything to get myself back into life including therapy and switching to a new medication for depression. Nothing is helping. I have no interest in life. I am not suicidal, but wouldn't mind if I did die. I thought that this being a "expected" lost, I would be feeling much better at 6 months after mom's death. Am I stuck? Has anyone else felt this badly 6 months after the loss a sick, elderly parent?